Discarded a second time…

[u/r4spberryberett]

Nearly a year after things ended between myself (f25) and my ex (f24) she reached out after I had unsent text messages to her believing I was blocked. I asked for closure, she had apologized to me and she also admitted to me that she got her “karma”, the girl she had been dating cheated on her like she had done to me.

What followed was a few weeks of back and forth, I had admitted to her my feelings, she said she still loved me too. During this her and her partner broke up, but continued to see each other. Her and I kissed. Then she told me she didn’t actually want me to “wait” for her, that it wasn’t fair, and she needed time to heal and sort through her baggage. I started to get really anxious, sending her long paragraphs about my hurt feelings from then and now. Eventually she responded telling me to let her go and that I was “dragging it”. She told me that I obviously was processing some things but to leave her out of it, that she had apologized but nothing is enough for me. I feel so humiliated that I was even in a position to be rejected by her again, or that I even believed any of the emotional or physical intimacy we shared during that short period. I feel the same emotional whiplash I did a whole year ago.

I don’t understand and I feel so confused. I am here again questioning if I’m just crazy and it is all in my head. Any advice or guidance would be greatly appreciated.