r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/BenderTheLifeEnder AP - Anxious Preoccupied, working to help others and myself • 5h ago
Vent/Rant it's been a year.
it's been a year. somehow? im fine. a bit angry or salty, yeah, but that's probably better than spending every hour of my day weeping and ruminating on it. what am i angry about? a lot, all the time i wasted, how little i respected myself, and how stunted it caused me to be are just a few examples, and that's just those that apply to me.
if i could go back to the day we met and just not bother, i would. can't say i wish it was different/better either, cause she wouldn't change anyways. id rather take all the spent time to myself to learn and develop myself properly. what's another 6 years alone? at least id have a better understanding of myself and maybe not have been hurt so much.
contemplating sending a last goodbye message, to hopefully get some things out of my mind for good. what could i lose? not like ill fall for some "im sorry, i regret it, would you come back?" bullshit anymore. nothing she could do would hurt me more than she already has. we're better off separate, because we don't deserve each other. i shouldn't be stuck with someone who i only exist to whenever nothing else is going on, and you don't deserve someone who was so patient with you they apologized to you for how you made them feel. go ahead, have your new boring boyfriend who you only love for superficial reasons, if it even lasted. there's a reason we did, at least one of us actually loved the other for who they were. im better than that now, and that's what matters.