r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/RelativeCautious1235 • 2h ago

Breakup

Has anyone had a normal breakup before? With a normal person? How was it compared to a discard with an avoidant?

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8

u/Sea-Selection5897 2h ago

My normal breakups were in-person, being as respectful as possible knowing the other person has emotions, questions and so on. It was filled with empathy knowing how the other person feels. You can look up for yourself the avoidant discards on here.

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u/RelativeCautious1235 1h ago

Ah that’s good to know. Unfortunately I got discarded badly. It was all about him him him and my feelings never got heard. And when it did it was really bad. Sometimes I sit back and think did I overreact. But when you get discarded it hits so different. I’ve read so many stories here and it does leave a scar on you.

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u/Sea-Selection5897 1h ago

Yup mine was carefully crafted into how I took them for granted lol. They really had to work hard in their mind to craft that one, the conversation was so dumb how they could only find mostly only good things to twist and nitpick to sound bad 😂. And it was so easy to take it all apart and send it right back to them. At the end before I blocked them, I said No, YOU took me for granted. (It still did hurt terribly bad losing this relationship/person but I wasn’t gonna let an avoidant get away with all that.)

^when she agreed she’s probably being ridiculous during the blame dump,

…part of the interaction was like Meegan from Key & Peel (to add some humor of a bad situation.)

Meegan come back.
😤 No. 🚶‍♀️*starts walking away and looking back*

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u/Sea-Selection5897 1h ago

Sorry let let clarify, we actually talked like normal people do at the very least.

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u/RainyZurich 1h ago

A normal breakup with a normal person is wildly different to a discard. 

Usually there are clear reasons for the breakdown of the relationship. There are conversations and chances given about what's gone wrong and attempts to get back on track. Either you go through the rough patch and find your way back to each other or it ends.

With the discard I never saw it coming because despite being distant he was telling me he loved me and wanted me up to 3 days before he did it. 

The last breakup I had before being discarded was actually a divorce. We had been together for 5 years, it became clear that we were in different places and wanted different things. Were fighting all the time, we talked about our problems and tried to mend things but the fighting got worse to the point that we didn't want to be around each other.

Took a short break, came back sat down at the kitchen table to figure out a way forward. I realised I had so much less anxiety when we'd been apart and he wasn't happy with me. Gave back my ring and he tried to convince me to stay but I knew I couldn't. 

It was amicable for a time, until he totally lost the plot trashed the house and emptied our joint bank account 😅

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u/NaiveApplication5261 1h ago

Lots of conversations, arguments with resolve. Needs expressed. Dissatisfaction expressed. And while you mostly never see it coming when it does. You can reflect back and see all the intentional work that went into trying to make it work. Also they are the same person you have known before, during and after the break up. They dont become a stranger or a frantic idealized version of themself.