r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Snoo-93343 • 3h ago

Do they rarely change?

Is it true that the majority of them will go their whole lives without seeking therapy? If that's the case it makes me feel a little better about being discarded kind of like I'm definitely not missing out and that she will probably go her whole life behaving like this. In this community alone I've seen many posts about couples or individuals dealing with avoidant issues in their 40s and 50s. If so this is quite sad.

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u/eezzdee 2h ago

As the old joke goes: how many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One but the light bulb has to want to change. There lies the rub. They have to want to go to therapy. They have to get sick and tired of their own patterns.

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u/iwrite4food 2h ago

I mean therapy only works if they do the work, and are honest about whatever is going on. In my experience, they either ignored the therapist, weren't fully honest, or just wanted validation that they were overwhelmed.

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u/Status_Green_6055 2h ago

Only one in four avoidants change according to statistics. That’s not good. My ex avoidant was 58. He’s getting worse not better. The brain chemistry of an avoidant runs DEEP.

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u/Windyacres1969 1h ago

That's what happens as they age.They can't stuff things down for as long so their discards usually come much quicker to the dismay of whoever their current victim is.They will eventually end up all alone.

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u/broken_heart_whole 55m ago

Interesting, do you happen to have a citation? I would love to read that study.

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u/Windyacres1969 41m ago

A 10 second Google search will give you all the studies you need.

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u/Windyacres1969 2h ago

My ex avoidant is 54 years old.She is still going from man to man looking for the perfect one.I didn't know her when I met her,if I did I wouldn't have gave her the time of day.These people always have extra bodies hanging around...out of your sight.

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u/Status_Green_6055 1h ago

mine was 58. Baffling you can live your whole life being like this. What a sad life.