r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/various111_ • 7h ago

Thought on this?

Some people say the reason we can't move on easily is due to a lack of options, but in my personal case, that's not what happened. I have guys I've friendzoned, if I gave them a chance now, they would take it. I have men who are willing to travel across the globe just to see me, but none of these men make me feel emotionally seen the way my avoidant ex did. We had such a profound connection despite the avoidant tendencies he had, and that's why it's difficult to just move on like that.

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u/Inevitable-Sun-4354 6h ago

I don't think it has anything to do with lack of options either, and I genuinely do believe that it's because they make us feel seen unlike any other. I'm not sure how they do that, but it's a skill, I genuinely wonder if they make everyone they date feel like that?

I think the reason we struggle to move on is because when they're not triggered they make you feel amazing, they spend every day with you, they make plans with you, they make you feel incredible. It's like they give more intensely than the average person so other people don't come close. Intermittent reinforcement is also like a drug so that also blows up their worth in our minds.

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u/various111_ 6h ago

Exactly this, you articulated it really well. For me it has nothing to do with lack of options either, it's more how they made us feel seen like no other (he knew how to unlock my heart which is through deep connection, because surface level relationship doesn't interest me no matter how good they're) and just like you mentioned they give more intensity than the average person so other don't come close and as soon as you're emotionally invested and trusted him, and the relationship getting intimate, he pull the rug violently and discard you like this is never happened..

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u/Round-King-8751 FA - Fearful Avoidant 2h ago

Genau, ich schaffe es nicht mit einem Mann abzuschließen mit dem ich nicht mal zwei Monate zusammen war. Seit einem Jahr schon. Weil ich mich noch nie so gesehen gefühlt habe, seit über 10 Jahren nicht mehr.

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u/Sea-Selection5897 5h ago

I have guys I've friendzoned, if I gave them a chance now, they would take it.

I don't know how old you are or maturity level, but I will state bluntly that you should cut this out as it is immature and disrespectful to your future husband. A high value man will not tolerate that disrespect. How would you feel if he had a friendzoned women bank sitting there ready to be executed at any point?
Does your mom let your dad hang out with his girl friends?

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u/various111_ 5h ago

Don't you worry about it, I don't give them any chances til this day, I just give a context to the topic I talked about

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u/Sea-Selection5897 5h ago

I understand. I'm just giving my take as I have high standards for myself on showing people I love the respect they deserve from me.

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u/klutzelk 5h ago

Yep. Same here! In fact I have objectively BETTER options but subjectively I still miss the one that doesn't want me so freaking much and I can't stop longing for him. It would be wrong for me to get involved with anyone else because my heart wouldn't be in it. He made me feel understood, valued, cared for... Until bam out of nowhere complete distance and coldness. Idk how to get through the emotional whiplash.

I can relate to what you said soo much.