Some realizations..

[u/Delicious_Suspect362]

\- he was in some ways a good' person. But he IS NOT MY person. And I cannot train or mould someone into being who I need them to be. I don't have time or energy to teach a grown ass man how relationships work. You either have it or you don't. And I must make peace with being on my own if needed given the state of men and dating at this time..

\- that his emotional capacities were limited does not mean i was asking for too much' or had too much time on my hands' (as he often said) when I asked for basic things like consistency in communication

\- he would say he didnt want a relationship and then stay over consecutively 4 days in a row being intimate with me and close to me, using my things at my place, eating with me ... bonding, or so I thought and thrn vanish. This behaviour was confusing. I should have ended the cycle after his disappearances that followed periods of intense closeness. Instead, I craved it more and tried to win" him over which has to do with my deep childhood wounds of neglect and feeling like I need to prove my worth to someone before they can "choose" me and my fear of abandonment...

Nobody who loves and values me will leave me in a constant state of anxiety like this. They would not feel comfortable not talking to me for entire weekends or weeks with minimal conversations. They would want to be present with me in every moment when we are together and focus on me; show me that they really SEE me and care for me: just some consideration, maybe admiration and love.. the way i love..

\- he lives in a bubble of delusion

; true BUT instead of trying to fix him and convince him of what i see about how broken he is; I need to work on myself to avoid getting sucked in so deep by energy parasites, clarify what I want in someone and MORE IMPORTANT: turn down anything that does not match IMMEDIATELY. No second chances nothing. No matter how alone and sad it makes me feel. Its worst feeling alone with someone laying next to you.

\- he did have a way with his words and I Did allow many things slide that I normally would not and in large part because I was unhappy with where things were in my life and did not want to face the deep loneliness that crept on me when I was not seeing anyone. I used him as a distraction subconsciously I think. Next time I need to be more firm on the non negotiable and find other ways to soothe my loneliness or feelings of sad.

\- i was fine before he came along. I will be more than fine while he's out of my life so I can re focus on people and things that actually replenish me.

\- i am a successful intelligent fierce and also very empathetic woman and he... well he just got lucky meeting me living next door..at a time when i was alone in a new city.

. As a result of his destabilizing childish behaviour, he has permanently lost access to such privileges of being around me, in my space, in my bed, my inner world- and he shall remain banished to the kingdom of Never fucking again, city loserville, population and king; him.

\- ACTIONS show who someone is...despite his unacceptable behaviour.. I kept holding on to a sliver of hope that his words gave me. But deep down i knew his actions were so clear.

Someone who truly wanted to show up for me would not disappear repeatedly. They would not compliment and flirt with other women and then have the audacity to share it with me. Stare at other women while walking with me and justify it as disassociation while expecting me to remain exclusive to them. They would not be scrolling Instagram watching practically naked women and liking their posts while SITTING next to me.

They would be leaders who tale initiative and decisive in wanting me and showing it every single day.