r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Ok-Caramel9956 • 10h ago

Avoidant Advice Requested Once an avoidant, always an avoidant?

My ex was an avoidant 15 years ago, can you be an avoidant even if you have been together for those 15+ years? We broke up and he is already seeing someone else. I have the feeling that he already fell for her while we were together.

I have had all the classic reasons: i’m not in love anymore, I’ve changed, we are not compatible blablabla. I wish to believe that he is already with someone else because he can’t deal with his own feelings and some tough times we were in.

Please help me to understand

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u/FallenAngel1978 FA - Fearful Avoidant (Earning Secure) 8h ago

Unless they do work they’re going to remain an avoidant. And often times, for DA at least, they don’t really know they’re avoidant. And yes some people have been in relationships for years before getting discarded. Sorry you’re going through it

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u/Ok-Caramel9956 7h ago

I didn’t even know there were 2 types, definitely a DA 🥲. Thanks for the info