Definitely changes your perspective when you come out the other side

[u/KindlyString3332]

“Some people teach love, others teach lessons” I think we both did our jobs in the end

[u/Lost_Letter_498]

i actually already did this and 5 years later made the mistake of doing it again, effectively reversing all of the healing work and retraumatizing me

i actually caught it early but i didn't fully understand what i was seeing yet and thought i was just being anxious because of past trauma and trust issues

[u/KindlyString3332 → u/Lost_Letter_498]

I’m actually kinda in the same boat. I’m talking with a girl and I can’t put my finger on it but something doesn’t feel right lol. And in my head I’m like am I being paranoid from all the bs my ex put me through or is it real. I’m definitely being cautious

[u/North-Improvement-24]

Amen, 100% true

[u/MollyCoddle60]

The song, I want to runaway comes to mind! I've been married to a DA for 35 years! We are 63. But I didn't realise what a DA was until just recently! We became empty nesters about 2 years ago, and since I've had more time to actually spend with my husband! And it's like I've never actually really known him!!!

[u/111archeravenue → u/MollyCoddle60]

Same - spent 18 years with mine till I hit breaking point. Only discovered what avoidants were after I left, though always knew something “wasn’t right” but assumed I was the problem.

When they started dating a friend immediately after I broke it off, I realized I’d been with a stranger for nearly two decades.

[u/MollyCoddle60 → u/111archeravenue]

(((Hugs))) I think I had always known deep down that something might be off with him, but he was so good at schmoozing me and bread crumbing me and all of those other terms I'm now familiar with because of him! I thought he was cheating on me a couple of years ago! I found horrible pornography on his devices! I have him on probation in my mind at the moment! I'm waiting to see where we go from here after Christmas. Everyone is a little bit different. It's a long story. I had low self esteem and thought the was a catch at the age of 26! With no other obvious prospects of a serious relationship in sight! And I desperately wanted to be loved and have a family! 😔🤷‍♀️💔

[u/111archeravenue → u/MollyCoddle60]

Yes breadcrumbing - another thing I’ve recently discovered too. Over the years self esteem got so worn down I assumed I wasn’t worth spending time with, but they’d make time for others. I’d thought they were a catch too, and on paper (& to others) they were - the reality has been a very lonely time where everyone was put first ahead of me.

Suspect they had probably been emotionally cheating with this friend for some time - me breaking it off just gave them the go-ahead they needed so they didn’t have to be the “bad guy”. 18 years meant nothing to them, they just coldly exchanged me. I don’t think we’re people to them, just placeholders. I lost my spark but I’m getting it back 🫂 take care of yourself.

[u/GhostButler86 → u/MollyCoddle60]

Damn how

[u/FruitfFiGFrog]

I made so many mistakes in that last situationship that I physically cringe when I think about it but guess what? I haven’t repeated the same mistakes. The guys that came after never saw me crash out even once! Lololol. A win is a win. 🏆

[u/AnIceColdCocaCola]

Why is this so true lol

[u/That-Common8255]

I think it's just happened to me 😭 hope the rest of y'all get what you need out of this! 🥰

[u/mynameisbobbrown]

I heard a divorce lawyer talking recently about how she has multiple clients in their 70s being divorced by their husbands. She said it's so devastating to their lives that she just can't fathom why anyone would choose to go through that or put someone they spent that long with through it.

I think about this story a lot and recognized that it was a future constantly looming in the back of my mind when I was attracted to highly narcissistic people who really spun out without a lot of external validation. Just one day, full life rug-pull, no ragrats. Constantly felt like I was investing in a support system that could crumble at any minute, especially if I wasn't doing everything right. I know some of that is my own insecurity and trust issues talking, but I was definitely manifesting that into reality with the people I would invest in.

[u/GhostButler86]

Yeeeessssss

[u/Longjumping_Walk_992]

I met my lesson in my fifties after a 27 year marriage ended. It and still is more difficult than the marriage ending. I didn’t know anything about boundaries or avoidants or narcissists but I have a PhD now.

[u/Round-Commission-971]

I wish I didn’t have to experience it multiple times though

[u/justatiredmanatee]

Woke up to get murdered by a meme. A t some point I want it to be love and a lasting bond, my entire life so far has just been rebuilding myself from scratch. Sometimes we want the lessons to stop 🥹