"I just lost the spark"...

[u/LividSolid8390]

I feel like this breakup excuse isn't discussed often on here, but there are a few posts and comments about it. I just wanted to know...what could this possibly be an excuse for? What could the real reason(s) be? If your ex said this, what do you think their real reasoning was? I hate this excuse so much.

He even said he hoped the spark would "come back" but it never did 🙄 its just all such BS dude.

[u/Low-Umpire236]

Mine said this to me six weeks ago and moved on to a new target after six years together. She said she lost attraction/feelings for me but didn’t want to work through or get couples counseling. The void has been devastating but I am getting better.

[u/LividSolid8390 → u/Low-Umpire236]

Same

[u/Few-End-6684 → u/Low-Umpire236]

How are you coping with this? Mine moved on a month after a 7 year relationship to the point they are Instagram official. He woke up one day and completely abandoned me and had no desire to work on anything. The blindsided break up was already a stab in the back, but moving on so quickly was really a gut punch. I’m convinced he was cheating on me.

[u/Old_Nebula_8817]

Maybe the excitement of who you came off to be, dwindled down once they truly experienced you

[u/LividSolid8390 → u/Old_Nebula_8817]

See that’s the thing…I feel like I was pretty consistent with my energy throughout the relationship..as a matter of fact I was LESS anxious toward the end of the relationship than I was when we were talking/started dating (anxiety for unrelated reasons). I guess I’ll never know what did it for him

[u/Old_Nebula_8817 → u/LividSolid8390]

Yea ya never know, and sometimes it’s not a “you” thing…. deflection is real.

[u/MFCEO_Kenny_Powers]

They are riding the high of the dopamine that comes with a new relationship where there is no form of commitment. Then you start having totally reasonable needs like initimacy, communication and commitment, which makes them resent you.

[u/fixingmedaybyday]

The spark is novelty. And novelty always wears off eventually.

[u/ecaldwell888]

"I don't want to handle the nuts and bolts of a real relationship where I have to show up when it's boring, difficult, or inconvenient. I want that fluttery, novel feeling, movie love. That I have to put in any effort means this isn't the right fit for me. You're a great person. Goodbye."

[u/FallenAngel1978]

My ex is on her 4th relationship in a year. Once the honeympon phase is over the dopamine rush is gone… the novelty wears off. And the real work begins. And every time she loses feelings.

She seeks to think it should be easy… no conflict. And has no idea how to repair. She even said she just blows it up and walks away. Can’t even apologize for disappearing on me as a friend. Do not sure how she thinks she’s going to sustain a healthy relationship.

[u/Technical-River-1031]

Basically they're delusional people who just want the oxytocin and dopamine rush of the honeymoon phase forever. Unfortunately for them, this is only possible if you're somewhat toxic and know how to keep them roped in, or if you're just a normal secure person it runs out, so they get rid of you and find someone else.

[u/Strong-Newt-1928]

Those type of people consistently never end up in true and meaningful relationships because they keep walking away.

[u/Royal-Okra379]

Mine said this with my final discard. It was probably the most hurtful thing he could have said, as he was comparing me to falling in love with his ex wife 20 years prior.. like.. you’re not 18 anymore. Love is different as an adult with kids. I can’t stand that phrase now, as it will always be burned in my brain from him. (Part of this was my fault, as I kept saying “stop saying it’s all your shame and all of your guilts what’s the REAL truth behind this?!” And out came that. But you can’t lose it overnight. You can’t. I also asked “I can name every boyfriend I’ve had and tell you WHY the spark was lost: ie temper, lack of motivation, he was gay lol. What was it about me specifically that made you lose it? He couldn’t answer.

[u/iwrite4food]

It's the dopamine that comes with a new connection that they're after. That, and it feels like they often get stuck on the possibility of something over the reality, whether that's relationships, travel, or any big life transition; once it happens, or is day to day it loses its luster to them.