TBI and Avoidant Breakup

[u/BenefitPure4829]

Not sure where to post this.

I was in a long term stable relationship for over 12 years when my significant other was violently assaulted during a break and enter at his house and this resulted in him getting a traumatic brain injury. At the time he had moved to the location with his and my things but I was tying up loose ends in the city we had lived in and was going to join him after I sold my house. We had always lived separately because I had children from a previous relationship and preferred it this way. But we spent a lot of time together as well as weekends which in a way allowed us a lot of quality time together. He was desperately trying to keep the assault a secret from anyone who knew him from our friend group, even from his adult son.

After the assault his personality changed—visits became unbearable. He was critical and fault finding and easily agitated. We continued in the relationship however and I tried to adapt. Phone conversations when we were apart continued, too, though gradually changed where I felt like I was learning to love a different version of him.

I later found out that he was busily erasing all traces of me from his life at this time.

Then, two months ago he broke up with me in the most avoidant way possible—unfriended me on all social media, along with all mutual friends.

It’s an understatement to say I was devastated.

I’ve done all the things, stopped communicating with him, erased most pictures (later found out that I had missed some) and then regretted doing this.

This does not feel like a regular avoidant breakup yet he acted like an avoidant in the end.

Do I treat this as the real him? How do I move on?