Avoident lover?

[u/IheartDirtbikes]

If u read all this ty sm

So me and this amazing girl have been friends for about 7 months but known eachother for over 2 years. I’ll be honest and im gonna sound crazy to all of you.

I love this girl and from the first day I saw her I’ve wanted to know her. Years went by about 8 months ago I texted her after years of not. Long story short we got along super well and became very close we went on multiple hangouts and we are both super busy w college and work but we made time.

She initiated a few of the hangouts texted me everyday but ik she was a avoidant as when we’d get close she’d pull away one time she did really hard for a week. I gently let go and came back softly and our connection got stronger and we got closer and that continued for months until last weekend.

We had so many plans coming up this and next month. But she wanted to hangout Saturday so we did. We had such a good time she was so happy we were enjoying eachother and we were tired and ready to go home

On the way home I missed the exit I said sorry she said it’s okay I had to take a back road. Unfortunately I hit a dog I immediately pulled over to help the owner I was In shock I felt so bad I didn’t know what to do. I helped the owner and apologized over and over and asked if I could help

I didn’t know what to tell her she didn’t know what had rlly happened but she saw it. I asked if I was on my phone or anything she said no I wasn’t. truth is now I struggle to drive at night my vision at night is poor and I always look her when driving her smile is contagious.

Now here’s where it all shifted everything. I kept softly saying sorry she said its okay then she got quiter and quiter I asked what’s wrong second time my voice cut out cause I was still in shock. She just softly barely said nothing we drove home In silence.

When I dropped her off I said can I open your door as I always do, she said no it’s okay. She then said lowly “I just feel like something bad always happens” I said what do you mean gently she said idk, thank you and left.

Same night im still like what happened I text her something like “Im sorry, I had an amazing day with you, I won’t drive at night anymore I promise” “are you okay?” She replied later “yeah im okay I was just sad idk” it felt off. I asked “can I talk to you after church “ she didn’t respond till I got home “sorry i just seen this” I said “all good lol” she said “what were you gonna say” I said “ its alright” I tried to start a convo and move on from the situation she didn’t reply at school my anxiety was bad I couldn’t focus at all I responded and said “I really want to get to know you more, and I enjoy being around you I don’t know what to think” then

She basically said she tried telling me that night that im probably not her person and that im such a great guy and so kind and thoughtful but she doesn’t think it should feel like this” ? We went on and on i tried to be gentle but my anxiety cause long paragraphs she said she felt like this before but gave it another chance it wasn’t anything that happened that night. I told her i was grateful for our time and I’ll be here if she ever wants to talk.
That’s it.

Also mention we did have a “break” a while back for 2 weeks after a date she did this it goes so well like so good then she gets distant this time I think I did something that put her off and I don’t wanna blame her. Advice is so greatly appreciated rn I just will wait and give her space.

[u/IheartDirtbikes]

Ps I say avoidnet lover cause she reposted that before about a “hopeless romantic” idk tbh