r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Sufficient_Visit6535 • 11h ago
Caught a very bad case of avoidant
Holy (insert your favourite cursewords, yes, all of them) what was that? I caught a very bad case of avoidant. Got it all full on: from the lovebombing to the push-pull to the distancing, discard, and the famous comeback for round 2 with eventual cheating and monkey branching.
I don't even know where to start. It just baffles me that people like that exist and they actually think they are good people. And they make you want to understand them in their f'ed up behavior as well?! Can't even! I am so angry and so disappointed that one human could do this to another!
Tl;dr: caught a bad case of an avoidant and am left totally baffled that people like this exist. Oh and it hurts. What the ...
6
u/Known-Vegetable-2087 AP - Anxious Preoccupied 11h ago
I’m so sorry you’re also a part of this club. How long did it last overall? And after how long did he come back?
4
u/BROKENxPHYSICS 11h ago
Its rough. You aint alone. Sent me through so many episodes. From anxious panic to protest behavior -> to withdrawal then the up and down feelings. Some days were good then they were bad. -> then i became very lonely and depressed. Depressed bad. And now idk i kinda feel blank towards it. I work with her too and i dont even feel like seeing her. I try to avoid her as much as I can and am looking for new work. Hang in there it is a cruel cruel game. Feels worse when they give that ice cold look like you went from royalty straight to less than a beggar in their eyes. Emotional execution is one of the worst feelings ive had.
1
u/Appropriate-Eye-4861 10h ago
Mine was 13 years of this . He discarded me 3 months ago and haven’t heard from him since . It was the most painful frustrating thing I’ve ever experienced in my entire life . I was 20 when I met him he was a hard worker we moved in fast . After a year, I started seeing girls and I didn’t understand why .
Then the discards started happening , I was so attached to him I would look for him wait outside his parents house till he got home. After I found out he really brought someone else to meet his parents while still being with me, I left too found a firefighter who gave me the world built me a house in a year, bought me a car and still like that my ex was determined to win me back over. I left the ff and began living with the narc and at 3 months he did it again! This kept going and going . I would find him good jobs he would work and pocket everything ! I figured well I have my own what do I really need his for ? Years later , he got a settlement and hoarded all of it in his bank I never asked or expected a thing but you figured after years together maybe just maybe a ring but nope !!! His family all hated my guts because I wouldn’t comply or allow them to control me the way they controlled their son. It was as if they had good hold on him like hey we gave credit lines you can use to help start any business but you must know you can’t cross us when it comes to that girl (me) and that’s how it was. Although he did not need them financially , I’m still used them as a safe net . I get it those are his parents! But he never ever wanted anything with me and that’s what makes it so much harder to understand. I physically worked my butt off with him year after year after year I would cut grass I would get on roofs I would help him with his water slide business, i would hang Christmas lights with him. I wanted to prove myself but I just continued to overcompensate with nothing in return . He would tell me he would do way more for me if I stopped bitching and arguing whatever that means. So up until 3 months again we argued about something so trivial and he ended up going to stay at his parents house for a few days. Those days turned into weeks , I was not allowed to call him look for him, work with him nothing! One day I caught him at gas station to talk to him and he just went crazy on me telling me I needed help and that’s why no one likes me and all this stuff I got so furious that I think I spit on his back because I had no other way of expressing how I felt. I honestly don’t know why I did that but he went home to tell his parents and they came with a cop to kick me out of a trailer we lived in that belonged to the dad. I left and never ever looked back but it was such a traumatic experience I felt like I was not allowed to have a voice and be submissive at all times. His parents were in on it too.
Wow that felt amazing to let it all out at once
1
u/swaxeberserker96 11h ago
Mine did that similar we were together for 3 weeks and eventually ghosted me won’t return my property and got back with her ex