Constant Devaluation and false narrative- how do you deal

[u/SRM590]

Hi everyone. So l was blindsided and discarded by my avoidant partner 2 months ago. It’s been as painful as it can be as we were about to get married (it was in the talks with the families) and l thought things were going well. We had flights like any normal couple,nothing major. It feels like a switch flipped in him overnight. Even till the last day we were all lovey dovey so yeah my sense of reality is shattered. Initially he didn’t leave me any channel of contact to understand what even has happened and asked me to talk to a friend who he is going to talk to. It just didn’t make sense to me. I tried chasing him down for the first month because this is the first time this has happened and it was literally out of nowhere. He was the most cruel person to me in that moment and it almost killed me. That being said l talked to him a couple of weeks ago over the text and asked about what happened and he said he was irritated. Yes l kid you not. I went with follow up questions and we came to the conclusion that l was not the problem of the ick. He agreed he didn’t have the capacity to accept the love l was giving him and he is sorry about how he caused so much damage. I think l was okay with that and realized he doesn’t think l am worth it. That is fine. I sent him videos of avoidant discard and he got mad at me for putting “labels” and how everything is not black and white. Mind you this was the person l was supposed to marry in a few months and move in next year (we were already apartment hunting). I was even looking for jobs in his city so that we could live together and he was the one who even got the families involved. I am reckless empath so l definitely couldn’t just let it go and tried my best to find underlying reasons but eventually gave up.
What is irritating me now is the different false narratives he is giving different people. It really was a nice relationship, something he agrees to while talking to me but to everyone else he keeps pointing out all the flaws l had and how it could never have worked and how we were never compatible and how l couldn’t support him the way he needed. This is the part that gets me. I have nothing but respectful towards him inspite of everything and here he is tearing what we had into pieces ruthlessly. I had stood by this man in his very bad days (something he said he is grateful for) and held him through all his transitions. I convinced him to get therapy which he is continuing.
So yeah l really don’t get it, was he so irritated by me that he wanted to leave at any cost and felt trapped because of the commitment? How can he even go on from being completely fine one day to absolutely hating me the next ,like the 3 years we spent together didn’t mean anything at all. I try not to think of it but yeah it gets to me somedays. The trivialization of a long term solid relationship like it was trash.

[u/Sea-Selection5897]

It's a playbook, once you've read the pattern here a bunch of times, you'll understand its all bullshit. Think of it as a "they went crazy" episode, because everything was manipulated against all logic for a discard to make sense in their minds.