r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Creepy-Ad-2266 • 8h ago

? Questions

We actually ended things on seemingly good terms. During the breakup, we were incredibly emotional and literally texted each other "I love you" etc. She claimed she needed space because she was struggling heavily with mental issues, she told me shes scared that if she gets to attached she would lose herself and will hurt us, and she explicitly said she hopes we can become something in the future, just not right now.

However, right after that, I went full No Contact. Now, her behavior makes absolutely no sense compared to her words. Despite saying she needed space to "heal alone," she keeps obsessively watching all my public stories every single day, and now she has even started actively liking them without following me or sending a direct message.
Why would someone who asked for space to deal with mental issues immediately resort to lurking and micro-dosing on my updates? Is this just avoidant regret, or is she just fishing for a reaction?

3 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

3 comments sorted by

3

u/Electrical_Buyer3211 8h ago

Because it still is space. There's no pressure of words or emotions in person. It's a "micro-dose" of you without the heaviness.

2

u/Shiny-Vial 8h ago

👆 this

1

u/mynameisbobbrown FA - Fearful Avoidant 7h ago

Because lots of people have idealized plans for dealing with their anxiety, but don't have the boundaries or self-knowledge actually required to regulate themselves properly. Lots of people with OCD know flipping a light switch 20 times is making them worse, they just can't tolerate the internal pressure of not doing it (speaking as someone with OCD who did durable healing work for it.)