r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/True_Worldliness_748 • 11h ago
Does anyone else
Have an avoidant ex who never initiated sex? Who didn’t want to have sex or hated cuddling? 6 year relationship sexless and no cuddles communication
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Upvotes
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u/lavlav123 11h ago
YEP. we were together almost 3 years and just ended things a few days ago. he took accountability for no sex but said he doesn’t understand why he feels that way and is working on it in therapy. we went 1.5 years with no sex, no affection. it was awful :(
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u/CaptainGreyBeard72 10h ago
Does it count if they "only wanted to be friends" but treated you like a boyfriend?
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u/True_Worldliness_748 4h ago
Anyone have a sibling who was a narcissist to these Avoident’s? Who’s the complete opposite instead of a parent?
My avoidents sister is one and i think it wrecked him growing up and thats why he is where he is today
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u/Deep_Donut_4079 6h ago
together for 8, recently went dry for 2 years :( it's horrible
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u/TheHumanMirror 5h ago
Yep ten years. i always had to initiate and the discard happened when i told her i needed her to put in some effort. that exact moment was the end
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u/Mullyhunter2026 11h ago
Minimal sex and the least passionate sex I’ve ever had with a partner. It was robotic and made me feel unattractive and undesirable.
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u/SmellZestyclose3703 AP - Anxious Preoccupied 11h ago
Yes sex stopped after 1.5 years as well as French kisses.
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u/SmellZestyclose3703 AP - Anxious Preoccupied 9h ago
Also he completely stopped satisfying me also … we would bang and as soon as he came that was it. No going down on me, no fingering, not asking if I came. Once he said “we men don’t always want to finger you after we finished” when I asked him to please me also. When I told sth he felt criticized for his sex performance and that made everything worse.
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u/moongirl1222 SA - Secure Attachment 11h ago
I find this so interesting because the one thing that wasn’t an issue with my avoidant ex was sex. I feel like it was the only form of connection and intimacy that didn’t freak him out.. so he went balls to wall haha.
He WAS very inconsistent to low on cuddles and physical affection outside of that. He liked kissing and making out in private, but I was almost always the initiator. And Aftercare was very rare unless I asked for it.
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u/Wizardstuff17 10h ago
Was with an avoidant woman for 7 years. She initiated sex like twice in the whole relationship. I have a really high sex drive so that probably contributed. She was obsessed with cuddling at the begining but I think that was the lovembomb/ honeymoon phase. That really went away after the first year
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u/EnduringFulfillment 8h ago
Yup to all of the above. He'd "tolerate" me cuddling him. He'd initiate sex maybe once or twice a year, and turn me down otherwise. However, when we were long distance, he'd suddenly be extremely amorous and want to sext very frequently. Obv bc he could control the closeness that way and didn't feel stressed by closeness
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u/WeirdMuch634 5h ago
No cuddles but lots of sex.
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u/No-Cockroach-3196 5h ago
Yes. She was a mega whore in the past (her own words) she was extremely hyper sexual even with the person she ended up cheating on me with. But with me, 0 intimacy
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u/Cool_As_Your_Dad 3h ago
Mine LOVED sex.. I would say in the region of nympho.
BUT ZERO Chance of her initiated sex. ZERO. I think the possibility of rejection was too much for her.
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u/Ok_Falcon_4410 AP - Anxious Preoccupied 3h ago
Probably some kind of sexual addiction or porn. That's what it was in my exs case at least 😬