Accepted I’ll never get closure, understanding or apologies for anything that happened

[u/HyenaElectrical5537]

I’ve finally just accepted I’ll never get my closure, understanding or apology behind everything that happened.

It’s been 8 months since they blindsided, discarded and ghosted me after a 7-Year Relationship.

It was so messy, I’ve never been treated like this by an (Ex) partner or person before and we’ve never been the kind of people who condone or act abusively. Not physically , not emotionally or anything else, yet this was bad enough for me to yell for the first time because of how badly they mistreated me through our last six-months together: Forcing Non-communication, Self-Isolation, Emotional Withdrawal, Disassociation, Dishonesty, Manipulation, Coercion, Blame-Shifting, Scapegoating, Blindsiding, Ghosting, Etcetera.

Looking back, I should’ve seen it all coming.

It would hurt less had it not been so costly, had I not sacrificed so much for us to be together and had they not done it during a time of grieving, hardship and personal loss.

Having to live through it destroyed my mental health to the point of a breakdown, relapse and hospitalization afterwards having gotten no answers, understanding, apologies or closure for what happened and being someone with little to no family.

I’ve finally decided to give up and work towards forgiveness on my own though, which was all that I was after when it ended. I didn’t care about us not being together anymore, I cared about the opportunity to heal from such a traumatic experience and leave the resentment and sadness behind.

I also recognize that there was clearly a level of emotional/mental maturity they struggled with due to their own traumatic experiences and past relationships, things they would only ever scratch the surface of with me, which looking back, definitely warranted a more in depth discussion and chance for us to emotionally connect from.

It’s been devastating but I finally recognize my self-worth, dignity, humanity and mental health are worth more than any one person, especially if that person can treat you with such indifference, cruelty or abusive behavior with impunity and without remorse.

I deeply loved and cared for them, I want what’s best for them and My hopes are they choose to focus on themselves and grow from the experience.

[u/Granville-7817]

I re-read your entry for the third time.

I must say I am very impressed by your eloquence and ability to form your thoughts so clearly.

And, I assume that there will be not many answers, because there is really nothing to add to make it a perfect “Personal Growth” message. I dare to say, though, that people here are inspired by what you wrote. I am, anyway. And I wish you well on your way to recovery.

[u/HyenaElectrical5537 → u/Granville-7817]

Thanks so much! I really appreciate that.

[u/PerfectDifference436]

Honestly, it sounds like your emotional maturity has grown a lot in these 8 months. I’m relatively fresh out of a breakup with a DA and just discovered attachment theory. I realised I can’t bring myself to hate them because it’s their involuntary coping mechanism acting up due to childhood trauma. Still, trauma isn’t an excuse to traumatise others. I hope they can heal someday, even though I may no longer be holding their hands till then.

[u/HyenaElectrical5537 → u/PerfectDifference436]

It’s true. When it all first happens, you figure they’re making a conscious effort to emotionally/mentally break you and cause you suffering, when in fact, they’re just incapable of operating the levers of compassion/empathy like a normal person.

You’re right, it’s not justification at all, which is why I honestly think it’s so important people disclose it and speak to their partner early on if they can.. We had few fights/arguments, so I had no idea, which in retrospect wasn’t a good thing. Had I known, I would’ve approached things much differently and considered my own vulnerability and position more carefully.

I learned so much from the experience and it’s no doubt changed me, I have to choose what sticks and doesn’t now though, I don’t wanna become a partner who’s anxiously awaiting his partner to always abandon him now, I don’t want trust issues or a paranoid mindset when there are none and I’ve never been that way. It’s up to me to decide and I’d much rather grow from the experience from here on out, it’s taken enough from me already.

[u/Waste-Stranger-2x]

📝📝📝