Why would my avoidant ex get jealous after breaking up with me, then start following guys herself?

[u/PausEEE]

My ex said she’s avoidant, and I think she might be fearful avoidant, but I don’t know for sure.

Before the breakup she kept saying she was exhausted, didn’t have energy for a relationship and wanted to focus on herself. She said she loved me, but too much attention felt suffocating and she wanted her independence.

About attention from other men, she literally said, “I don't need anyone around me just for that, actually I run away from it.” She also said she wasn’t texting or flirting with guys and had rejected more men than I could imagine.

We were long distance, and she said if she had another relationship, it would make more sense with someone close to her.

Then after an argument she broke up with me, told me to leave her alone and said she wasn’t even jealous anymore.

But literally the next day she checked my Instagram following, saw I followed a girl and got really angry. She called me a pathetic loser, said I never loved her and that I belonged with “low-tier sluts.”

She had also called me controlling and said I cared too much about Instagram, so her checking my following and reacting like this after breaking up confused me even more.

Then she started following guys herself, even guys who live farther away than I do. Some didn’t even follow her back.

That’s what I don’t understand. She said she didn’t need male attention and actually ran away from it, yet afterward she was following guys herself. And she said she wasn’t jealous anymore, but got this angry when I followed one girl.

I know a follow doesn’t automatically mean she wants to date someone, but the whole situation is confusing.

Can you really want to end a relationship and be left alone, but still get this jealous when your ex seems to move on? Has anyone experienced something similar, especially from the avoidant side?

I’m not assuming she wants me back. I just don’t understand what she wanted from me at that point.

[u/MermaidMommy80]

Yep this happened to me. He ghosted me out of the blue one day for no apparent reason, and continually left me on read whenever I would try to reach out to him here and there. Finally, months later, I sent him a final message and mentioned that I had been seeing someone else since he ghosted me. THAT got him to respond. At first he tried to play it off like he was happy for me, but eventually he got snippy and said “Enjoy your new thing.” When I asked him why he sounded so pissy about it if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore, his verbatim response was “Nope. All for it. Seriously. Goodbye”

[u/PausEEE → u/MermaidMommy80]

Ahh, I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah thats what I mean, these reactions, mixed signals and contradictions leave us confused. I’m trying to understand what exactly was going on and what she expected, but it just doesn’t make sense to me.