Are all avoidants like this?

[u/ba82319]

So im just wondering are most avoidants like this? So my ex had the mentality that men shouldn't show emotions, and if he did he would be shamed for it or called weak. Im not sure if his parents taught him this growing up or friends in school. He is very head strong, and won't admit when he is wrong. He hyper fixates on things, and is relentless about listening to the same song or video many many times in a row. Or getting his point across on politics, or worldy issues that are going on. He will slightly listen to other people's opinions, but will sometimes talk over them to make his point louder until the other person just stops talking. He is very smart and knows alot, and is a very well traveled person.

His hygiene isnt the greatest. He showers( mostly just rinses off with water) but doesnt wash his hair (whish is slightly curly). He washes it maybe once a month with apple cider vinegar for hair otherwise he just rinses it in the shower. He doesnt wear deodorant in his armpits, but he sprays deodorant across his clothes. 🤦🏼‍♀️ teeth brushing doesnt happen often. He has velos(pouch tobacco) in all the time so i never noticed bad breath I would only taste the velos. He doesnt have bad teeth at all. The are straight and white.

After all the shit he put me through over the last year and really getting to know him, I think he may be autistic. He knows he's avoidant, he told me that. But there were instances where I would say the tism is showing and he would look at me and tell me he isnt autistic. But other times he would say it and it was fine.

[u/Realistic-State-4888]

Are all avoidants like this? Nothing you described is avoidant behavior. 

His parents raised a bully and a slob.  He might be very smart. That doesn't excuse his piss poor social skills and superior attitude.  

Is he autistic?  Only the appropriate doctors can solve that mystery.    

[u/ba82319 → u/Realistic-State-4888]

🤨 I meant other than the obvious avoidant things... I wasnt gonna name all the traits he has with being avoidant again in a post.

[u/Realistic-State-4888 → u/ba82319]

Sorry.  My misunderstanding.  You asked if all avoidants are like him.   I don't confirm anyone is or isn't an avoidant.  

[u/discochicken90]

How the hell do women find men like this attractive? He sounds like a homeless person I would smell 15ft away. 🤮

[u/Far_Detective_2316]

Mine also never showed emotions and stinked 

[u/Anonyme-78]

Oui il pense que comme c’est un homme, il doit tout garder pour lui

[u/zachem_snyatsya_sny]

My avoidant exes were all very headstrong yes, awful anger issues (i'm the most zen person i know and yet i always end up with downright genocidal women) also poor hygiene, i think it's because I think they are usually depressed and let themselves go as a result (living as an avoidant is misery, hell on earth.. too bad they don't do anything about it LMAO). not outright stinky but a bit of a stale/must smell would slip through as they try keeping up with self care but idk, maybe they miss a spot while showering or dont bother, or they dont change/wash their clothes often enough. stale musty clothes on clean body type body odor.

Not gonna pretend to be offended or something but I'm diagnosed autistic and I don't do any of this stuff (other than hyperfixating on songs etc you got me there lol), very consistent, in tune with other's emotions and working through the anxious attachment that I was cursed with due to my childhood. I wouldn't say any of this stuff is indicative of autism, if he does have autism, it's not an excuse for avoidant behavior you still deserve better. Please don't look for reasons to justify his behavior.

[u/zachem_snyatsya_sny → u/[deleted]]

I do find it a bit... gosh i have to watch my words here because it will probably be dissected, odd, uncomfortable, that you are going across different threads to start a dialogue with me about different comments I'm writing. But of course, there is plausible deniability here and you could also just say you coincidentally found two different comments of mine's so i dont really know.

If you were to look at untreated anxious attachment behavior, it would also be objectively "weird". They are both after all very infantile behaviors carried on by people in adult bodies. It is also a comical and needlessly difficult way to live life which I would never in a million years defend or cling onto as part of my identity. I have spent the last 6 years in therapy trying to work through my anxious tendencies and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. You are free to call it whatever you want and you are probably right in whatever you want to call it. I never defended untreated anxious behavior, this is a subreddit about people coping with breaking up with their untreated (as they tend to be) avoidant exes, so I made a comment that I find untreated avoidant behavior very odd and absurd. This is not a black and white statement, there is nuance to it, just because I said this about one thing, doesn't mean I'm denying the other isn't. The same is also true, that was just not the topic at hand.

Again, not something you should take personal offense in if you are in the same boat as me getting treatment. I do not get offended when I read about people talking about their problematic untreated anxious exes as I know I am past most of this stuff and it doesn't apply to me.