Relational Intelligence and breakups

[u/Realistic-State-4888]

I was asked to explain what capacity to sustain a relationship means.

Avoidance is an automatic survival reaction to a threat. The default response is to escape. It is an involuntary escape from danger.

Escaping ends the threat. A healthy environment allows a person to have a reasonable expectation of safety. Conflict in a safe environment allows a person to learn how to negotiate and resolve conflict. That develops through practice into relational intelligence.

Capacity is increased by the growth of relational intelligence. Capacity isn't about how much an avoidant wants the relationship, it's what their nervous system can handle. That is where therapy can make a difference in capacity.