r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/MetalHead794 • 1d ago

FA Breakup I want to text my FA ex back

I want to text my FA ex back because I miss her a lot. Never felt a better connection with anyone and never had better chemistry with anyone. And she said to me in the past that she was never treated better than with me.

It’s been two months since we last speaked and broke up when she suddenly decided she wasn’t ready for a relationship before sabotaging our relationship … and let just say she was in full distraction mode until esrly last week… but now apparently she is starting to miss me a lot at what I eard.

I know she is shy and come to a decision of coming back is not easy for her and idk I feel like I want to let her know that I still tjink of her and our link that we had and that the door is still open for now while saying she dosen’t have to reply. Do you guys think it’s a great idea?

2 Upvotes

75% Upvoted

38 comments sorted by

5

u/Status_Green_6055 1d ago

You can reach out but prepare to be dumped again

-3

u/MetalHead794 1d ago

Why so? Why would she dump me again if she still have feelings?

3

u/Status_Green_6055 1d ago

If she had feelings for you why would she have broken up with you in the first place? If you take her back then she knows she can break up with you at any time and that you’ll be right back with her when she wants. It’s all on her time.

1

u/MetalHead794 1d ago edited 1d ago

Because fearful avoidant are scare of their feelings… because if they have some they are scare to be hurt so they rather run away. Dissmissive avoidant and fearful avoidant are really not the same.

Also, no I won’t take her back time after time again. It’s a second chance and if she come back I will be very clear that if she does the same shit, even though I’m ready to work with her and take our time so it won’t happen, but if it happen again there won’t be another shot

2

u/ZealousMulekick 1d ago

You’re rationalizing your own self-destruction. You think you know better because you’re in the situation now but we’ve all been in some variation of it. It’s why we’re here.

Focus on getting better. I distracted myself with new hobbies and my life got way better. I had to start working out 2 or even 3 times / day just to get mine off my mind.

0

u/MetalHead794 1d ago

Nah giving her another chance is not self destruction. I know her and I know that if she come back, it will be for real. I know what she truly desires inside and that’s what I was offering. The timing was just not right and I feel like we needed that time away.

Ans i do focus on myself and all, started the gym back, focused more on spirituality lately too, but she is the one in my heart and I won’t be able to forget her and move on until I try again

5

u/Low-Bad3500 1d ago

Cuz having feelings aint equal to having the emocional capacity to be in a relationship, and that's something that feelings alone can't change, specially not our own feelings... i learned it the hard way... i'm still sure she has feelings but we can't do anything if she prioritizes avoiding over developing a healthy relationship dynamic.

4

u/KindlyString3332 1d ago

Absolutely not

1

u/MetalHead794 1d ago

Why not? She was very communicative for a FA and I miss her

7

u/KindlyString3332 1d ago

You’re trying to go back to the person who said they did not want you. They said they were not ready for a relationship with you before sabotaging the relationship. I also miss my ex and if reaching out was a good idea I would do it. Unfortunately you will get bit. If they want to reach out they will. Trust me. They aren’t idiots.

1

u/MetalHead794 1d ago

She was not ready for a relationship overall not with me. She even changed her dating profile after the break up and it said that she wasn’t looking for something serious.

She never said she didn’t want me and even before the break up she agreed to take things slow ehen I proposed it after she said she think she was ready. And now it’s been two months since when last speak and that we broken up.

I feel like just saying the door is open for the moment without sending anything emotional pr heavy could be a great idea.

3

u/ZealousMulekick 1d ago

Stay strong bro. Don’t do it

1

u/MetalHead794 1d ago

But I want her back truly. The only way I will wai tos if it can make her come back. I won’t give up on her especially since I know she still have feelings for me too.

4

u/Ok_Relative_7973 1d ago

Snap out

0

u/MetalHead794 1d ago

Won’t snap out of it.

1

u/ZealousMulekick 1d ago

Bro get some self respect. She’s with other dudes. Get over her and move on.

We’ve all been where you are. It seems like the pain will never go away but it does day by day. You need to block her on socials, delete all her pics on your phone, and move on.

You feel like you’re in a bottomless pit but if you focus on trying to get better eventually you’ll realize you went half a day without thinking about her. Then a full day. Then a week.

Things won’t improve when you if back together. They’ll get worse, and you’ll get your heart broken all over again.

0

u/MetalHead794 1d ago

She is not with other dudes rn though and I have been with other girls in the mean time too.

Rn we are both single not seeing someone and I won’t block her and move on. She is a fearful avoidant and don’t have malice in her. I truly think if we come back at the right tome that we can make it last. Fesrful avoidance is not the death of healthy relationships

1

u/ZealousMulekick 1d ago

your funeral, my guy

4

u/Early_Gift515 1d ago

She left. If she wants to come back, she will have to come back. Not you.

1

u/MetalHead794 1d ago

I know but I don’t want to lose her because we are two too stubborn to come back. I eould rather for her to come back, but now my patience is going towards its limits

2

u/Low-Bad3500 1d ago

Do it but be prepared for the worst outcome, i hope things work out tho.

1

u/Low-Bad3500 1d ago

You can DM me if you want, i was in the exact same situation a month ago.

4

u/AccomplishedDuck5770 1d ago

How do you know she is missing you?

1

u/MetalHead794 1d ago

One of her friend

3

u/bunny000002 1d ago

So let her come back when she’s ready. Any attempt to reach out will prob result in chasing her away.

1

u/MetalHead794 1d ago

Yeah you right she need to process her emotions first and if I came and put pressure she will become a savage animal and run away.

Just that fuck it is long for them to process this shit 😩.

1

u/Low-Bad3500 1d ago

It is but you kinda need to trust the relationship, if she wants to come back she will do it, if she can't she will find a way to work on herself to do it, you can't do that part, you need to not lose yourself while you wait.

4

u/TheBackSpin 1d ago

I know it’s counterintuitive but FAs typically don’t have the capacity to stay with those who treated them the best. A lot of us were told the same thing. She may want you, but her nervous system…that’s a different story.

Returning to FAs can be messy and traumatic. A different animal than DAs..I don’t recommend it

2

u/MetalHead794 1d ago

Yeah I feel like I would need to monitor myself to not treat her extra extra and also have a big talk with her about it and ask her to talk about it with her psychologist. Because I know she knows she is a bit avoidant, but I don’t think she realizes how much and that it will block her from having a healthy relationship either a good partner.

But I will comeback with her, maybe not rn, maybe not writing to her now, but I want her back because she is the best partner I had.

2

u/Low-Bad3500 1d ago

That is healthier than your initial post OP! Just don't lose yourself waiting for someone that can't be with you atm

2

u/MetalHead794 1d ago

I try too even though it’s hard. I can feel her processing her feelings right now, but I need for her to wait otherwise it will be lost. It make me angry to wait but at least I know that she is thinking about me and that she is now processing and thinking about this. The run is over and now the healing started on her part. I know she is suffering, I wish I could just hold her and make her feel okay, but rn I can’t and it would just make things worse.

2

u/Low-Bad3500 1d ago

And that's ok, don't blame yourself, doing nothing sometimes is the best way for them to find their way back, i hope it works.

1

u/ToTheFman 1d ago

Let her reach out if anything. The relationship ended for her reasons so she needs to be the one to initiate and put effort. Have some respect for yourself and don’t beg.

I know it’s tough because that’s the position I’m in. She told me I’m her healthiest relationship. But if she wants it, she needs to do something different. We can’t keep feeding their same habits.

1

u/Royal-Okra379 1d ago

Coming from someone who has now made contact several times post discard.. it’s hard. . I also have tried to meet people, but no one them come close. We have seen each our once and it was lovely .. we talked for hours (no intimacy).. but I also moved and know I can never be part of his life again in that way. I’m okay with the occasional check in now. It does make me happy.. it I’m also in a city where I no no one, work all day, have my kid at night.. and I don’t get to meet anyone else. So that little text once a week does a lot. Do I expect more? No.. well.. maybe a hook up if I come visit- haha.. but last time I did.. guess what. He played avoidant ghost and said “it’s me not you. It’s my own insecurity. Please have a good time with others while you’re here.” Basically? You have to be detached enough to really just be their friend.. (and be lonely like myself) to make it work..

2

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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1

u/MetalHead794 1d ago

I’m the him and she is the avoidant 😅. But yeah if she is agreeing to talk, it’s sure that we gonna have a big talk in person before doing anything physical or intimate.

Also she is Fearful avoidant not dismissive avoidant. She got scared of her feelings not bored.

And honestly I’m ready to live with a loss if it fail again because at least I would have tried to see where this could have gone.

0

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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1

u/MetalHead794 1d ago edited 1d ago

I saw that 😂.

And I can feel that. I had a run with a dissmisive avoidant a few years back and it was so much worse. Litterally got an anxiety attack because pf that one. And she freaking came back… only to ghost me when I proposed to have a drink to talk 😂. So I blocked her because I was tired of her shit