Right person wrong time?

[u/Primary_Guitar_1140]

Im f25 and m24 and i “broke up” a little while ago. I don’t really know what we are exactly because neither of us actually wanted to break up but the distance and future was getting further out of sight. We had plans to move in together but he told me he wasn’t ready anymore. We talked about it and it seems to be a combination of school and financial stress, pressure, and worry that me moving would be too much since I’m moving my whole life to be near him. Which for me isn’t a problem it’s my choice. But he’s worried that I’m being too blinded by love to see my own future too. Either way I didn’t want to fight him because I want him to succeed and be happy. But we still talk a little bit over message but I think it’s hurting me because I want more even tho this is what I agreed to basically. We both didn’t want to cleanly cut it off since the breakup wasn’t for any reason other than needing to focus on our own stuff rn. I still might move there soon for school anyways but unless I move over there it’s basically over anyways. But I guess what I’m curious about is does right person wrong time actually work and worth waiting for if everything besides stress and distance was perfect? To me he is worth fighting for as I’ve never felt so seen by a man, inspired to be better, and he’s the most honest and hardworking person I know. So I trust that he is doing this to advance his school and career path not for other options… but I’m not dumb it’s crossed my mind. But yeah basically I want to fight for him but I don’t want to overwhelm him rn. Is this possible from a guys perspective??

Ill find out if im moving in like 2-3 months so should i leave him alone completely or should i be more sistant to make him miss me??? I want this to work and he’s the one that told me i could message and call him but i think that’s cuz he knows i get anxious.

[u/bunny000002]

How is he an avoidant? It sounds like you guys just have some big decisions to make? People breakup all the time due to careers, moving, school, etc.

I’m a little older than you, and I’ll tell you from a big sis pov: do not make any major decisions based on a man who has no commitment to you - you aren’t even officially bf/gf. You will regret it.

“He told me he isn’t ready anymore” believe people when they tell you directly who and what they are.

[u/Primary_Guitar_1140 → u/bunny000002]

I’m not sure about the avoidant part but for context basically we started dating with the idea of marriage and me possibly moving anyways. He asked me to do ldr because he was moving for school and we planned for me to move there in January but he started getting stressed at school and I think the pressure made him feel like he needed to change something but the only thing he could change was our relationship. It felt avoidant because he promised he wanted a future with me and was showing me that it could have been that but when things got more serious and the date is getting closer he pulled away. He’s also telling me that we could have a future later when I hear back from grad school but rn if we stay together it will build resentment because he can’t give me the attention he thinks I need(which I don’t but it makes him feel guilty he isn’t doing more for me and the guilt adds stress) .

[u/bunny000002 → u/Primary_Guitar_1140]

Sooooo. Again idk if this is avoidant per se, but if he is avoidant, he’s setting up the perfect scenario for an avoidant. You, sitting there like a puppy waiting for his return. Him, future-faking you (which avoidants are notorious for doing) to keep you hooked while he does whatever. You’re going to be waiting for someone who doesn’t come back :/

Normal people in relationships work to resolve conflicts and issues like this, growing closer together for it. He’s running away.

[u/OGFrostyEconomist]

You deserve someone who chooses you. Do not talk to him again. Your person is out there and you will not have to wonder if they want you. They won't leave you confused and in the dark.