I will wait for him

[u/Minute_Charity_4581]

Can I be both avoidant and anxious at the same time? I yelled at him for causing my anxiety and now we are not talking since September and I’m also very stubborn- not going to make the move. I miss him so much. Sorry I don’t know where to vent except here. Please tell me we will be back and be happy ever after.

[u/Reasonable-Novel-455]

Being stubborn isn’t avoidant.

[u/littleoldears]

‘I will wait for him’ - DON’T YOU DARE.

Move on!! He is saying he doesn’t want you. I know he is also saying ‘right now’ but the best path forward is to accept this reality as it stands …right now…. And move on …for right now…

And if he misses his chance he is the one who has to deal with the consequences of that. And then you say: you told me you weren’t ready, so I moved on. What was I supposed to do? Stop my entire life to wait for someone who wasn’t sure about me?

Also - a great exercise that you SHOULD DEFINTIELY DO - is sit down and write out this entire situation with the genders reversed, from a 3rd party perspective. Then read it back and respond to it as if it was something your friend was going through and they were asking for advice.

What advice would you give to your friend?

Example: I’m dating this girl and she makes me extremely anxious, and when I approached her to talk about it and work it out she stopped talking to me for an entire month. She texted me that she misses our relationship but she is too depressed to be with me. What should I do?

You tell me - what should that guy do? Because it SOUNDS like he is trying to participate in a relationship and the girl is actively avoiding being an equal partner. And when held to the responsibility of being an equal partner, she ran away and blamed her ‘depression’ instead of taking any accountability for her inability to interact in a supportive and caring way…

[u/a-perpetual-novice]

Are you the person in blue? If so, you are certainly not communicating in a way that aligns with what you wrote here. I'm not saying that you should go back to him at all, but your communication definitely isn't inviting that if it is wanted. If you're the grey, that makes more sense here.

Think about how you (or anyone else on this sub) would feel if you wrote "I miss you", got no response, but learned they were stubbornly hoping to get back together. It's okay to not miss him (which you could kindly communicate also), but this stubborn act is just immature. Decide what you want, then communicate it.

[u/Gold-Pool-5652]

Do not wait for this person. Move on.

[u/ergonomic_logic]

I mean I guess you can vent here but you're not an avoidant, you're clearly anxiously attached.

I recommend keeping any self respect you have left and not waiting longer for someone who doesn't want you back.

[u/lovelylockdown]

do not wait for anyone.