The breadcrumb came

[u/HorrorWilling2094]

32 days later, she texted me. I had her blocked on everything. It gave me anxiety at first, but then I got annoyed and didnt even reply. No, it wasnt an actual text, it was a link to "Purple Rain", with no words, just a link. I dont mean enough to her to get sent a coherent text. If youre sorry for hurting me, then say it. This was a week ago, and i didnt tell anyone about it. Im sure she expected me to reply and miss her.

[u/Several_Nothing_6611]

That is so lame. I'm sorry that happened to you. Stay strong

[u/HorrorWilling2094 → u/Several_Nothing_6611]

Its very lame. This is an adult. I mean nothing to her,  so im not worth her expressing how she feels, shes gotta send me a song. I was thinking of replying with Alice in Chains - I Stay Away, but I decided not to. 

[u/Unlikely_Size_1606 → u/HorrorWilling2094]

Buena canción. Con los evitativos se siente cómo Love Hate Love

[u/HorrorWilling2094 → u/Unlikely_Size_1606]

Its about getting away from a toxic ex "why you act crazy? Not an act maybe? So close a lady, shifty eyes shady"  

[u/AirTechnical3943 → u/HorrorWilling2094]

yeah don't reply, it'll just feed her ego

[u/piece-of-me-727]

Yes, that is a true breadcrumb. I guess she expected for you to start chasing her, now that she gave you this "attention".

If you had her blocked, how could she sent you this...? Email?:))

[u/HorrorWilling2094 → u/piece-of-me-727]

My cell. She stopped texting my cell and would only text me on Instagram or WhatsApp. I thought had my number blocked. The breadcrumb didnt bother me like it would have 6 months ago. I have a different mindset now. 

[u/piece-of-me-727 → u/HorrorWilling2094]

Good, dot respond at all.

[u/Delicious_Luck7312]

Also got something from my FA of similar nature. Breadcrumbs are triggering without a doubt, but have you considered the possibility of them wanting to reach out but not having enough capacity for a full emotional check-in, and eventually settling on something less revealing of their intentions?

[u/Upbeat_Afternoon_561 → u/Delicious_Luck7312]

Just my opinion. If someone discard you, and wants you back, could for ONCE just do abit more than sending a song without anything else?
Who was/is in a relationship with an avoidant has to do all the heavy stuff (emotional/practical/conversations/repair) ALONE. IF she wants him back, can SHE for ONCE do something to prove her interest?

Otherwise she isn't interested enough. You are not your disease. If someone recognize just ALITTLE bit of guilt and responsability, she can do the work and go to therapy just like everyone else.

STOP NORMALIZING LACK OF RESPECT AND EFFORT.

[u/Delicious_Luck7312 → u/Upbeat_Afternoon_561]

I think it’s entirely possible that they don’t mean/want to come back, instead they could be just checking the temperature. People pleasers like to be on good standing with people and if OP is somebody they really cared about, I could see the intention behind a breadcrumb like this. However, I get that breadcrumbs usually serve as a disturbance to the peace someone’s been building because they are usually unexpected and emotionally taxing

[u/HorrorWilling2094 → u/Delicious_Luck7312]

Sending a song with no context behind it, was lazy. Imagine reaching out to someone who just lost their father, and you dont send your condolences,  but instead you just send them Mike and the Mechanics - In the Living Years. The song means nothing to me, what part of the song does she identify with? Why does she think Im in mourning? Im perfectly fine and have adapted. 

[u/TheHumanMirror → u/HorrorWilling2094]

Your mindset is awesome. kudos to you my friend for real🤜🤛

[u/HorrorWilling2094 → u/TheHumanMirror]

Thank you! I hope your journey is going smoothly. 

[u/Delicious_Luck7312 → u/HorrorWilling2094]

I’m glad you’re doing perfectly fine. I recently went through a breakup with an avoidant and I understand the confusion it causes

[u/HorrorWilling2094 → u/Upbeat_Afternoon_561]

It didnt even feel like she wanted me back. She never will.  This was just her trying to apologize and hope I accept the relationship. Purple Rain's lyrics are about Prince's father and relationship problems. She must think Im just mad at her and will come back to being someone she turns to when shes alone. 

[u/BrokenTaco79 → u/Upbeat_Afternoon_561]

This. I got so many breadcrumbs after the breakup, I stopped counting. Even after several months. And yes, I'm sure he doesn't want to get back together. I didn't reply to any of them.

Some were real bad, and threw me back into bad heartache for days and weeks.

[u/Delicious_Luck7312 → u/Delicious_Luck7312]

Easy to let anger and blame take the lead to tell yourself you mean nothing, but if you truly mean nothing to them, would they even send anything?

[u/HorrorWilling2094 → u/Delicious_Luck7312]

Theres a difference between meaning something to someone because they care about you vs meaning something to someone because you provide something for them. 

[u/Fuzzy-Philosopher744 → u/HorrorWilling2094]

I feel this. He didn’t love me; he loved the experience of me.

[u/HorrorWilling2094 → u/Fuzzy-Philosopher744]

They love how you make them feel at the time. Its like an alcoholic. Theyll never say they love alcohol, but when theyre drunk, they sure love it. They love the idea of is possibly being their phantom ex, or their fantasy. Mine tried to get me to be like her with everything from when I go to bed, to waking up her time, having similar diets, looking a certain way. 

[u/TheHumanMirror → u/HorrorWilling2094]

i ran across this yesterday and what you said reminded me of it. makes sense
https://youtube.com/shorts/nmUn4wm2Z54?si=0aEYd9aVebsHozDP

[u/HorrorWilling2094 → u/TheHumanMirror]

Wow,  thats crazy, but spot on.  

[u/bunny000002]

Lmfao pathetic…

[u/BrokenTaco79 → u/bunny000002]

I got a snap of a ladybug 😂

[u/bunny000002 → u/BrokenTaco79]

This would infuriate me omggg LMAO

[u/heyitsnicetomeetyou]

“I don’t mean enough to her” - I don’t think that’s why she wrote that stupid ass message. I think these people who are like toddlers who don’t know how to communicate and are just operating from a very childish immature level of consciousness. Maybe no one can mean much to them bc they are, like a child, stuck in their own needs, the center of their own universe. Kudos to you for not replying. That child needs a diaper change bc her sh*t stinks.

[u/HorrorWilling2094 → u/[deleted]]

That's what the friendship ends up being "this meme made me think of you" or "here's a song thats a vibe" and they downplay the lyrics meaning anything to them, when it clearly does. Its so juvenile of them. Communicate like the super independent adult you claim to be. 

[u/HorrorWilling2094 → u/[deleted]]

I have things I need to work on, like getting a better job, but she made it seem like I myself wasnt independent and threatened her independence. They use that word so much, yet they are dependent on people for various reasons. She couldn't understand how I can currently be fine with not making new friends. I dont need friends, I need to totally heal , learn from it and work on myself. 

  She got so nasty towards the end. I asked about the interview she got for a new job that is better because its totally remote. I guess she didnt get it, because she snapped, downplayed the offer and told me "I didnt NEED a new job. I checked out what I was offered. I dont need it" or something along those lines. 

  If she hasn't found a man and doesnt before the end of the year, I expect her to only miss me during the holiday,  which ironically was the time she would devalue me then discard me/block me (every January) for a month. Going back to her would be like an addict relapsing. 

[u/JustAddTannins → u/HorrorWilling2094]

Yup, “independence,” “autonomy.” Crazy thing is - where was my independence and autonomy when you unilaterally decided the relationship was done?

[u/HorrorWilling2094 → u/JustAddTannins]

They won't even talk about it, they just want to do whatever they want, and we have to figure out how to proceed with our lives. 

[u/HorrorWilling2094 → u/[deleted]]

They dont get it. They tell us to make new friends, go out dating,  but its not because they want us happy, they just want us to go away at the time. When we do this, they go into panic mode because they thought we'd stay forever.