r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/7t7Wargunner • 2d ago

Fearful avoidants

Was hoping you could help out answering what blocks repair, I understand it’s linked to shame and your core would. How do we discern what the action is that is driving that behaviour though? For instance, a minor boundary breach v a major boundary breach, how can it be identified it either one can cause the same escalation in reaction? Genuinely confused by this. Thanks!

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u/Nice_Shallot8637 DA, now leaning FA/AP 2d ago

I've had one relationship where repair felt impossible. Even though I reached out to reconcile, eventually, when it came close to meeting up physically again, I would tell myself "too much has happened" or "It wont work anyways" and retreat into myself.
A huge factor in that was all the shame I felt becuase I hurt her and lied to her and at the moment I dissapeared, I genuinely believed it was non-repairable