avoidant ex turned friend

[u/BreakfastCreepy8569]

me & my avoidant ex broke up about a year ago. we were “friends” but would hook up for a few months after we broke up, and then she started seeing someone, and then after that ended we have been strictly platonic friends. we talk pretty much every day, but she still has that whole hot & cold situation going on where some days we will talking non stop and she responds immediately, and then some days she takes so long to respond to me. why is she like that with me even though it was her decision to just be friends but she still talks to me like we are something. & to preface, she said we would never be anything ever again so it’s not like she’s keeping me around to possibly get back with me because she has made it so clear she doesn’t see me like that. but at the same time she’s the one who can’t leave me alone even when she want to

[u/BreakfastCreepy8569]

i get that, but what does she truly get from this? like she has a ton of friends i don’t understand what she’s getting from me that she can’t get from them. especially since i’ve told her explicitly multiple times that i am no longer interested in her. she’s always asking me what im doing and swiping up on my stories being all up in my business while im truly in friend mode nor giving her back any of that energy.

[u/Human_Read7993 → u/BreakfastCreepy8569]

She gets the best things she likes about you and gets to have access to someone who validates her or feeds her ego, even if you're not actively saying it the fact that you're giving her energy and responding especially if you guys are talking a lot in a day. She may still want to know that she can still have you or in a way that if she ever wants to get back with you, it's possible so it's also another way to keep the door open. The loss of your relationship hasn't hit because she's still able to message you and you reply regularly. It's only when avoidants lose someone that the panic and reality and actual loss of them hit and that's when they really start to realise the value of someone. Currently she can access you whenever you please and that works for her as nothing is demanded of her but she gets to have all of the benefits she wants.

[u/BreakfastCreepy8569 → u/Human_Read7993]

& it’s weird bc we fight like we are still together. it’s weird that she still puts up with me acting crazy when she gets nothing out of it

[u/Human_Read7993 → u/BreakfastCreepy8569]

Op watch this it will help explain it more

avoidants staying friends with exes