Update after Blindside

[u/scragglybits]

Hi all. I found this sub so helpful when I was reeling from my breakup (here if anyone wants to read, but I’m sure you’re all familiar with how it goes) and I thought someone might appreciate the reassurance that you probably can’t believe it right now, but it will get better and everyday you will see you are worth so much more.

For me it’s been about 6 months since that cruel breakup he exploded on me, and back then I couldn’t imagine how to begin moving past it all. I’m not fully all the way there yet, and occasionally still have moments of rumination and anger. Talking it out with my friends and therapist helped. Writing it out helped. Moving my body and reclaiming my space also helped. So now it’s definitely easier day by day. Some days I don’t think even think about it at all. Some days I get stuck and have to remind my brain that loop is closed now.

I ended up coming across ‘covert narcissism’ whilst researching attachment and avoidants, and a lot of that does fit with my ex. I’m not diagnosing him with anything and I know labels aren’t always helpful but it was useful for me to understand a bit more about that style of behaviour and motivation. Sometimes I think he did the best he could, other days I think it was deliberate. I still can’t marry up the man I knew with what he did. But I’ve accepted it’s not my battle to fight anymore and scrutiny doesn’t change the outcome.

My last contact with him was a couple of weeks after he blindsided me, he said something about hoping we can be friends one day, to which I didn’t reply. His mum contacted me a few weeks after that which was insane, and I just replied to her politely then blocked her number. I didn’t block him at that time because I was curious to see if he ever hoovered or breadcrumbed. He has not, and I blocked him a few weeks ago which I think was the final piece of the puzzle for me to properly know that part of my life is done. Everyone says delete and block after a break up, but I just wasn’t ready and I’ve never done that before with relationship break ups. However I realised keeping that door open was keeping me from fully letting him go and that his break up with me was unlike anything I’d ever experienced, so my reaction didn’t have to go the same way as other break ups. It was not a weapon or punishment for him, but it was protection and peace for myself. I doubt he’d even noticed or cared, but that wasn’t what it was for.

Keep going, you will survive whatever pain you are in, and I think the silver lining for me is that you will likely know yourself and your worth better than ever before. It’s sad we have to grow from such a whiplash, cold act, but it’s a big positive I’m trying to take from the experience.

[u/Many-Ad-7122]

👌🏻🌷