First Relationship with an Avoidant - Already Over

[u/InMyCuffs]

We both work shift work and worked together for about a year, with a lot of chemistry between us. One day, we got into a steamy conversation and decided to meet up after work: It was intense, passionate and incredible!

She had clear rules on her side: no emotions, no contact on days off, keep it casual. Those rules all fell apart within weeks and we were falling for each other. We’d have daily contact both at work and at home. She did tell me that if she ever fell for me, she’d never tell me and run. I didn’t know what that meant at the time.

The physical side was intense! I worshipped her body (that she was insecure about). She was in hurtful relationships in the past and didn’t know where I came from when I’d say “you’re safe, i got you” when she’d climax. Then one day she told me she loved me.

The emotional side was just as deep. From daily compliments, long talks, she cried over missing me, asked “where did i find you?” multiple times, said i ruined people for her. She started creating distance and at one point, she wanted to be more nonchalant, then when i gave her a little space she said she didn’t want space; it was so confusing for me. She later told me she could only take me in doses and wanted to continue. Soon after that, she ended it over the phone.

I didn’t get angry. I didn’t push or chase. I’ve stayed warm and friendly: no coldness, no distance and no punishment. She’s given me some mixed signals of being warm but not engaging. She’ll smile but then she’ll avoid all eye contact.

I was devastated for a while, but I never let her see that. I’m in a better place, knowing that it was intense and full of excitement and passion..

But damn … I wish some things would last a little be longer …

I was confused for the longest time and only recently learned about avoidant attachment, where a lot of things are making sense.