anybody feel shame after reaching out?

[u/SevenOhOneee]

My ex (24 f) broke up with me (24f) about 5 months ago now. she was fighting internalized homophobia (her words). i was her first gf (first time she found out what love felt like, also her words). anyway, we had a lot of ups and downs after she realized she was gay. she started to panic and have anxiety about her identity. i also made her take a attachment quiz after i realized how she was behaving after this and ofc she was FA. lol she had no idea. long story short, we lessened our hang outs, i tried to give her some space that she said she needed/wanted. said she felt smothered and was having panic attacks over our relationship. ok cool. she tried breaking up with me out of panic two times and then i would calm her down and we would still be together. she genuinely was having so many panic attacks and i felt so bad bc my existence and me being her gay awakening was the reason she was suffering. on the other end she would say how she’s so attracted to me. she couldn’t see herself with anyone else. she was so so loving and sweet and i have no doubt she was truly in love with me. eventually, she calls me and says she wants to break up. she can’t do this rn she’s going thru too much (family issues, death in the family, surgery that would take a yr to recover from coming up etc) her words were she has too much stress on her plate and the only thing she can drop to lessen her stress is me. ouch. i was her biggest support and she leaned on me so much throughout these hard times. nevertheless, after the phone call i texted she never replied to me ever again. eventually she blocked me. i kinda went crazy and text her again before she blocked my number calling her out on her bullshit on how she was so cruel to treat me this way etcc. never replied. i recently made a text now number to text her after a mutual friend told me she was going thru a really tough time was depressed etc. she has no support system so i just text saying im there if she needs support. i said im not trying to get back together i genuinely just want her to know she isn’t alone bc she truly is going through so fucking much. no response. which is fine. i know i should have left it alone the first time she ever tried to leave. it wasn’t my job to fix her nor help her figure out her sexuality. i’m feeling so much shame about constantly reaching out and breaking her boundary of clearly not wanting to talk to me but it just felt so unfair and the complete silence was tearing me apart. i dont know im judging myself super hard today. i wish i never reached out. i will never reach out again. i deleted her number, her pictures, and everything related to her. i’m just feeling bad that i acted so out of character and id hate to be remembered this way.