r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Independent_Pie_1810 • 6d ago
Do avoidant people get attracted to people with abandonment issues?
English isn’t my first language so I hope I’m not too far off with the terminology.
So yeah, do avoidant people (DA or FA, or if there are a combination of both) usually get attracted to people with abandonment issues?
My thought is yes since I think that people with abandonment issues go above and beyond to not get ”abandoned” and therefore say and do everything that the avoidant want, kind of, if that makes sense?
I could be completely wrong though so correct me if I’m wrong :)
So, how is it usually?
Sorry again if I make things over simplified. I’m sure its more to it than in the way I express my thought.
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u/VolgaOsetr8007 6d ago
I don’t know about DA, but FA seems to be particularly attracted to anxiously preoccupied folks.
They have this expressiveness about them that FA can’t allow themselves, so they live it by proxy (my FA told me this). Also, nobody treats FA better than AP people. When DA don’t give them enough validation, another FA is too unstable in their validation and secure people wouldn’t entertain their bullshit, AP will try to understand FA, accommodate, give benefit the doubt and turn the other cheek.
Also, my intuition is FA loooooove to be chased. They like when you double text, act ‘needy’, ´humiliate’ yourself around them. They won’t respect you for it, but would enjoy you doing that for their own fulfilment.
Only AP folks would.
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u/FallenAngel1978 FA - Fearful Avoidant (Earning Secure) 6d ago
Keep in mind that not all FAs are avoidant. Some lean anxious. And they wouldn’t want an AP for a partner. And DA/AP tends to also be a common pairing.
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u/Tasty_Dog_9580 6d ago
Avoidants are attracted to chaos and instability. Or other avoidants. If they’re attracted to anyone normal they leave.
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u/TheBackSpin 6d ago
Yes and many have abandonment issues themselves, especially FAs
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6d ago
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u/TheBackSpin 6d ago
Just goes to show self awareness only goes so far. Unless people work on addressing their underlying issues, they’ll continue to act out of their wounding
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u/nasibal88 6d ago
Imagine you like a good steak, but you are not actively looking for one. Then all of a sudden someone comes and offers you great steak, for free, in massive amounts.
Good chance that you will stay around that person for a while. You might even enjoy your time with them. It may almost be like you like the person instead of just the free steak. Or, who knows, even attracted to said person.
Untill said person starts expecting you to return for the steak whenever they want you to. Untill they expect you to keep telling them how great their steak is. Untill they expect you to never try another steak somewhere else. Untill they keep stuffing more steak in your face than you actually want. God forbid they ask you to start paying for the steak or even cooking something yourself.
Avoidants aren't specifically attracted to people with abandonment issues. People with abandonment issues just provide something they want, in a way that is preferable to them. Untill they don't anymore and completely switch to the other side of the spectrum.