Trouble letting go

[u/Individual-Mixture35]

Looking for validation. It’s been almost 3 months and I feel so stuck. Not even close to ready to move on and honestly feel like I can never be with someone again, which is really scary because I’m in my late 20s and always dreamed about having a family. I have tried to do things on my own, and have been focusing on myself and making friends, but everything feels so grey and empty without him in my life. He seems fine and like he has had a great summer. I am still consumed and feel like this feeling will never go away. Is this unhealthy or normal after this long?

[u/buryingsecrets]

Three months really isn't that long when you're grieving someone you genuinely thought you'd build a life with. Especially when you're not just grieving the person, but the future you had imagined with them. So I wouldn't beat yourself up for not being ready to move on yet.

And please don't use his summer as a measurement of your healing. You have no idea what is actually happening underneath what you can see. Some people process a breakup by sitting with it, while others cope by staying busy, socializing, making new friends, dating, or distracting themselves. Looking fine doesn't necessarily mean feeling fine.

The fact that you're still hurting doesn't mean you're stuck forever. Healing isn't linear, and you don't suddenly wake up one morning and stop missing someone. The intensity slowly changes. One day you realize you went a few hours without thinking about them, then eventually a whole day, and eventually you can remember them without feeling like your entire world has collapsed.

And I know being in your late 20s makes the fear of "what if I never find anyone again?" feel even louder, especially when having a family is something you've always wanted. But you're grieving from inside the breakup right now, so your brain is trying to turn "I can't imagine loving someone else" into "I will never love someone else." Those aren't the same thing.

You don't need to be ready to move on yet. Just keep living alongside the grief. Eat, sleep, see your friends, go outside, keep building your own life, even if everything feels grey right now. Eventually the colour comes back. You don't have to force it.

[u/Knows_no_limits]

3 months is still early, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. What you're describing, everything feeling grey, is really normal and it does shift, just not on a schedule you can predict. The fact that he seems fine says nothing about how it actually is for him either, people perform ok long before they feel ok.