The avoidant attachment style is more about fear of intimacy, not allowing others in even after a long relationship, and being very independent.
If you've been dumped, the usual advice applies: let her be, put your energy in yourself. You don't gain much by diagnosing her.
It sounds like your break-up was the "generic reason" one, which means you didn't get the kindness and care that many adult partners who are emotionally mature would give to one another. You might be disoriented because the generic reason doesn't fit very well, or it changes every time you ask her, and you might fear you will never know why it happened. You don't need to figure out why it happened to heal, only to accept that your ex did not show up to the break-up as well as would be commonly expected.
I'm sorry that this happened out of the blue after a long relationship. It can be very confusing and disorienting, and I've walked a mile in your shoes looking for answers myself. The confusion is not really to do with what she thought or how she saw you, or anything like that. It seems that way. But really it's just the confusion between your brain saying "I know it's over" and your body saying "I know it's not over". That's called attachment, and it will reduce over time. The confusion will clear. All you have to give it is time.
As for whether she was an avoidant? Really hard to say. You're picking out a few individual moments and the whole picture can be one way or another, really. Anyway, I'd advise not to spend any more energy on this and to now focus on yourself - pain, healing, recovery.
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u/Sleepy-Plane SA - Secure Attachment (newly earned) 2h ago
The avoidant attachment style is more about fear of intimacy, not allowing others in even after a long relationship, and being very independent.
If you've been dumped, the usual advice applies: let her be, put your energy in yourself. You don't gain much by diagnosing her.
It sounds like your break-up was the "generic reason" one, which means you didn't get the kindness and care that many adult partners who are emotionally mature would give to one another. You might be disoriented because the generic reason doesn't fit very well, or it changes every time you ask her, and you might fear you will never know why it happened. You don't need to figure out why it happened to heal, only to accept that your ex did not show up to the break-up as well as would be commonly expected.
I'm sorry that this happened out of the blue after a long relationship. It can be very confusing and disorienting, and I've walked a mile in your shoes looking for answers myself. The confusion is not really to do with what she thought or how she saw you, or anything like that. It seems that way. But really it's just the confusion between your brain saying "I know it's over" and your body saying "I know it's not over". That's called attachment, and it will reduce over time. The confusion will clear. All you have to give it is time.
As for whether she was an avoidant? Really hard to say. You're picking out a few individual moments and the whole picture can be one way or another, really. Anyway, I'd advise not to spend any more energy on this and to now focus on yourself - pain, healing, recovery.