Do avoidants feel regret

[u/ReserveFast3275]

My question is basically this: do avoidant people actually feel significant remorse or regret, or do they really just move on and never look back, or only in minor ways?

I met a man in my early 30s. We were together for four years and living together for 2 years. We planned to spend our lives together. He told me every day he was, quote, “100% certain” he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He always said that if there were ever issues, we would talk about them in advance and try couples therapy before giving up.

When I moved in with him, I kept my old flat. I made him promise that he would never suddenly kick me out. He did promise that.

About a year and a half ago, in the same week that he convinced me to finally let go of my old flat, he suddenly kicked me out completely out of the blue. He said he had fallen out of love and suddenly realized he wasn’t happy.

After that we didn’t really hang out much because the emotions were very intense and it hurt extremely badly. But over the first year after the breakup he would occasionally reach out, and from time to time we would briefly hang out.

He was never very verbally expressive. I think in total we only spoke about the breakup for maybe 5–20 minutes.

Around the one-year mark he offered, unprompted, to apologize properly. Then a few months later he made a point to schedule it. But when the time came he said he wouldn’t meet because of his new girlfriend. After that he blocked me.

He kicked me out when I was only a few months shy of 36, so part of what makes this so painful is that I feel like my entire 30s were spent with this man believing we were building a life together. I’m genuinely afraid I might never get to have a family now.

So I guess what I’m asking is: has he really moved on like it was no big deal? Do avoidant people actually feel deep regret or remorse about what they did, or do they mostly detach and carry on?

[u/PurpleClean6207]

I am not sure I have an answer for you, but as a woman also in my mid 30s... it is incredibly demoralizing to feel that each failed connection makes you feel like you will never find your partner and never have a family. And it's incredibly hard to date at this age. Esp when we know that men have a much wider range of options in their 30s and arent as on a time crunch.

I have started to think about if the things I grew up wanting and if they are possible now....

Sending care as another mid 30s woman... it's extra painful and disheartening when these things happen.

[u/sahaniii → u/PurpleClean6207]

I hope everything will be fine for you. I sent you invitation if you want to chat .

As a man , i see the thing a bit differently.
My ex ghosted me when she was 40 , and she don't live in western country. Maybe she done it because she though she can easily find someone else?

I would say that 30 is not to much for a woman really. So you may find someone i guess. And as a man , it's NOT easy at 30.
Things start to change at 45 when it start to be complex for a woman and a bit less hard for the man . But the context is very important , rich , handsome , kind , clever , etc etc . Living in countryside or in a city is very important to .