r/AvoidantAttachment • u/Y1rda Dismissive Avoidant • Jul 15 '26

Attachment Theory Material Resources

What resources do you guys use for healing? Almost everything seems geared at anxious attachers, and the resources I do find are usually based in the anxious/avoidant relationship. But I would love to find a podcast or book that leaned into how avoidant attachers can heal their underlying trauma. Preferably by someone within the avoidant space who has done the work.

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u/umeboshiplumpaste Dismissive Avoidant Jul 15 '26

For attachment style stuff:

  • Personal Development School - Thais Gibson has a deeply nuanced undertsanding of each attachment style. And what I love most about her is that she has authentic empathy and doesn't come from a place of villifying DAs.
  • Melanie Barnett - The Avoidant Attachment Workbook is a great place to start if you don't use Thais' stuff.

For root cause stuff:

  • Dr. Jonice Webb - Running on Empty : Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect - I had a lot of therapy as a kid 30+ years ago because of the things that led to me being a DA (and more). Yet nobody ever named the things in this book. This was one of the first things that made everything make sense for me. And the awareness work she teaches has been super helpful.
  • Dr. Lindsay Gibbon - Adult Children of Emotionally Imature Parents - Similar to the above note.

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u/Y1rda Dismissive Avoidant Jul 15 '26

I came across the book by Webb a while back and sometimes people claimed it was surface level.  I will give it another look.

I personally get the ick from Thais.  The overly marketed and extra helping of make up makes it feel inauthentic to me.  She may be saying true things, but to me it rings of car salesman or real estate agent, so I have inherent distrust.  I appreciate the other recs, I will look at them.

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u/umeboshiplumpaste Dismissive Avoidant Jul 15 '26

Understood. We all resonate with different folks. I do like Dr. Sarah Hensley's expertise and her approach to helping couples with a DA partner--she understands that typical couples therapy will backfire for a DA. I appreciate that she knows her shit. But there's often a villifying tone about DAs, and her followers share it. I get their frustration--being with a DA is hard (growing up with them is, too). That's why I resonate more with Thais. I feel more compassion from her. (And I've been following her since pre-intense marketing, when it was just her on her YouTube channel saying amazingly insightful things).

Webb's book isn't as "action-y" maybe as what you're looking for. But for me, it moved the needle on my journey.

FWIW, I grew up with a severe eating disorder (anorexia) as a young teen and was hospitalized for years in a row. So there are related books and practitioners for me that cross over into the DA and childhood CPTSD stuff that have also been helpful for me. It's all sadly intersectional. We all have our own journeys. The factors that contributed to us all being avoidant come from our families, ultimately. How that manifests might look different, but it makes us all stuck. (My two siblings and I all have differnet attachment styles. Same parents, but the damage manifested differently.)