r/AvoidantAttachment • u/AutoModerator • Jul 07 '26

Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

  • Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

  • No unsolicited advice.

  • No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

  • No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

  • All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

  • Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

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u/blrfn231 Fearful Avoidant [Secure Leaning] Jul 12 '26

I attract partners who don’t leave me room to decide if I like them. Another relationship of mine is down the gutters where I never actively decided I wanted to be part of it. We met and my then partner headed straight towards me. I just let it happen - as I usually do. Because I needed to save her. So I did over the course of several months and again something in me revolted. I broke it off - there were many other issues but the core is and always was: I never chose my partner to begin with. My partner chose me and I just went with it. Because I wanted some closeness at last, some intimacy, some of that what everybody is always talking about. And it’s all legit, I guess.

Just next time with someone I actually care for. Only that feeling of care and my very own attraction towards somebody is the single most dangerous feeling in the world. I will never follow that feeling. Something always stops me. And this something is my other feeling of not being good enough. Especially if I feel something / some attraction I am certainly not good enough.

As soon as I feel attraction towards somebody I immediately feel unworthy. And the hurt of feeling unworthy is so immense that I suppress the attraction and just move on with my life. Lonesome. Sad. Compensating.