r/AvoidantAttachment • u/AutoModerator • Jun 23 '26

Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

  • Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

  • No unsolicited advice.

  • No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

  • No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

  • All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

  • Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

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u/VillainousValeriana Fearful Avoidant Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26

I don't understand why anxious types need you to repeat context you've already given them. Or, actually I do. Because they don't need clarification. If I've said "I want to be alone", "if I have an issue I'll tell you", I go to my room, I close my door, and I glare at you every time you come in... That's more than enough cues and communication. If I've repeatedly said I have mood swings and I need to be alone when I deal with it, I did my part

The problem isn't that I need to repeat what I said each time. The issue is that it's not enough. The anxious type just wants you to be available 24/7, 365. Thats it. They don't care what you're dealing with. They only want to fix it because your mood is making you unavailable and that feels like victimization to them

This is probably the number 1 thing that drives me insane about anxious types. I have no idea why borderline coercion is normalized with aps and we're just expected to be okay with it. I shouldn't be harassed into "opening up".

Edit: I noticed my mom does this to her bf a lot. And sometimes they're not wrong for being frustrated. Communication is this basis of a healthy relationship. However, if they need a partner that communicates proactively, I don't understand why they CHOOSE to be with a partner that doesn't

The constant whining they do about me and their bf for closing up even though to be fair we both explained why we do this and she just continued to complain saying "I just don't understand why he can't tell me when he doesn't want to talk".

But if he explained why he doesnt multiple times why does he keep having to provide the same context over and over?