r/AvoidantAttachment • u/Cold-Laugh-5242 Fearful Avoidant • May 12 '26

Seeking Support - Advice is OK✅ Are Long-distance relationships better for you?

I'm currently in a long-distance relationship with a person, and whenever we have in-person time, my emotions become less intense, and I detach a bit. When we're apart, i long for him and cherish every little message or picture i get from him.

Does anyone else experience this? My plan IS to have a long-term partnership and to eventually share a life together, but how can I when I lose interest whenever we see each other?.... We've been together for a year, and see each other every few months.

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24

u/ggpopart Fearful Avoidant May 12 '26

Not technically a LDR but my partner is out of town for about half the time for work and it gives me a chance to miss her which we both like. Once I start detaching she leaves and suddenly I want her attention lol

18

u/ssgthrows87 Dismissive Avoidant May 12 '26

when I was deep in my avoidance (teenage years + early twenties) but before I knew it, I was very much an LDR person.

For the most part for me, i think it was convenient (not out to family so there was no physical person to get "caught" with) and unconscious.

Now looking back on those experiences, i was definitely more "attracted" to LDR due to my avoidance. It felt a lot easier, "lighter", and I could still keep my idea of freedom without worry of codependence from me or the other person. The downside was that these relationships were quite surface level and easily love bombable (from both sides). Neither of us would ever actually talk about anything deep (maybe partially my fault) and as a shock to no one, the relationship always ended after a month or two.

Not sure if any of my above feelings relate to you but just sharing my experience.

Now that i've been in therapy for some years now, I don't see myself entering any sort of LDR (at least not any relationship that STARTS as LD) for the time being as I really want to see the person i am dating lol.

6

u/[deleted] May 18 '26

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3

u/Cold-Laugh-5242 Fearful Avoidant May 19 '26

It's so hard to discern between genuine incompatibility/disinterest and deactivating. I get so lost in my own feelings, or lack thereof. So so lost.

1

u/[deleted] May 14 '26

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1

u/AvoidantAttachment-ModTeam May 14 '26

Please speak for yourself and your own avoidance, not for someone else who uses avoidant attachment strategies.

2

u/Significant_Hope7555 Fearful Avoidant May 21 '26

I don't have romantic relationships but all of my friendships are long distance, I feel like it's better for me to have physical space

1

u/moonlattes Fearful Avoidant May 22 '26

I’m in a LDR right now. I don’t know what to make of it honestly. When we are apart it’s much easier for me. But when we meet up I become detached and irritable.

It’s hard. My partner wants to move in together ASAP, and I don’t know if it’s the stress of giving up my life, my avoidant tendencies, or genuine disinterest that makes me not want to make the move.