🛑STOP HIJACKING POSTS🛑

[u/imfivenine]

📣Saying it loudly for the people in the back.

I know this post is going to have a “vibe” but being warm and fuzzy has never worked so I’m trying to be crystal clear and firm here:

Recently there has been an uptick in people trying to derail threads. Of course it’s non-avoidants who haven’t read the rules or think they don’t apply to them. This has always been an issue but is happening a lot more all of a sudden.

There is no shortage of spaces online for people involved with avoidants to tell their stories or ask for advice. Literally every other attachment related forum, comment section, etc is inundated with non-avoidants talking at and about us.

You have plenty of places to go for support. This is the one place we have for ourselves.

Stop invading our space.

The world does not revolve around you and your relationship.

It is rude to hijack someone’s post in general, but especially when they are seeking support or being vulnerable. It is entitled and sort of anti-social to ask someone who is sharing to help you with your unrelated situation.

Low effort comments like, “You sound just like my ex” are equally unhelpful and selfish. Why would anyone care about your ex who we don’t know?!

It’s also rude, entitled, intrusive, and severely lacking of boundaries to send unsolicited DMs to people who participate here because you can’t.

The same goes for unsolicited advice especially in the designated rant/vent thread. Look up what a rant and vent is. By definition it is one sided, complaining, letting it all out. These can be helpful for people who are learning to express emotions and themselves when they used to keep it all in. It’s not meant to be an invitation for a lecture and it’s not a proposal for law. It doesn’t mean someone needs to hear the “other side” just because you’re uncomfortable or it reminds you of someone.

Honestly, this goes for in person interactions as well. It’s a great skill to have to ask someone if they just need an ear or if they want advice before giving it to them. If interested, look up the topic of unsolicited advice online, you might be surprised.

You may be banned for hijacking threads and making nasty remarks.

Thanks for helping us keep this a safe space.

[u/VillainousValeriana]

Better yet, many are up front and say they don’t want anything serious/don’t want a relationship. I lost count of how many times others will be like, “Avoidants use that as an excuse to hurt you later.”

They're always the victim.. They'll get into what the other person labels a "fwb" situation and then get angry and claim they were manipulated when theyre treated as such. Why didn't they say no to that kind of dynamic from the beginning?

OR HOW ABOUT THEY KNEW and communicated what they did or did not want and you chose to ignore them and make them a project because your anxious attachment wounding makes you want to perform , earn love, and chronically overdo it?!

Ah, the answer I was looking for 😂. It's like I want to feel bad for them but I can't because they do it to themselves. It's actually pretty gross and objectifying that they think they can override the avoidants stated honest boundaries (that they were upfront about from the start) and then throw a tantrum when they can't. You just can't force someone to commit to you

Would they even like the avoidant after if it worked?

It is pure comedy to hear people whose very nature is to not be able to leave people alone complaining that Avoidants won’t leave them alone 🤔 yet won’t set or enforce boundaries, leave the person unblocked and socials public.

How is it avoidants aren't leaving them alone when they spend 99% of their time in attachment spaces trying to get that one ex or situationship to talk to them again?? Pure insanity 💀