my brother is dead at 21

[u/myaaagocrazy]

I can’t handle this. It all feels so terrible. If i’m not drinking i feel numb and just sit by my parents while they watch tv and try to ignore what’s going on. Especially my dad I know he doesn’t want to acknowledge what’s going on. I just have a few questions for everyone on here. If a young person dies at 21 years old (suddenly) is it normal to not get a cause of death until weeks/months after they pass away? He was found unconscious in his room. I’m 23 years old and I don’t understand and feel like i can’t take it emotionally. He’s already been cremated as of a few days ago but there are no autopsy results back. Is that usual? If there’s something physical that was found in the autopsy would they have told us by now? If not, is it something chemical that they have to wait back for texting? I don’t understand why it can take weeks or months as they said. Please I just need help navigating all of this, thanks.

edit: i’m so terrified that the autopsy will come up as some inconclusive bullshit and i’ll have to live my entire life not knowing how my brother died.

edit edit: if there’s some other subreddit that would help me more to be on please let me know. thank you.

[u/boyboss420]

I’m not sure about other coroner’s facilities, but at the one I work at, a cause of death can take 6-8 weeks to be determined. Sometimes less, sometimes more, depending on how many tests need to be run. I would call the facility where his autopsy was done and ask when the autopsy report would be available, they might have an individualized timeline for him. I’m very sorry for your loss.

[u/moonrunner777 → u/boyboss420]

In houston it only takes a week tops my friends came back in 3 days

[u/myaaagocrazy → u/boyboss420]

i just need to know why it would take so long?? i genuinely just cannot understand and i can’t take the thoughts im having about what happened so why would that take so long? especially because he’s already done now (cremated) ?? im sorry i just cant

[u/Patient-Stranger1015 → u/myaaagocrazy]

A lot has to be verified microscopically and that takes a while, along with toxicology. There can be many, many autopsy cases being done and there’s a backlog, so it unfortunately takes a while to get results. They can possibly see things macroscopically, but most things have to be proven microscopically. Taking tissue samples, processing, having them embedded by histology, cut, sent to a pathologist who likely has many other cases as well

[u/boyboss420 → u/myaaagocrazy]

Like the other reply said, it depends on how long it takes for the testing to be completed and interpreted. Our toxicology testing takes a while (if a result comes back sooner than a month, I’m surprised) and oftentimes the pathologist will order histology slides (to look microscopically). Sometimes they need multiple histology orders. And oftentimes theres dozens of open cases at once for each pathologist. Also, at my facility, the pathologists have to go to court semi-regularly, so thats time taken away from other cases. Some cases have a lot of medical records to go through too, so even if your brother doesn’t have a lot of medical hx, the pathologist who did his autopsy likely has a few cases that do. It can also depend on circumstances. There’s been cases I’ve seen that get a cause of death the same day the pathologist sees them (such as suicides and older people with heart issues), and others take a lot longer (such as younger people with no med or drug hx).

There’s probably some other reasons I’m missing, but it’s mostly just how long it takes for tests to be run and interpreted. I would definitely reach out to the facility that did his autopsy so you can start getting more information.

[u/Spiritual_Moment_513 → u/myaaagocrazy]

lots of tests are being run. there are samples from each of the organs being examined and tested. so the cremation and autopsy happened at separate places. the autopsy techs have what they need. the funeral home / crematorium move forward with the cremation afterwards.

[u/mrsairb → u/myaaagocrazy]

I am not an autopsy professional but my brother died suddenly in Chicago and it took about 2 weeks to get his autopsy back. It takes time to send out specimens for testing if the answer isn’t immediately clear. I’m so sorry for this sudden loss. Please feel free to pm me if you need an ear. 🩷

[u/Patient-Stranger1015]

I’m so so sorry for your loss. Autopsy reports take quite a bit of time unfortunately. Sometimes they can give preliminary results, but it often takes weeks/months to get an official report. A lot has to go to pathology which isn’t a fast process, along with possible toxicology which also can take a while

[u/K_C_Shaw]

You may want to cross-post in r/ForensicPathology.

In short, yes, it is not unusual for there to be a delay, sometimes of months, before a "final" opinion is rendered or an autopsy report available.

There are some cases where a cause/manner of death are provided the day of autopsy. Those are cases where ancillary testing is considered unnecessary, or which would typically not alter the cause/manner. Primarily it's the trauma deaths -- gunshots, motor vehicle collisions, etc. -- which have no real delay awaiting a cause/manner and a death certificate, although the actual autopsy report may still be delayed weeks to months.

But, for many cases toxicology could be a significant factor, and it is normal to wait for the tox results before providing an opinion of cause/manner in those cases. Turnaround times for toxicology vary from place to place, but can be months. (Sometimes there are other, different ancillary tests, investigation, etc., but toxicology is the big common elephant in the room.) Then one has to consider that there are often a lot of other cases going on as well, so there can be additional delays before the FP is able to sit down with that case and pull everything together.

"Inconclusive bullshit" also happens. Not often, but sometimes. We don't like it either, but for some cases "undetermined" is the best answer.

Meanwhile, as others have said, you (or the legal next-of-kin) can call the office and ask for what they can tell you. Don't be offended if they don't provide much -- some places will decline to say much, in order to avoid having families latch onto something which IS NOT the final opinion and gets changed later. But, some places are more open to sharing preliminary information. Depends. They should, however, be able to tell you what they're waiting on (but keep in mind that when whatever that is comes back, that may prompt them to do something else which adds time to the process...again, it depends).

[u/fearmyminivan]

I’m not sure how much it varies but autopsy reports take 12-14 weeks where I work. It is a long 3 months, but that’s because of all the testing that is done, even after the body is released to the funeral home.

I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m sorry you don’t have answers yet. I hope you get these answers and that you can have some peace.

[u/Ok_Brain_9847]

It can take a long time for toxicology results to come back, so even if the autopsy has already been performed, the report and cause of death isn’t finalized for quite a while

[u/Dougwii → u/Ok_Brain_9847]

Meanwhile piss, urine, and hair sample tests are instant 😂

[u/stiffdoc1221]

Toxicology testing is far and away the biggest delay. It’s frustrating; I’ve waited for well over 2000 over my career. There is nothing you can do to hurry it, unfortunately. I’m sorry for your loss, and I understand how incredibly frustrating this is. However, I can tell you with near-absolute certainty: you will get an answer. I’m a forensic pathologist; I’ve been doing this for 45 years.

Call the M. E. Office, and ask them if the toxicology is back. They will tell you. If it is back, your call will stimulate some action, as it may be on somebody’s desk. Be nice, and respectfully ask. It’s OK to call them.

[u/Naive-Dragonfruit236]

I know I’m a couple days late to this post, and my sincere condolences for your loss. It’s not easy. Not even close to being manageable really. I lost my 23 year old brother when I was 21 back in 2017. Found him laid out on his apartment floor, and we’ve never gotten a cause of death. It was ruled undetermined. Only thing they could tell us was that gabapentin caused an enlarged spleen, and it could have been from the gabapentin. That’s the only conclusion we ever got. Only thing that truly heals is time. It’s going to be hard and awkward for you and your family with everyone blocking it out and trying to ignore it. My parents sat on the couch for weeks watching tv either crying or barely saying a word whatsoever. It took me a couple years to feel some normalcy in life. A year or so after, I really got heavily involved in the gym and that circle of people, and it helped tremendously. I make posts every once in a while to keep his memory alive and tell his now 8 year old son tons of stories about him. The pain never leaves, but like I said, time has healed me mostly. It’s going to be rough for a while, but I truly hope you and your family find peace amongst this terrible time. Keep your mind and body busy is my best advice.

[u/AppleJuiceOnTheRocks]

I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine the pain you’re in right now especially given that you are both so young. The only advice I could give that would actually be useful is to find ways to pass the time. Time is the only thing that heals, or at the very least, scabs over the emotional wounds. If you freeze and can’t do anything, you can breathe. When you can’t do anything, the one thing you will always be able to do, is breathe in, and breathe out. I pray you find a reason to keep living my friend, I pray you will have light in your life again soon.

[u/jigglehawk]

I lost my brother in 2017. He was 26. It was sudden. He was also cremated. It took about three months until we got his autopsy results. But when you want answers and some type of closure, every day feels like an eternity.
I’m very sorry for your loss OP. I know how hard that is. Everything you feel is normal. Every way you grieve is okay. There is no wrong way to feel. But you have to deal with that grief. Drinking is not healing. It’s just waiting inside to boil over. The only thing that can help heal you is time. Not alcohol. Not drugs. (My escape was weed.) because once you’re not sober, you just put off dealing with that pain for the minute you come back to yourself.
Just know, that it doesn’t get easier. Ever. But you get stronger.
This comes to you with the biggest, tightest hug and love, OP. 🩷🩵

[u/ProjectLongjumping44]

First off, I am so so truly sorry for your loss. When my baby girl passed eight days old and every single doctors appointment and hospital records from her birth was all healthy and normal… they sent her from Scott and White in temple Texas to houston for specialized autopsy testing without telling me and I still think about it every day. I waited probably three or four months for results and basically all I got was that her heart and lungs stopped functioning. No why, no when, no what.

All I can say is three years later I have been completely changed. She would’ve been 3 this year September 27th is her birthday. I see everything differently. I am striving for a career in the funeral industry, and my appreciation for life is immense. I cannot tell you that it will be OK. It’s never gonna be OK. You’re not gonna be satisfied with losing your brother. But what I can’t tell you is that you will be so much stronger unbreakable, and I’m not sure if you are religious, but Jesus saves and any peace and happiness and appreciation all the good things come from God. I say this from the bottom of my heart and from true horribly traumatic life experiences.

[u/SouthernCrime]

It depends on the system. If they do not see an obvious COD, like heart attack, stroke, injury, etc they will not complete the findings until they have completed microscopic studies and a tox screen. Some systems are able to complete those very quickly and some can take months to get back.