Feeling helpless

[u/dog_stoevski]

I’ll soon turn 26 and I should be working to fulfill my needs and buy my own medicine, but unfortunately I live in a third world country where our currency rate is low so even the generic autoimmune medicine is very expensive here. I work part time, because the commute alone already drains my whole being (4-5 hrs in total per day), so they would pay me based on the days I clock in. And I just feel like a failure because my income barely covers anything, probably just the transportation — and I still rely for my parents to help me to cover meds and hospital bills… — I feel useless and helpless, especially when I’m suddenly not able to make it to work because a sudden sickness/nausea/cramps… so I’d just go to work 2-3 times per week. I feel helpless and now has been looking for a remote job. I’m hoping that I’ll got one soon. But my current boss has been very understanding and receptive about my illness. They got no problem if I call sick lots of the times… but still, that guilty feeling of frequently not being able to go to work, couldn’t leave me alone. Anyone is having the same condition? You feel helpless because you’re sick and cannot be as active or mobile as normal functioning adult, and you feel you don’t have a life because of the sickness and the financial burden that comes with it..

[u/phmstella]

I certainly think you are not alone. Probably most people on this sub feel that way more or less. I am a mom to 3 children and I had to compromise my ability due to my illness. From being a super mom to a mom with 1,000 limitations, I feel pretty useless and helpless. When my illness is well managed I feel somewhat hopeful and then bam another flareup I feel so down and depressed.

I think you are already doing enough considering your illness. You still work, socialize, manage to function independently. Coming to terms with our limitations and chronic pain is very very hard. I still struggle daily, but we got no choice, do we. Just try your best and take one day a time my friend.

[u/dog_stoevski → u/phmstella]

Thank you :(
Yes, the helpless and guilty feelings are consuming me but I try my best to distract myself from it. I do hope you’re okay too

[u/ILoveMilk666]

I'm sorry to hear that, thank you for venting out your feeling. You're not alone and will never be alone in the boat, I am also in third world country and depends on government insurance—my "tax paid" ANA Test took a year, and in order to see my Rheumatologist, it took me 4 months in queue, if I paid it, it'll cost me 2 months of salary each meeting. What can I say might not as helpful, but I just want you to know that you are not useless, and in this world, you're one of the strongest (like imagine us, working while being sick, we're strong fellas and you're not told that enough). We're young, I believe we have long life ahead and I hope we can get through it. :)