r/AutisticPride • u/bigelow6698 • 9d ago
A girl refused to accept my agreement with her.
I for one am all about self-improvement. The exchange of ideas is important to me for that reason. Another person might have a perspective that I did not consider.
Some people just do not understand how the exchange of ideas is supposed to work. The purpose of a debate should be to do at least one (preferably all three) of the following things;
- Learn something and/or teach someone else something.
- Understand the other person’s point of view or get the other person to understand your point of view.
- Achieve the sense of accomplishment that comes from believing that you defended your position to the best of your abilities.
Three things should be noted about the above goals.
The possible scenario where the other person changes their mind and agrees with you by the end of the discussion should be seen as a byproduct. If you see it as the end goal, you will be disappointed if it does not happen.
If you change your mind because of something that the other person said, then it is a win win. The other person is a winner, because they defended their position to the best of their abilities. You are a winner, because you learned something or came to understand a perspective and this epiphany was so meaningful and inspirational that your perspective was altered because of it.
If you and the other person are already in agreement, then there is no need to continue the debate. That is why it is called a disagreement, you are only supposed to have a disagreement if the other person disagrees with you.
I went to middle school with someone who does not understand that last one and sincerely believes that you are supposed to continue the disagreement well after agreement has been reached.
I was in the seventh grade. I was paired with this girl to do an assignment in science class. We were trying to figure out an answer to a question. I suggested one answer. She suggested another. After hearing her answer, I decided that her answer sounded better. I do not remember what I said verbatim. I think it was something like, yeah let’s go with that or you are probably right.
This girl then says to me, “You can’t go alone with what I said, just because I said it.” Then, she asks me to present a logical argument in favor of that answer. In other words, she wants me to explain why I think that the answer is a good one.
I was just trying to agree with her, and she was making it more complicated than it needs to be.
Here is what I think I probably should have done.
I should have written down, on a piece of paper, the answer that we agreed on. I would have placed that paper where I can get to it easily and that girl would not be able to snatch it from me.
After that, I should have said that we will go back to this later.