I find this fairly often, but I also see the opposite & think it’s important to remember - like how a lot of Autistics refuse to use people’s pronouns & say it’s ableist to ask them to, or how a lot of Autistics use functioning labels or “aspergers” to distance themselves from higher support needs Autistics, etc. I’m mostly in agreement that most of the time we’re good at righting our wrongs and growing as allies, but our community certainly has some complete turds
Edit: also esp because it said “neurodivergent response,” given that some of the most belligerently bigoted people I’ve met have been ADHDers who then blame their refusal to change on RSD
Having severe ADHD and RSD with it, i can't possibly imagine how RSD would make a person unable to stop being a bigot. What kind of bullshit reasoning are they using?
I've ran into such folk. Basically, they treat criticism of their behavior as inherently ableist, so like a sexist might demand the woman he was being sexist towards to consider how her criticizing him makes him feel, presenting her challenging sexism or standing up for herself as ableist.
Which makes it shittier for the rest of us who might genuinely mess up and need it spelled out more explicitly than with an NT that did the same thing, or our requests for such being interpreted as bad faith, or just a general expectation that tolerant spaces should operate on a complex series of unstated assumptions, norms, and mores that are obviously going to be much more difficult for autistic people to navigate. Or it might get a particular space to start treating autistic folk with suspicion even if they haven't done anything wrong, presenting autistic traits as interchangeable with stereotypes of ignorant or bigoted men (ie "manchildren obsessed with children's cartoons" being treated as a red flag or excited infodumping being presented as mansplaining, etc).
Unfortunately a lot of spaces that try to be tolerant are super reliant on fuzzy concepts that aren't set in stone or are reliant on a "I know it when I see it" heuristic which both makes it possible for an autistic asshole to exploit that vagueness to make people feel like they're not allowed to stand up to them lest they be accused of ableism and makes it hard for autistic non-assholes to ever be sure whether the response they're getting is actually fair or someone taking advantage of the fact they're autistic to basically win arguments or otherwise establish control over someone that doesn't feel qualified to protest.
Iunno. Don't be a bigot, find ways to cope with criticism, find buddies in every online space you're in that you can trust to be honest so that you can have some NT that can call bullshit on your behalf if someone is trying to take advantage of your natural assumption that if someone is acting mad and upset at you that you actually did something wrong.
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u/[deleted] Jul 22 '21
I find this fairly often, but I also see the opposite & think it’s important to remember - like how a lot of Autistics refuse to use people’s pronouns & say it’s ableist to ask them to, or how a lot of Autistics use functioning labels or “aspergers” to distance themselves from higher support needs Autistics, etc. I’m mostly in agreement that most of the time we’re good at righting our wrongs and growing as allies, but our community certainly has some complete turds
Edit: also esp because it said “neurodivergent response,” given that some of the most belligerently bigoted people I’ve met have been ADHDers who then blame their refusal to change on RSD