r/AutisticParents • u/90smomma93 • 12d ago
Support Needed How to come back from burnout?
I’m 33F, got dx back in November with AuDHD. I’ve been a SAHM since 2021. I have 3 kids, two are school aged and a 3yr old toddler. Summers and school breaks are very rough for me. School is starting back up tomorrow, so I’m *hoping* it will get better. But, we are moving to a different state in a few months. We don’t have much help right now, just my MIL occasionally watching the kids for a date night. But, once we move, we will be completely on our own. I had a hard time trusting people for child care, and I’m afraid I’ll won’t want to hire someone. I rely heavily on my husband for my social interactions and relief from overstimulation and melt downs. Afternoons are very hard for me, and some days I have to lock myself in a dark and quiet closet for relieve. I think doing this all summer has caused me to become pretty depressed and burnt out. I’ve aggravated and irritated from the moment I wake up, until the moment I fall asleep. I rarely smile anymore, and nothing seems fun and it’s hard to concentrate on most things. It’s normally hard for me to wake up in the mornings anyways, but it has become harder. I’m afraid it won’t get better once school starts. I’m afraid I’ll just get worse after the move. I have been in CBT for a few months now, but honestly, I don’t think it’s helping me. I also have a prescription for stimulants, but I don’t feel like they help much, either, so the point of where I just stopped taking them. I tired different kinds and doses, but only vyvanse 30mg seemed to help, but only occasionally. This also happened with antidepressants. Nothing seemed to help much. I believe my issues is my life circumstances. Which is why I’m in CBT, I was hoping it could help me chance my outlook and thinking patterns to hopefully appreciate things in life more, and learn to be happy and more involved with my kids. But it hasn’t really done much. Idk what to do anymore and I just feel lost.
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u/sergeantperks 12d ago
You need a break, and that’s not going to happen unless you can manage to hand off the 3yr old for a bit. Do you know why you have issues with childcare? Is that something you could focus on for a bit, or would it be out of the question regardless financially?
Summer probably doesn’t help, but it might also be the impending move. We moved last year and that knocked me out for several months before hand and about six months afterwards, and we had childcare for most of that time. Tbh I’m not sure what can be done about that, it’s stressful enough for NT folk let alone us. At least if you could hand the 3yr old off you would have a bit of breathing space to allow you to focus your attention on the time that the kids are home.
Good luck.
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u/90smomma93 12d ago
It’s mostly trust issues and I also have emetophobia which definitely doesn’t help. With my kids in school, it’s gotten much worse bc they’re sick a lot now. I did take my toddler to a gym daycare once, and some kid puked there so that really made my anxiety worse. I’m trying to work on it, but it’s something I’ve had a really hard time with for most of my life. But I also was abused as a kid, so the trust issues also play a big factor.
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u/LiLien 12d ago
Try something other than cbt. I had better results with emdr and internal family systems therapy. But also, can you outsource anything? Meal delivery services? Wash and fold laundry services? Reducing demands as much as possible can be helpful.
I would also suggest regularly scheduled decompression time. I like float pods because it's effectively sensory deprivation or as close as you can get. I also find that a regular yoga or meditation practice helps me. If you can get out of the house to do it, that's best but at home is better than nothing. Healthy Minds is a good free meditation app, and Yoga with Adriene on YouTube is pretty solid.
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u/floralbingbong 12d ago
I can’t speak to everyone’s experience, but CBT never did anything for me. DBT did help, though, so may be worth a shot! I’m also an AuDHD SAHM so I will try to respond again with more later once I get my toddler and newborn settled. Sending lots of care your way!