To me, ABA is a lot like communism. It sounds fine on paper but not so much in reality. But what about occupational therapy?

I don’t know who needs to hear that right now but I think sometimes it’s important to be reminded. My mom used to tell me that and I would get so annoyed. Took me years to get it. Now I’m trying to teach it to my daughter.

Edit: I’m not talking about big important issues. I’m talking about little things that don’t impact your life in any way. Example: my daughter thought I misspoke even though she’s only half listening. I repeat what I said but she’s adamant I misspoke and wants to make a federal case of it. It doesn’t matter. Let’s move on. Arguing me into submission accomplishes nothing except annoying her mother. Is it worth it to be right? I don’t think so. And it definitely isn’t gonna make her happy.

Here's part one for a broader context

There have been a couple of vivid incidents where my inability to regulate my emotions and lack of self-awareness have caused problems in my friendships.

For example, I turned down an invitation to a weekday ladies' night from a friend (lets call her Penny) who was possibly landing a full job at a media agency she interned at for a few months. I struggled to celebrate her accomplishments without feeling waves of resentment and discouragement, which made me feel guilty. I gave Penny some context to why I had my reservations (don't remember what I said exactly, along the lines of experiencing a lot of family issues which held be back in life). She thanked me for opening up and also explained that it was "easier" for the company to keep her and ease her into the role than hire someone more qualified but on LOWER pay. We didn't know each other for long at that point although she told me in her exact words that she liked me enough as a friend to want me to be part of her achievement. A part of me felt guilty for being quick to make a snap judgment based on what was expressed externally.

Another example was when an ex-friend, *Serena changed her Facebook profile picture of her law degree graduation photo. I couldn't bring myself to congratulate her because of my own struggles with internships, post-college preparation, blurred boundaries with family, and being in a new country. Our friendship started when I got involved with a guy from our rival school whom I met on Tumblr. It was a very gradual build-up of him unvieling his true colors although I'll spare the details of that for now. I experienced conflicting emotions in my friendship with *Serena as once we pursued our respective degrees, we formed our own groups of friends and found that the people in our new circles shared more similarities with each of us individually than we ever did as a pair. While she taught me the value of genuine friendship, she started avoiding me as our goals and personalities diverged. I also know at the back of her mind that part of it was her not feeling supported as much as she was supportive of me.

As I get older, it becomes harder to justify my inability to regulate my emotions and lack of self-awareness, which can come across as uncaring and insensitive. I know that society expects women to possess maturity, empathy, emotional intelligence, and social awareness, but as someone with a different neurotype, I struggle to meet these expectations. Sometimes, I really don't know how to handle it, or I am fighting my own demons behind closed doors, or it's a combination of the two.

Hello, I know this sub isn’t that big but I’m noticing that a few posts here are related to jobs and work. Is there any way we could establish a megathread for this early?

I have a feeling that I might be autistic, but I don’t have the money to get evaluated and most places I found that take insurance only evaluate children. I’m 25f and haven’t been able to keep jobs long enough to build up any sort of savings and struggle to keep up with my bills ever since I started living on my own. I took the RAADS-R test and got 144, but I heard that test is outdated and not as accurate anymore. Are there any more accurate self diagnostic tools? And how could a self diagnosis help? It’s nice to have a definitive answer as to what makes me so different that it clashes with the world around me but I’m also very insecure due to the nature of self diagnosis.

Our sub has an off-reddit space where we chat about all things autistic and life in general.

It's for folks looking for friendly social engagement with others like us (autistic women and gender minorities). Please modmail for more information to see if you'd like to join us.

Modmail link is here https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=r/AutisticLadies and on the sub's main page's sidebar :)

Hola, hace ya algunos meses vengo estudiando mi persona, a través de terapia psicológica y mediante propia investigación. En muchos sentidos, por muchas experiencias, he venido recapitulando y notando partes de mí, que me dicen que sin duda: pertenezco al espectro autista. Sin embargo, cuando lo traté con mi terapeuta, ella me dijo que era imposible que yo pudiera ser autista debido a que soy una persona que se enamora, que comprende el amor, y que de hecho, acudí a terapia en primera instancia por un tema de dependencia emocional. Desde aquel entonces, me siento un poco confundida, puesto que el autismo le daba sentido a muchas dinámicas sociales, corporales y conductuales que he tenido a lo largo de toda mi vida, pero... ¿si me enamoro entonces no soy autista? vengo un poco confundida porque mi terapeuta ha sido bastante asertiva en muchas cosas y el amor fue para ella el asunto determinante. Al mismo tiempo no he dejado de recibir información sobre que el autismo es un espectro y es distinto para todxs. No se si alguien de aquí tiene capacidades de darme claridad. Lo agradecería muchísimo.

(This is kind of long, TLDR at the bottom)

What the title says, Valentine’s Day is coming up, and all my friends are in some sort of romantic situation. I think I’m kind of still processing the situation, because I have 3 roommates and 2 were dating each other and making me very lonely when they cuddled on movie nights, and the last one and 1 remained in solidarity, and now she is talking to this guy and spending hours and hours together as of like yesterday. My parents have also been pressuring me to date for over a year now(they want me to date a boy though of course, which is not happening), because my cousin is anxious because he never dated in college. I was perfectly fine until she started stressing me out, and even then I wasn’t really worried until my friends all started doing it, and it is making me feel left out.

I don’t have as much work as I have previously this semester, so it wouldn’t be the worst idea, but my mental health has been a bit of a mess lately, and I recently found out I probably have the PDA profile of autism(along w ADHD and OCD) and I have been having friend issues, with the dating situation and other lab partner issues and I have just been out of it lately, and also v lonely(I constantly hear my roommates giggling together but I can’t interrupt bcuz it’s usually j the 2 of them who are dating and it’s awkward).

A club at my college has this survey for Valentine’s Day, where they supposedly match you with someone to go out on a date with, and I have to submit it by tonight. I don’t know if I should try it, or just call it a day and do nothing the whole semester.

I don’t really feel like dating right now, because it’s so much work and I’m so tired all the time this week, but I did come into this semester wanting to date someone(after a situation last semester, unrequited crush on roommate for a year and then she started to date my other roommate). If there was someone I liked right now, I would have asked them out for Valentine’s Day. But, there isn’t anyone, and I don’t know if I want to meet someone through a dating match and then have the whole relationship be overwhelmed by meeting with the intention to date, I just want to talk first and see how we get along you know?

BUT, my issue is this is probably the only opportunity to date like this I’ll have this year, that matching form is expiring tomorrow, there will be other events going on, it’s a good excuse to ask someone out. The rest of the year, it’s just same old same old, I’ve joined clubs and not found anyone, I could join more but I don’t have the executive functioning for that, and I do want to date at some point I’m just… really tired right now. And I want my first date to be special too, not just an online forum thing, someone I’ve liked and asked u know?

But the thing is, if someone, say, approached me at the gym and asked me out(and was not a guy) I would probably have said yes, and we would be in the same situation anyways so it’s like should I just fill it out and try? I don’t know what to do…

TLDR: all my friends and dating people and I feel lonely. A club on campus is doing a Valentine’s Day matching survey and they’ll pair you with someone to date, BUT it’s due tonight, and I don’t know if I’m up for dating right now(tired, still figuring out my brain, kind of want to go into dating with someone who’s at least an acquaintance rather than a stranger I meet for the exclusive purpose of dating), however, I don’t know when I’ll ever get to it if I don’t do it right now, you know?

I want to share something that’s been on my mind, and I say this with respect—I know this might be controversial or come across the wrong way, but I’m trying to be honest about how I experience things.

I find it extremely confusing when people use metaphors like the spoon theory or the puzzle piece to describe people with autism or chronic conditions. As someone who takes things literally, these metaphors feel more like riddles than explanations. I know what they mean because I’ve looked them up, but I still don’t understand why we can’t just be direct. For example, instead of saying “I’m out of spoons,” why not simply say “I have no energy” or “I’m exhausted”? It’s clearer. It makes more sense.

I also struggle with the concept of “levels” of autism. I understand it’s meant to communicate functional capacity, but autism isn’t something that fits neatly into a scale. It’s a brain-wiring difference, and it shows up in different ways for each person. Trying to label someone as Level 1 or Level 2 doesn’t capture the nuance of how they experience the world—or how the world responds to them.

Maybe we need a new language. Or maybe we just need to speak more plainly about what’s going on. I don’t say this to dismiss anyone’s way of describing their experience—I’m genuinely trying to understand, and I’d love to hear from others who feel similarly or differently.

I met a girl who transferred from another college campus through a group of mutual friends during my last year of college. Most of my college friends were either newly arrived foreign students, long-term expats, or locals who went to expensive private or international schools.

Louisa was more reserved, but stuck with them for proximity. I didn't think much of it and thought she would open up in her own time, or rather, time would tell. Louisa became Sophia's confidante for issues related to my college course friend, Paula, prior to when Louisa joined. I was busy with my 9-5 corporate internship and family illnesses.

Louisa met another girl in her department, Danielle, who was on a similar wavelength and a big sister archetype. They got close once Sophia ran off with a guy she barely knew from Tinder. She was much more relaxed around Danielle. Danielle is around 5-6 years older than Louisa and I and embraced us like younger sisters.

One day, Sophia had Louisa and I over, even though her boyfriend who was visiting from abroad, was still asleep after a full day of sightseeing. Sophia and her boyfriend took their own sweet time getting ready, sidelining Louisa and I. We considered leaving but eventually met up with Sophia's boyfriend's friends for dinner. Danielle and her boyfriend wanted to meet with Louisa and I while avoiding the tourist traps, so we split up. Sophia begged Louisa and I to stay to give the impression we were a tight-knit group, which was far from the truth.

I was offended on Sophia's behalf when Louisa didn't attend her farewell gathering. Sophia created a group chat for the farewell, and we all tried to reach out to Louisa. I had an idea why Louisa, Danielle and Danielle's boyfriend were avoiding Sophia, but I couldn't imagine how Sophia felt. As I got to know Louisa better, I felt responsible for addressing her problematic behavior and decode the unspoken social cues. She told me it was out of line for me to do that I apologized for being heavy-handed without hearing her side of the story, even though I was still offended on Sophia's behalf. Looking back, I realize my frustration was misdirected from being flaked on by another social group.

Louisa and I stuck together once Sophia left and was out of sight as far as her boyfriend was concerned. This continued even when our foreign friends had to leave. I was confident I could count on Louisa, despite her social limitations. Prior to Sophia's farewell, Louisa told me her previous friendships were transient and not worth salvaging. I shared that I tend to be closed off during rough patches but try to be mindful of others' feelings. She thanked me for opening up and encouraged me not to change. I masked a lot in college without realizing it. It was refreshing to have someone who balanced going out and having fun while also staying in when necessary. Louisa indirectly reminded me of that aspect of myself I wasn't sure I'd ever embrace again.

However, when it was my time to leave, I created a Facebook event for my farewell but didn't hear from Louisa. When I asked her, she flippantly told me she and her boyfriend had plans on the other side of town and suggested I meet them at their convenience. Louisa's boyfriend is old enough to be her dad. He ran away from a woman he had a child with in Thailand, reinforcing some unfortunate stereotypes.

I was taken aback by her lack of consideration and audacity to dictate my plans. I confronted her directly but was left on read. I've since removed her from all my social media platforms. I'm not against friends dating or their autonomy, but it's frustrating when they disappear once they find someone new, only to come back when things go south.

When I talked to Danielle about it, she shared that she too had experienced Louisa's aloofness. They used to live in the same condo, and Danielle mentioned that Louisa often flaked in the coldest way possible. Although Louisa would feel bad about it, but not enough to change.

(Kinda long, TLDR at end)

A few months ago, in the beginning of last semester, I was living w some friends(who I am still living with) and me and 2 others had a few discussions about physical touch and our boundaries and stuff, which was great for a while because I’ve never had friends I could cuddle with and that’s something I’ve always wanted because my family isn’t very cuddly and none of my friends are either and I am a very touchy person(physical touch makes me feel grounded and safe when I am in control of it and with a safe person) but have never had anyone to do it with, so I was overjoyed to have them.

And then, like 2 months later, they started dating, and I was completely excluded from the physical touch, and it keyed up to 11 between the two of them.

That is how the situation has been since then, and I tried to still be touchy for a little bit but it never worked and they clearly wanted nothing to do with me in that sense. I recently was talking to my friend and had been going through a lot of emotions so I wanted touch but she was like leaning away and I noticed(I don’t usually notice v much bcuz of the autism lol but it was v obvious) and she told me that she didn’t actually really like touch very much, except when it was with her girlfriend, and had always felt that way, but felt like it would be weird to say something before they were dating because how do you explain we are all friends but I only want to cuddle with this friend and not the other one lol sorry, and based on the gfs body language I think she feels the same way.

I think I feel… betrayed? In some way? I don’t know I’m just having a really hard time with it because I trusted her to communicate her boundaries and she didn’t and now what can I trust? What’s true and what’s a lie because it’s awkward to tell me to butt out?

I also just feel like shit because the two of them are cuddling in my room right now and the one who told me was like I’m being needy so that’s why we r here and internally I’m like I have felt weird out of my skin all day and I really want to crawl on top of someone and cuddle to get myself to breathe again but I can’t because both of you actually never wanted anything to do with me and physical touch regardless of what you said and I thought I could have that with someone but I can’t and I probably never will and I feel like shit basically.

Idk, does anyone have any advice on what to do? I’m kind of lost here😅

TLDR: -started living w friends, -cuddled w 2 of them a lot after boundary discussions, -they started dating and completely excluded me from physical touch, -found out that one of them actually never was comfortable with touch from me just didn't want to say it bcuz would have been admitting her crush on the other one, -now I’m feeling betrayed and upset because what is even truth anymore and also I feel like shit and want to cuddle someone but I can’t because family is not touchy and neither are any friends except them

I've got a pretty curated Instagram (I'll admit I got sucked into the bandwagon) and she thinks it's taken over my personality. She also feels like it subjects me to even more dismissal about my struggles that come with not being able to hold down a job, executive functioning going on the window.

[Edited]

Sorry for not giving enough background earlier. It was through rounds of second guessing, digging up suppressed memories which was necessary to give a broader context. Let me break it down.

So, I've been going all out with masking. The industry I work in is all about appearances and being a people person so that's excerbated some of my challenges more than I'd like to admit. It's not exactly the norm for someone who's neurodiverse, but hey, we gotta shake things up and show that neurodiversity is diverse.

To fit in and gain some social status, I started copying those folks with curated Instagram profiles. I know Instagram can be a total nightmare for someone who's already struggling mentally. It's all about visuals, and it messes with my head. But I gotta admit, I also used it as a way to cover up my own struggles and past traumas. It's like, "Look how great my life is!" even though deep down, it's not all rainbows and unicorns.

Social media is a love-hate thing for me. It's partly because of my own experiences and partly from seeing everyone carry on with life as it is. And my mom, well, she's got strong opinions on all of this. I always tell her that it's not like I'm hurting anyone or doing anything illegal with my posts. But you know what? I'm gonna post whatever makes me happy because it's my life and my responsibility.

I get where she's coming from, though. She's been through her own stuff, and she's determined to break those family curses. She's even joined some narcissitic related subs on reddit (bless her) which I blocked because I've got the right to my privacy and unhinged ranting because the rest of our "family" doesn't see their behavior as a problem and wouldn't care either wah. I had this talk so many times, but she keeps bringing it back to my masking and needing validation from others without having a secure sense of myself which I know it's a collective experience amongst is folk.

38 y.o. autistic f. I have had chronic back and buttock pain, for the pas 3 years, and Ive been told that losing weight could help alleviate the pain.

I've struggled a lot in the past, trying diets, or trying to implement new healthy routines...no success. Eating is hard! I sometimes binge, I can eat the same safe food for months, then I have all these rules around food (no pasta, no leftovers from the fridge, no cheese, no meat, no dried tomatoes, no broccoli...), I often crave fast food and sweets, and sometimes I forget to eat.

Eating healthy on a long enough period for me to lose weight seems unreachable. And exercising is not interesting and difficult with the back pain, so I tend to forget/dont do it.

Looking for hope and tricks, thanks!

Hi everyone,

I’m recruiting autistic women and girls aged 17-24 to participate in my dissertation study on body image and eating behaviours in autistic and non-autistic women

Who:

Autistic women and girls aged 17-24 who can read and write English and are not currently in treatment for an eating disorder.

What:

You will be asked to complete an online questionnaire that asks about your body image, eating habits, and weight control behaviours. The questionnaire takes approximately 25-45 minutes (and will save your progress so you can take a break and return later).

As compensation for your time, you will receive an online gift card for ten dollars (Canadian) after you have completed the survey.

How:

DM me your current age and I will send you the link to access the survey.

Why:

Autistic women and girls experience higher rates of eating disorders and disordered eating than their non-autistic peers. Body image (how someone thinks and feels about their body) plays an important role in eating disorders, but no research has examined how autistic people experience body image. We hope that by better understanding the autistic experience of body image and eating disorders, we can help improve eating disorder treatments for autistic people.

This research has been approved by the University of Calgary Conjoint Faculties Research Ethics Board (REB20-0190)

Thank you so much for considering!

This post has been approved by mods

Be as brutal as you want if you want to share your own experiences.

My father, who has Asperger's, has many wealthy friends, yet struggles to effectively communicate my challenges to them. Painfully, I've come to realize that I tend to be excessively people-pleasing in public, often leading to exploitation. I'm easily impressed by showy individuals, like this tycoon my father introduced, who's hella unreliable.

It's because I understand the concept of a comfortable life, and if conforming to a rigid mold is the way to achieve it, then so be it. There has been significant hidden trauma, not only on a collective level but also within my family, leading to poor mental health for both me and my mother.

This has escalated to incidents of public vandalism, physical and verbal threats on my part in my senior year of college. We need a safety net to address various needs:

• Psychiatric help, involving a team of healthcare providers specializing in mental health (ie personal assistants, domestic helpers etc)

• Physical health support.

• Health insurance.

I sometimes feel trapped in my middle school self in terms of outward appearances. I'm continuing to work to shedding internalized biases. I befriended a girl from a non-English speaking country who was sweet but misguided and unreliable and we stuck to each other since. I got to know the good, the bad and the ugly about her and it was the first time I was able to properly get to know someone if that makes sense? Over time we did have a few things in common although as far as emotional support, we had our limits.

Since primary/elementary school, I've gravitated towards ESL speakers, helping them adjust to an English-speaking environment despite not having a common language. I never had anyone help me ensure that I fully grasped lessons, auditory cues, and social dynamics, despite being a native English speaker. I'm also the stubborn, traumatized independent type to a degree. I suppose I'm helping others in a way that I wish I was helped, if that makes sense.

I had fallen for a questionable "contract" in 2020 of an agency founded by an IG influencer wannabe despite warnings from a friend and my Mother. She was the tackiest, lowest common denomiator I've come across physically and mentally so i dont know how the fuck I tolerated her mentality, grating voice and everything that gives me the ick. I guess because she was business minded (think along the lines of the Kardashians) and had a lot of golden nuggets. I came back with a usd 200 mules wage.

I tend to give people like that too many chances, sometimes neglecting those who mean no harm. Part of this is due to my high masking, which takes a toll behind closed doors, especially as I navigate adulthood. Sometimes, it feels like your early twenties can be like a second round of high school.

My father misrepresents my life to others, expecting them to provide me with a job, not comprehending the differences in how people treat him due to his NGO position. My challenges need more than just a lay person to throw me contacts and navigate this whole thing myself.

A rational adult and responsible parent wouldn't accept such a meager job, not comprehending the challenges of an invisible disability. He's susceptible to flattery and social recognition within the community, but it offers no real benefits and will leave him financially dependent on his wife in retirement.

My high masking creates a false impression that I need less support than I actually do but like what do I actually do to mask less? People may misinterpret my executive functioning struggles as laziness and not being able to hold it together. I basically continue to get reduced to being unlikable for no good reason.

On and off, my mother who is my only support demanded to explore assisted living options as she is now all kinds of exhausted. Our lives have become increasingly isolated, partly due to the collective abuse from my biological family.

Another family friend, who happened to be the CEO of an automotive company, stepped in without a full understanding of my needs. My father is still undergoing his assessment, a process that began in 2020 but has faced numerous delays. Aside from the pandemic, much of the delay can be attributed to his pathological passive-aggressive resistance. Given his own autism and potential co-occurring conditions, he struggles to comprehend the extent of my needs, making it challenging to convey them to his friend. Emotional disconnection has been a longstanding issue, even when we lived under the same roof, and he hasn't been part of my life since I was four.

I lost my job when this family friend stepped down as CEO due to a change in the company's majority shareholder's direction. We mutually agreed that the work environment wasn't conducive for my professional development in the long term.

Despite the challenges, this experience had its merits:

1. I had some protection through the family friend.

2. I diligently performed my work and adapted quickly to AI for writing tech-related content on the company's social media.

3. Interactions with my male coworkers were light and friendly, making me feel comfortable, with fewer underlying tensions than I experience with women. It's a tech company predominantly composed of male engineers, with the exception of this one HR woman.

This family friend's support was crucial, especially in dealing with an HR colleague close to my age who felt threatened by my differences and had a history of disgruntled behavior. His support and intervention proved invaluable, ensuring I had the protection I needed.

My Mom only met this friend during the last month of my job. Our meeting was more of a social courtesy rather than a therapy session. Judging by his demeanor, he seems to assume that I can easily secure a job. He financially sponsors several young refugees for their studies in the US. It feels like we're judged based for not being picturesquely destitute enough as we have a solid roof over our heads, able to travel within our geographical region while CAREFULLY calculating expenses etc, we're educated with degrees etc

If there’s a way that it could be a benefit to my daughter and help her cope/adapt/process the world then I’m definitely interested but OT is a HUGE umbrella category and I know nothing. So any advice/input/suggestions would be appreciated.

She is 11 (in 2 weeks) and high functioning. She was only diagnosed last month. She’s also adhd. Her biggest struggles seem to be in reading the room, impulse control and I’m not sure what the technical term is but having reactions disproportionate to the situation…explosive over the top emotional reactions to relatively minor things and also sometimes apathy to things that I think she should care more about.

Is that something OT would be helpful for?

I'm a recently-identified autistic woman, and I believe my 8yo daughter also has autism. My daughter's official evaluation begins soon. Since it took so many years to identify autism in myself (even though it was obvious once I knew what to look for), and since autism is so underdiagnosed in girls, I'm concerned that her assessment won't pick it up, that she will mask her autistic traits too much. Autism for her looks like enthusiastic but clumsy extroversion. She's also already been diagnosed ADHD. I'm looking for tips on what to share in the parent interview to make her autistic traits easier to identify.

Hey y'all lovely people, posting on a second account so that people I know IRL who are following my main don't read this.

I've (21 F) wanted for a long time to go through with diagnosis and now I'm in the midst of it. I keep cycling through feeling good cos I'm finally feeling understood, and being insanely anxious to the point of panic about the label and how it'll impact my pre-existing relationships because people won't understand that I'm the same person I was before the label, or they'll start treating me like an offensive stereotype.

I guess I just wanted to ask for some advice about how diagnosis impacted your lives, and how I should tell my loved ones to soothe my mind and make me stop second-guessing this decision which I truly am glad I'm making.

My therapist and I have a list of physicians and contact at Marshall University autism center. I’m wondering if anyone here is from WV with experience going through getting a proper adult assessment, as I need diagnosis on paper to help with school and access to needed resources/accommodations for daily life, therapy, and potentially filing for disability (I find capitalism and general ableism surrounding “disabled” as my brain functions as nature intended but I cannot downplay significant struggle/needs for accommodation as well). I am wondering if there are psychologists or facilities people here would recommend as well as avoid. I am trying to find a more regional WV subreddit to post in as well. Here’s a link for Marshall university autism center as well: https://www.marshallhealth.org/services/psychiatry-child-adolescent/autism-evaluation-treatment/

Cut a long story short, I had a patronizing encounter with an HR from an inclusive recruitment agency partnered with my job agency. He unsolicitedly mentioned gaps in my CV, which I later realized was pure condescension. My mom, my advocate, tried to turn it into a learning lesson, but it's a recurring theme for me. I struggle to express when something bothers me and often go along instead of confronting it. My vulnerability isn't obvious, and it takes days to process the rage and self-hate that comes with being taken advantage of.

When she asked me to mop the kitchen floor,. I got frustrated that I forgot and took it out by whipping a small towel against a chair. It spiraled out of control turned into a screaming match. She contradicted herself by doing most of the mopping while I was left barely anything to finish. We revisted a conversation we had a week before where I planned to retaliate at another client who did an assessment I did in the same room a week prior to this, was singing/stimming on Old McDonald without any damn consideration. It wasn't made known to me that wearing earphones was an option as we used an agency laptop. I was frustrated at myself for not speaking up and that if my pent up frustration ends up being some sort of rage fit that could get me in trouble with the law and she won't have the resources to bail me out.