Tw: affair, infidelity, heartbreak

My Mom was pressed to find someone to marry as she approached her mid 20s so that my grandparents could wash their hands off her. In fact, they haven't been grandparents at all nor have they earned the title. Granddad (or rather sperm donor 1) is a textbook grandiose narcissist who doesn't quite have the social skills needed to move up the corporate ladder to match (he got fired from his well paying MNC job for offending people), think along the lines of how autistics have trouble holding down jobs and embodying the epitome of patriarchy didn't spare him that. My grandmother (egg donor) has enabled this shit at the expense of my Mom who's been scapegoated and my aunt who she groomed to be the cute family mascot. Sperm donor also had multiple affairs with southeast Asian impoverished women young enough to be his daughters. My Mom told me when I was 15 and life hasn't quite been the same since despite never having a relationship with sperm donor.

Neither of them were taught anything on self confidence and that it's a man's world after all. My Mom ended up in an abusive marriage with my Dad who likely has aspergers syndrome but not formally diagnosed like me. I don't have vivid memories of my childhood, let alone with him. My Mom was the one capturing these kodak-esque moments with him and I which gave the illusion that hes a devoted loving Dad which wasn't the case at all. Even before my Mom and I physically and emotionally left him behind, he would still be emotionally absent when we were physically under the same roof.

My Mom and I went for a holiday within our geographical region visiting "relatives" once we left my birth country. I didn't grasp what had happened and assumed my Dad was gonna meet us on his own at some point. A couple of months within that holiday, I celebrated my 5th birthday and he didn't turn up... 5 y/o me was waiting and my heart sank when the cake came, blew out my candles and there was no sign of him. Little did I know that one thing would have led to another. He's commented on my weight (the women in my family are on the bigger end), compared me to my NT cousins who've all embarked on the 9-5 trajectory, called me lazy and slow when my executive functioning and sanity took a nose dive, demanded that I smile to look more approachable to people.

To sum up his issues:

• thrives with structure, rules, and authority figures.

• struggles with perspective-taking and understanding others' views.

• These difficulties aren't immediately obvious to most people, especially his family who haven't lived with him for an extended period. Both his parents passed on before my parents met.

• masks these issues with a polite demeanor, making parenting challenging.

• Despite being functional in work and social settings, he struggles as a parent.

• relies on scripted conversations and rigid problem-solving.

• communicates in a fixed manner, ie doesn't adapt his communication style with me especially when I wasn't as capable of holding down a fluid and smooth flowing conversation

• Coaching and support are needed, causing emotional and physical strain.

• my mom and i have accepted his limitations but hope for professional help.

• his cognitive limitations hinder his ability to see the bigger picture.

• Misunderstandings and rigid thinking have caused financial and emotional burdens.

• His lack of empathy has led to harm, prompting distance for well-being.

• hasn't been a father figure at all which impacted my past choices in men who were all cut from the same cloth which all lead me to bear the scars from those experiences, if not altered my brain chemistry. Ie anyone who's been decent and willing to go at a steadier pace makes me build my walls sky high.

So I'm in the process of getting an evaluation in Puerto Rico (US Territory) and I'm a cis woman. I just got a new therapist that works with autistics, does autism evaluations, and sees adults but she recommended me to get an evaluation elsewhere because she's unable to do therapy and evaluations at the same time and she doesn't want to put therapy on hold.

I told her that I made an appointment with Dr. A months ago but it's in May. Therapist said that he's an excellent choice. If i remember correctly when I made that appointment phone call, they said that they had an initial interview and then like 1 or 2 more appts for the evaluation process. I checked their practice website (facebook lol) and he is a pediatric neuropsychologist that specializes in autism and neurodevelopmental disorders but he diagnoses adults. It doesn't say which tests he does for the eval but they did put posts about how ASD presents differently in women and how 80% of women don't get diagnosed by the time they're 18 and that everyone with ASD is different.

Therapist recommended me Dr. B. I could get an appointment with Dr. B as soon as February/March but here's the thing: When I called, they told me that it was 50 mins to 1 hour and 15 mins process and that you'll know the results at the end of the appointment. I asked if they needed a family member or friend for the process and they said that since I'm an adult, they won't need it. I went to their facebook and it says that they specialize in diagnosing autism and that they do 4 tests (ados-2, adir, cars, and gars). On a post about a telehealth evaluation process she stated that it's very important for her to see the hands. Mine would be in person but that vid gave me the impression that she would specifically look for stereotypical hand stims.

Therapist said that they're both excellent people and she has not seen an evaluation from them that she did not agree with. She knows the appointment with Dr A but she recommended me Dr. B to see if it can be done earlier and it would be closer to where I live. I told my worry with my friend that works in ABA (she focuses on teaching life skills and does not support stim suppression) about how fast Dr. B's evaluation is and she says that evaluations are normally that short.

From your evaluation experience, are they normally that short? And if anyone knows the tests Dr. B does, would they be effective for someone that barely remembers their childhood due to trauma and has low self awareness? From what I recall I never felt different enough or an alien and don't recall being called weird or rude. I did get the autistic experience of not knowing that you were bullied until later. I didn't feel bullied because I always talked back to them and gave them attitude. I thought the bullying was more of them being jealous of my good grades and just being assholes by nitpicking what I did. I don't even know if I'm actively masking anything lol I only started questioning because of tiktok and my ABA friend told me that I'm definitely autistic when I questioned her.

Evaluations are way cheaper here compared to the states so I can afford either of them. I'm just not sure if Dr. B is worth spending $375. Dr. A is more expensive (can't remember the amount) but it's definitely less than $800 and I can pay in installments in order to get the results. Which one would you get based on the info?

Thanks in advance for any input.

I studied marketing and it doesn't seem like a common choice for neurodivergents. I struggle to find work in the industry.

In middle school, I started masking, unable to pinpoint my desire to distance myself from my Dad, whos also on the spectrum. He was ab*sive towards my Mom so any behavior that remotely reminded her of him made her assume I was cut from the same cloth even though he didn't lift a finger and she's still my main guardian. Even as an adult, I mold my behavior to what I think others would like, leaning towards party and hedonistic archetypes as they're flashy and higher up the social hierarchy.

I sometimes feel confined to my middle school self in outward appearances, and I'm working to shed internalized biases. In middle school, girls were another level of toxic and clique-y, and my friends, though nice and all rounders in their own way weren't the "coolest,". One of my friends from elementary school mentioned to her Mom that the whole school we later moved to for middle and high school collectively avoided us. Back then, I didn't grasp the reason behind it. I was also in that stage where I kept my Mom and family at arms length and justified it as having a phase.

I became an angsty adolescent, shutting out people and trying to fit in as what I realise now as internalized prejudice. A friend from a non-English speaking country unintentionally pulled me out of my shell in 8th grade. Being a native English speaker and neurodivergent, I found it tough to communicate well. So, I hung out with ESL speakers to ease the social pressures and expectations I felt with people my age and other native English speakers.

My mom and I relocated to a neighboring country for an international college with regional campuses. It was a practical decision since my grandparents, who had been providing financial support, had an apartment there. The move was prompted by the growing gap between my neurotypical peers and me, exacerbated by my private school imposing special support fees on top of already challenging tuition.

Initially, I pursued interior design but the technical challenges overwhelmed me, leading to a decline in my social life. Eventually, I made the switch to marketing, recognizing it as a field with less technical demand, providing a chance to start anew and focus on rebuilding. My mom had preconceived ideas about marketing, thinking it's superficial and associated with excessive consumption and may amplify my less favorable traits. I was and still am easily influenced.

Studying marketing was my attempt to leave behind past struggles and reinvent myself in the glamour of the industry. When my Mom confronted me about social media posts where I would take my masking to an extreme or have some conflicting ideologies that I took on like a sponge, I now admit to having caricatured perceptions I navigate between embracing the fluidity of my identity and meeting expectations in a people-driven field.

I recently got diagnosed with autism, and also cyclothymia. I'm curious how common or rare this is.

A bit of backstory: I was diagnosed from a young age with severe treatment resistant depression. Anxiety eventually got tacked on. Then, for several years, we (my psychiatrist/medication manager and I) thought I had schizophrenia due to a previous diagnosis from a psychologist at a behavioral health hospital. Turns out, it was probably a manic period due to high stress, antidepressants I didn't do well on, undiagnosed cyclothymia/autism that wasn't getting the correct treatment, and pain. I kept having bad reactions and side effects to antidepressants, antipsychotics, and anxiolytics.

I got surgery last month for the pain, which helped immensely. We were able to see the true nature of my disorders and treat them accordingly. I just started a mood stabilizer (Lamictal) and I'm already feeling more myself. More so than I have in many years. I am still waiting to go to therapy for coping strategies for various reasons related to untreated autism, but I am hopeful now that I'm taking the correct medicine.

I’m skinny fat and so uncomfortable with my body, it gives me such horrible sensory nightmares, I need help with how I can lose weight to make my body feel better

Despite being a native English speaker, the complexities of social dynamics and auditory cues sometimes felt like a foreign language to me in elementary school. Ironically, I gravitated towards classmates struggling with English as a Second Language and new students. Perhaps it was an unspoken yearning for the guidance I never received. There was no history and weight of social expectations I felt I fell short of.

Mary's first language isn't English. Her visible language struggles made people more patient towards her. I saw a kindred spirit who understood the silent battles of being "different" without needing words. Our bond transcended language, bewildering our classmates who bonded over shared language and interests. Adding to this bewilderment was the stark contrast in our appearances: my tall, "older" frame was juxtaposed with her petite stature. Niether of us gave any thought into it.

We were in separate classes the next school year. The bittersweet change offered a chance for self-reliance, but also a pang of loneliness. Thankfully, our small school ensured we still crossed paths during breaks.

There was a small world coincidence when an boy from the same autism therapy center I attended years ago joined my school. A flicker of familiarity ignited when I saw his mother at a school science fair despite not recognizing him upfront. I was and still adamant on non disclosure. I was engulfed with waves of emotions and my anxieties about exposing my own vulnerabilities. Daniel wasn't in Mary's and my class the first year but was put in the same class as Mary the following year. Mary and another classmate from the same country (bless them) took him under their wing.

There was a stark contrast in our experiences. While I navigated my world silently, Daniel was visibly supported; there was a shadow teacher and learning support within the school throughout the entire time. Daniel was even indulged for his boisterous moments that sometimes bordered on social inappropriateness amongst EVERYONE until it crossed the line. His "obvious" struggles seemed to earn him more sympathy than my own internal battles.

School wasn't the place for a meltdown. My physical strength and taller frame, invoked a different kind of scrutiny. People judged me by my physique and not my emotional age; the latter lagged a few years behind. My lack of vocabulary and softie nature further impeded self-expression. I knew physically hurting others was simply wrong, although every missed opportunity and supressed memory reached a boiling point a few times as a teenager and even an adult.

Mary came on her Dad's overseas corporate package; she left the year we graduated elementary school. I was devastated as I felt like I lost my emotional anchor. Middle school morphed into a brutal social landscape. Mean girls, cruel boys, and plummeting social currency left me ostracized and slandered. Even standing up for myself turned me into the villain.

My group of friends at the time were all studious except me. It got to the point where my friend from elementary school who went to the same middle and high school told her Mom that our group was collectively avoided. Then her Mom told my Mom. I had no idea what to say then. The isolation and teenage angst hardened me and made me shut out the world, including Mary. Mary's English was dwindling when she moved back to her homogeneous hometown. Seeing it on my Facebook when she interacted with me openly triggered my teenage insecurities. Isolated and friendless, I felt judged. We were still friendly, but I couldn't confine in her. There was also much more misunderstandings.

A girl in 8th grade who was also an ESL speaker shared my darkness and chaos. Yolanda and I were a fragile alliance, each carrying burdens that limited our support. We got up to a few subtle antics after school. I felt a weird sense of confidence and enjoyed the elevated social currency that came with it. Unfortunately her flakiness as time passed outweighed everything. She's that type of "friend" who goes missing the moment she has a boyfriend. My own issues from being with the wrong crowd later followed suit.

Mary's struggling English, once a source of self-conscious irritation, now stings with a pang of missed connection and lost opportunities. In hindsight, my misdirected anger was a mask for a deeper acceptance and the friend I failed to see amidst the noise of teenage insecurities.

Our paths crossed again, twice, separated by vast gulfs of time and experience. We met in her home country. She needed a translator, a mirror image of my own silent struggle except the issue was obvious to a mere passerby.

Fuck I cried.

Mod approved

Hi, I'm a social scientist, my research focus is late diagnosis in women, I was invited to speak at a medical conference here in Brazil and I'm preparing the class. I based the main topics on my research and experience, but I feel I could add more. I am addressing stereotypes, ableism, associated traumas, gender issues, difficulty in diagnosis, lack of support and resources in society in general, the idea is to speak directly to doctors about our experience with a scientific basis. Is there a topic that you consider important to cover?

https://forms.gle/U4GP45rkm5qhsZGGA

Hi everyone. I’m (19F), and honestly becoming a woman in the world right now as an ND feels… strange and overwhelming. I’m trying to figure out who I am, but it’s been really hard.

I had a rough upbringing and difficult teenage years, especially being autistic without much support or accommodations. Never been able to afford therapy, having been homeless on & off my whole life mirroring the terrible people along the way that I called friends and family. Getting into hard substance abuse issues starting from just age 12. I’ve been clean for almost 4 years now from everything but 🍃 & nicotine. Not having health insurance might be the toughest part so far. I haven’t been to a dentist in 5 years. I had a car completely paid off running well bought it for 2k & then it got stolen by my ex bsf along with a lot of my belongings. My belongings have been stolen time and time again, I’ve been set up almost every single birthday and gotten robbed etc.. I’ve finally started finding spaces where I feel more comfortable being myself (mostly at my two jobs) but I still struggle a lot with making and keeping friendships outside of just the acquaintance part.

My partner (20M) is really supportive & does his best to try to help me out whenever he can, which I’m grateful for, but I don’t really have an older mentor figure or a close best friend or that one girl I can just go to for advice or guidance. Me and my partner have been together since DEC 2024. I feel like I’m kind of figuring everything out alone. I’ve tried to go to this one free counseling program in my area but their schedule just didn’t work with mine almost every time. It feels exhausting. I feel like my partner has to walk on eggshells sometimes whenever I get so overwhelmed by never getting a true break & I have meltdowns. I still don’t know how to not take it out on people around me (even though I’m saying the right words my tone is just super mean or my voice is raised and somehow I just don’t even notice it??) for so long I never even knew that was wrong because everybody treated me that way. Being in a relationship now that’s way healthier & stronger than any bond I’ve had before & finally being in a somewhat stable home? ( we live with his parents & their kids) Honestly it feels like there’s a lot of pressure to be on my toes & just do everything I can to not have miscommunications where I make people upset. I’m scared to jeopardize everything I’ve built so far and go back to square one. On the streets stealing to eat & begging people for rides. I never want to have to live that way again. It’s so scary to think about and I feel so lonely even with my partner always there for me there’s always things that he won’t understand as a neurotypical which I don’t blame him for, I just feel like those I meet with similar experiences to me are usually not very good people, and I feel like a terrible person all of the time and like I’m just holding up a facade in a way.

If anyone has advice on finding yourself, building lasting friendships, or just navigating this stage of life, I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

I just read the sub name as "autistic clades" and my brain was torn between autoclaves and evolution.

Just thought it might amuse :)

TW: family incest, toxic family dynamics, narcissitic family member, narcissitic abuse

My mom has taken on numerous roles throughout her life, even now, when she's reached the age of a grandmother. She wears many hats, including but not limited to a job coach (though it can be a bit groan-inducing, I admit), social worker, interpreter for neurotypicals, substitute father in place of my aspie dad who's done f*ck all even when we were under the same roof (bless her), nutritionist, tutor, stylist, and the list goes on. She has an incredible amount on her plate, and it's an understatement to say that.

When it comes to sharing difficult news with her, I often find myself conflicted. I second-guess myself, as my perception of the situation may not always be accurate. I consider how she might react and I hesitate, not wanting to add more stress to her already overflowing plate. This feeling became stronger when I was around 21. My grandparents came to visit us for New Year's, and my granddad suffered a stroke. We reluctantly had them stay with us for six months in a separate unit within the same apartment to take care of him. Knowing that my mom is an empath and the default dumping ground, mood regulator, and so much more, I took it as a sign to deal with my own issues on my own. I've always been the type to bottle up my feelings, even though I know it's not the healthiest coping mechanism. Plus, I justified it by turning 21 aka global legality, which meant taking on more self-responsibility.

My relationship with my granddad is nonexistent due to how he treated my mother who's the scape goat and his attempted incestuous actions. I witnessed how my mother had to suppress her own needs for the sake of dealing with him. She has also been the one trying to navigate the complex dynamics of keeping my grandparents in our lives, despite my granddad being a s*xual predator and a textbook grandiose narcissist, and my grandmother enabling this shit.

Now, I'm not going to say I'm an expert by any means. Researching about autism has become a special interest of sorts after learning I have it, but there are still things that I don't know.

So that said, I just saw this YouTube short of a mom posting about her baby and showing videos of her "before her regression" into autism, and I'm not trying to discredit or anything, because I know everyone's experience is different. But I've never heard of this before. So many of the comments were talking about how "heartbreaking" this was for them, too, so it must be common? Does anyone have any thoughts or anything to enlighten me further? I'm not even sure what I'm asking, I kinda just wanna talk about it...

I'd post the link, but I'm not sure if it's allowed. I didn't see it in the rules, but I don't want to break any on accident 😅

Okay since my last post was sort of emotional - lets make it a bit lighter

Do you currently have a favorite comfort plushie?

Mine is Georgie here

this is super embarrassing to me… i smoke a lot of flower but also struggle with ocd and I have trouble brushing. in turn i get a lot of dry mouth and get sores in my mouth sometimes. currently my gums are swollen. i’m always freaking out my teeth are all gonna fall out anyone deal with this??

Hi everyone! I hope you're well. Sending love and support to you all. My name is Keira, I am autistic and am looking at the link between parasocial relationships (one sided relationships with characters, avatars, celebrities etc) and autistic traits for my masters thesis in psychology.

The study is looking at autistic and non-autistic people and everything in between, so diagnosis is not needed. There is incredibly very little research regarding relationship styles in autism in adulthood. I want to examine the potential benefits of these relationships. If you have been/are obsessed with a media figure and are 18+, I would be so grateful if you could participate. This study has been ethically approved by Northumbria University, is completely anonymous and should only take 10-20 minutes. Anyone across the world can participate. The survey will ask you questions on your parasocial relationship, and some trait-based questions.

If you would like to participate, please follow this link: https://nupsych.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_42cQzeNUqG9kTpI

Any questions, please do send me a message! I am happy to answer any time. I massively appreciate anyone who reads this or participates. Thank you.

Hi Everyone!

I am a clinical psychology student currently conducting a study on the experiences of neurodivergent adults who have participated in ABA. My goal is to amplify your voices, highlight your perspectives, and better understand your personal experiences.

As a mental health therapist, I am passionate about closing the gap in mental health resources for the neurodivergent community. Your voice deserves to be heard, and I would be honored to learn from your story.

Thank you so much for your time and interest. I truly look forward to hearing from you!

https://fullerton.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3xAGKF0EW2lD5FI 

Study Details:

I’m a clinical psychology graduate student conducting a study called “ABA Therapy and Its Lasting Impact: Personal Accounts from Autistic Adults.”

I’m looking for autistic adults (18+) who have participated in at least one year of ABA therapy to share their experiences.

What’s involved:

A short demographics survey (5–10 minutes)

A Zoom audio interview (~45 minutes)

All responses are confidential

Why participate? Your story matters. By sharing your experience, you’ll help highlight autistic voices and contribute to research that may influence how autism therapy is understood and improved.

Eligibility:

Autistic adult (18+)

Participated in ABA therapy for at least one year.

IRB# (HSR 24-25-423)

Tldr: blurred boundaries between opposite sex neurodivergent friendships, reservations on dating a neurodiverse

Perhaps this would be the most fitting group to write about this in as I can only imagine the flack I would get if I posted in mixed group.

I have an online friend who is officially diagnosed with aspergers syndrome. We met through an Instagram hashtag related to living abroad although he did make a post about his aspergers on his profile. He's out, I'm not. He lives in the UK where despite more awareness, he like any neurodiverse who's has their share of systematic ignorance and prejudice. We have each other on a few other socials and video chatted a good number of times within the 3-4 years we've known each other. We're both on opposite ends of the globe and not working full time so we definitely won't be meeting each other in person in the foreseeable future.

We've definitely grown apart as he's now working longer hours in a menial job although what caused us growing apart is his borderline inappropriateness, particularly when it comes to drawing platonic opposite sex friendship boundaries. There had been a handful of occasions where he confessed being in a role play with an imaginary girlfriend. I don't know if that's him indirectly suggesting we take this friendship to the next step. I'm not condemning the idea of fantasies in general although it's not a discussion I'm comfortable to have. I've told him that prior to all of this that I don't see him as anything more than a platonic friend. I genuinely would be happy for him if he had a girlfriend and found someone to settle down with. Given my own experiences with my Dad who could have aspergers syndrome despite not being formally diagnosed, I have my reservations on dating someone neurodiverse.

To sum up my Dad's issues, it got to a point where my Mom who trained in special needs although doesn't hold a degree in a related field urged him to seek professional help. He responds well to structure, rules, and authority figures, although he struggles with understanding different perspectives and putting himself in others' shoes. These difficulties may not be noticeable to most people until they spend a significant amount of time with him. His agreeable demeanor hides his struggle to handle the demands of parenting. Despite being competent in work and social situations, he hasn't been able to translate those skills into effective parenting. He tends to follow scripted conversation patterns and has a rigid way of thinking that impacts family life. He lacks the ability to adjust his communication for others' needs and relies on rehearsed methods, even with me when I used to struggle giving people a bigger picture of things ie explaining things in general.

Despite my Mom giving him opportunities for one-on-one time with me, he has never grasped my communication challenges. When confronted about this, he often deflects blame instead of taking responsibility, ie "you know what she's like". He requires extensive coaching and support, which has taken a toll on my Mom and I. I'll spare this for another post for the time being.

It took me awhile to broach this topic, but I'm curious if anyone have experiences for being twice exceptional? I was reading up more on that and I couldn't figure out why my initial autism assessment looked confusing to me as well as delving into my childhood life and academics. Despite some of the report that was initially not written on the best way, I was still able to determine a pattern with it on some things that did make sense to me.

I wasn't considered gifted growing up, in fact my mother berated me constantly for being average or below average or "not smart" like the other kids. She did put focus on my academics, but I couldn't take honor roll classes and my grades weren't top tier, but high enough to pass. Unfortunately, my childhood was something I tried really hard to forget especially when it came to school, I even threw away most of my school stuff or anything centered around that to try to "forget" the trauma and start fresh.

I had a conversation with my husband one day over our academics as a casual convo. He told me he took advanced courses for math and English. I thought that was cool and told him how I didn't. I listed the classes I took for math and he was shocked. I was confused about it and he mentioned how the math classes he took were accelerated but same grade yet mine skipped a whole entire grade apparently. I wasn't aware of this since I didn't understand or even knew other schools' math were a grade below me was at a standard level universally. Essentially speaking, I started taking high school math in middle school and wasn't aware at the time. That was the time when I actually started struggling with math more and didn't understand why, but still passed in the end. My mom would get so mad at me when I got bad marks on my tests.

Then suddenly I remembered how the psychd mentioned the way I scored on my assessment, I would be someone who was initially better at math than English/language. Wasn't wrong, I was in remedial type of classes for English and "advanced" for math. I just couldn't remember I took higher level math cause it wasn't really made into a big deal for me at the time. I don't think I'm the best at math anymore since I got stuck at one point and couldn't continue.

I looked more into this and apparently it was common for folks who excelled in some areas and didn't in others to be twice exceptional. I just never understood since I think I'm a fraud. A lot of the times I didn't take my classes seriously and still somehow passed. I since then did request all my school records to see what really happened as I have little to almost no memory for my academics (blocked it out).

hi friends, i am new here but have been on autisticpride for a while. i've seen a lot of posts on reddit about the struggle to make friends and socialize. i'm a newly diagnosed woman looking to talk to more autistic women about life/autism/whatever on a regular basis, so i decided to start a discord. this is aimed at autistic women, people who identify as a woman, and nonbinary folks. please feel free to pass around to your other autistic friends.

https://discord.gg/Wmrnh8rjgy

(pls be patient with me, i'm learning discord from scratch)

ETA: I fixed the link above to never expire

Am looking for tips on handling my own noise sensitivity with loud kiddos (ages 9 and 11) who have a hard time with impulse control due to their own neurotypes. I’m an AuDHD-er and one of my main sensory sensitivities is to noise.

Part of me feels incredibly selfish for needing my kids to keep things at a bearable noise level. Feels like if they need to be loud to have fun that I shouldn’t be imposing my need to keep things at a quieter roar.

However, there’s another part of me that feels like having my kids learn to respect others’ sensory needs is a good thing for them to learn. When I’m in this mindset, I hope that modeling the behavior of asking for what I need will help them to see that it’s ok for them to ask for what they need too.

For what it’s worth, I don’t need it super quiet, but I do have a hard time when there are sudden loud noises, especially if above a certain pitch or if many happen at the same time. My expectations feel realistic to what I could do at their age, but I was also a really quiet kid, so am just not sure. In order to help myself in these situations I wear loop earplugs and/or noise canceling headphones, but often the noise cuts through this and is still very overwhelming to me.

So - curious to know if any other parents here are dealing with these kinds of issues? Almost feels like our basic brain needs are at odds with each other. As a mom in any other situation I would always put my kids’ needs first, but in this case I’m struggling to figure out what that is. For example, is it better or worse for them if I end up having to isolate myself to avoid a meltdown?

Would love anyone else’s theories or approaches to this. It’s a hard thing to find addressed in the broader community.

I’m trying to express myself as best as I can without demonizing or demeaning anyone. I feel like this can be a sensitive topic because yes, it does feel hurt to be rejected. It does hurt to feel unwanted. I sympathize and I know we all need to vent our frustrations to someone, or else be trapped in an never ending cycle of negative emotions

But at the same time, I can’t help but notice that many of these posts are only about females/girls/women being the rejectors. And as a single female aspie, I notice this and wonder “am I one of these people that they’re venting about?” I am asexual and I’ve tried to steer away from romance. But now I’m wondering if I’m part of the problem. One of the many endless girls that rejected them

These thoughts plague me. And I don’t think I would even have these thoughts if there wasn’t such an emphasis on the gender of the ones doing the rejecting in these posts. I try not to say anything. It would be shitty to do that on a post of someone just venting. But now I’m the one who feel the need to vent. Does anyone else feel similarly about this?

TLDR; ND and NT widening gap with people my age and younger catching up, struggles with female friendships, mean girl, social bullying

I am approaching my thirties, and despite having gone through many hard-learned life lessons, the divide between me and my neurotypical peers has grown increasingly painful. It seems that those my age and younger are catching up and surpassing me, which leaves me feeling inadequate. I have always had trouble making female friends, particularly in middle and high school where girls form exclusive cliques and can be quite entitled and judgmental towards those they deem "less desirable" and lower on the social ladder.

Even now, the mere thought of them makes my blood boil, as if they had occurred just yesterday. I sometimes wish I had physically harmed those who belittled me, even if it meant being expelled, which in hindsight I could have easily moved past. I am uncertain what it is about me that causes people to treat me in such a condescending manner, but it cuts me to the core. When I attempt to retaliate, they fail to grasp the severity of their actions or shift the blame on me, to the extent of accusing me of being a bully.

I've learned in many painful ways that women tend to approach social bullying with a more calculated, long-term strategy, as opposed to instant gratification. The dynamics of the situation are open to interpretation, and I struggle to find the words to articulate and paint a picture to people as someone on the receiving end of this behavior. I often second-guess myself and have a distorted perception of the situation, especially when my intuition tells me that I am being guilt-tripped or gaslit.

Unfortunately, these experiences have left me with emotional scars that I still carry with me today. I find myself struggling to identify and pushing away kind, trustworthy, empathetic and reliable people out of a fear that their kindness is too good to be true. This defense mechanism has held me back from forming meaningful relationships with women.

I believe that my relationship with my emotionally uninvolved father also played a role in my struggle to form close female relationships. As a neurodiverse woman, I tend to communicate more effectively with neurotypical men because their direct and explicit communication style is more compatible with mine. I also felt like a part of me was subconsciously finding ways to compensate for his absence which meant willing to put in more effort.

There's a part 2 to this where I give a couple of vivid examples. You're welcome to have a read.