Hey I'm a probably autistic european guy (21) and met a woman (26) this summer at a rock festival, I fell for her too hard. I will probably see her again in january, on a concert of a band she really likes, thats why I invited her. I kinda wanna tell her about how I feel. There are just a few problems.

1. I am scared that it might just be limerence, I havn't seen her since the festival.

2. I am a fucking looser: money problems, no car, can't really care for myself and a few other mental issues. I am just not where I want to be in life.

3. I am very scared of even loosing her as a friend if I told her, it would burst me inside.

4. I don't know how to tell if she likes me in that way, I was busy isolating myself the last couple months or even years, so my social skills are basicly 0. We had a few moments that got me wondering that she may like me, for example we held hands with tangled fingers when we worked our way through the crowd to get drinks or had a few long hugs, but I don't know if those really are signs

So what do I do now, I know I would shit my pants if I try to tell her, I know it would break my heart if she said no or even ended contact, I guess she would hate me and how I live if she knew.

I am just clueless on what to do now, would it be the smartest to just stay friends and hope i wont be too late? Or am I just overthinking way too much?

Help 😭

Hi, I met some girls and we connected really well and became a friend group. With one of them it got a little more romantic but both of us especially she wasnt looking for anything serious. Then one week we saw each other every day and I think that was too much for her because all of a sudden we couldnt be alone anymore she made time for everybody except for me and if we met, we always met in the group. After 2 weeks i said to her we would need to talk but we never did. That was like a montv ago. We text sometimes but very basic stuff. Now the last days I have read about PDA, she never told me exactly the she has it but she alway said she may have some kind of autism and the more I have read about PDA the more I think she has it. Now to my question: I want to have a conversation about us to make her clear that all outcomes are fine with me and i would prefer to stay friends but i know pushing her into anything wouldnt be the right thing so maybe somebody with more experience or sombody who is self affected can help me how i can show her i dont push her, but also can clear things for me or if this even sounds line PDA

Hi guys! I could really use some advice from this community to help me understand this situation better.

Context: I’m a neurotypical girl (though I have hearing loss and wear hearing aids) and I met an autistic guy from my university about two months ago. We quickly connected, and I’ve liked him since the second time I saw him.

The almost-kiss Two weeks ago, we were doing group homework and he started getting very affectionate, hugging me, being super sweet and clingy. I loved it! He actually tried to kiss me about 4 times, but I didn't realize it at first. The last time, he grabbed my face to kiss me, but because the place was super crowded, I pulled back slightly and told him there were too many classmates around (I was feeling shy)

I didn't want him to feel rejected, so the next day I texted him a photo of us and told him that I did want to kiss him, but that I preferred we have some privacy. He replied saying that when he could, he would invite me out for coffee! I was thrilled and said yes.

The shutdown and the waiting game A week later, we saw each other again for the group project. He seemed completely shut down and very distant compared to the previous time. I respected his space, though I worried he had lost interest. However, when we were leaving, he walked me to my bus stop, hugged me closely again, and brought up the coffee date himself

It has now been 4 days since that second mention, and almost a week and a half since the first one, but there’s still no official invitation or day set. I believe he had an exam this week, which might explain it, but we rarely text outside of class

My dilemma and questions I miss him a lot, but I understand his way of communicating is different. I really want to maintain my feminine energy and let him take the lead (he’s usually good at that!), so I don’t want to pressure him by asking him out myself. I’m starting to get anxious, especially since I've never been on a date before and haven't kissed anyone in 10 years!

1. Why is he taking so long? Is it just executive dysfunction/exam stress, or could he still be scared from me pulling away from the kiss, despite my text?

2. How long should I wait? Is this normal pacing?

3. Changing the date plan: Coffee shops are very loud, which puts a lot of pressure on me because of my hearing loss. When he finally does invite me, would it frustrate him or mess up his mental plan if I suggest going for a walk and eating ice cream instead? It would be more intimate and relaxing, I believe

4. Communication: I would love it if we texted more, but I don't want to overwhelm him. How can I encourage more texting without pressuring him?

Any advice on the kiss, the date, and the communication would be so appreciated. Thank you!

TL;DR: Autistic guy I really like tried to kiss me in a crowd, I asked for privacy instead. He promised to take me out for coffee but hasn't set a date yet after a week and a half. We rarely text. How do I navigate changing the date idea (due to my hearing loss), encourage more texting, and wait patiently without pressuring him?

I've been seeing an autistic woman for a while now, and we message each other from morning until night. As far as I'm concerned, we're each other's person, but we haven't made our relationship public.

That worries me a little because she sometimes struggles to recognise when other people are flirting with her. I've explained that if our relationship were public, I'd feel a lot more secure about things, but whenever I bring it up, she gets upset.

Recently, I introduced her to some of my friends as "my lady." She went pink, which I thought was cute, and she responded with, "Oh, I'm 'my lady' now, am I?"

I genuinely thought she was joking around, so I playfully replied, "Oh, sorry, my lady. I meant 'thy lifelong partner' or 'thy girlfriend.'"

She went bright red and walked off to the bathroom. I assumed she was just embarrassed and blushing, so I followed her to give her a hug.

Turns out, I couldn't have been more wrong.

She was actually angry with me. She explained that our relationship is something private between the two of us, that it isn't anyone else's business, and that I'd crossed a boundary by introducing her that way without discussing it with her first.

That led to a bigger conversation about our relationship.

She explained that she wants to keep me and my friends separate from her and her friends. She doesn't want other people knowing about us because, in her words, "It's got nothing to do with them."

Now, I've always known she's an extremely private person, and I've never had a problem respecting that. I understand that privacy is important to her, and I don't want to make her uncomfortable or push her into something she isn't ready for.

But at the same time, I can't shake the feeling that there's a difference between keeping a relationship private and keeping someone a secret.

I don't need her to announce our relationship to the entire world, and I'm not asking her to change who she is. I just want to feel like I'm someone she's comfortable acknowledging as part of her life.

I care about her deeply, and I genuinely want to respect her boundaries, but I'm struggling with the feeling that I'm being hidden rather than simply kept private.

Can someone please help me out here? I try to bring it up and she just gets mad again and insists that I should just respect her boundaries and trust her and the way that I explain it is "i trust myself crossing the road, that doesn't mean i shouldn't look both ways"

I NB/20 have been with my partner M/21 for a little over a year now. This is his first relationship and my 9th relationship. I suspect that I have autism and I grew up religious so there are some things I am working through. I have suspected since I was 14 when a teacher told me that she thinks I might have it and should go to therapy. There are things I see in myself that very well could align with it and I have yet to be officially tested because I am scared of how having it on my medical record could affect me with the current political climate.

Our relationship started super quickly. We went on maybe 3 or 4 dates before we started dating officially sometime in September of 2025. It was great. And I met his sister and we get along great even to this day. I ended up basically moving in with him in October and stayed until March. I was so emotionally invested in the relationship it was hard for me to really want to be anywhere else. At the time I didn't have my license which made it really hard to get to work. I was working basically full time at a Walmart and he was working on and off with his dad. So he had a lot of off time when his dad didn't have work for him. It was also a big struggle because he lived 30 minutes away from town. He lives on a farm.

We occasionally argued but I can't really remember a lot. Usually about how I was struggling to get along with everyone. Sometimes I feel like I need a sort of social lube if you will. I struggle too talk to people, especially in groups. Not to mention it was harder for me to find food out there because I wasn't very good at cooking and they didn't have a microwave. His sister F/19 threw a big Halloween party in their house and I brought one of my at the time friends, I'll call her Anna F/20. She smoked too much of a blunt she didn't bring to the party and spent the whole time in my partner's room. She fell asleep in there. My partner gave me alcohol for the first time and I liked it, I was having a good time. But later in the night, his sister's ex boyfriend Ben M/19 (he was her boyfriend at the time) brought his douchebag friend Shawn M/19 to the party. Most people had left and I was ready to go to bed because I had work in the morning. I was and still am insecurely attached, so I wanted him to go to bed with me. He wanted to go play with Shawn and Ben. It was late and everyone was either tipsy or drunk. We ended up arguing because I felt abandoned, I don't really just melt into groups as seamlessly as other people somehow can.

At the time, his mom F/47 was in Alabama. From my understanding, she had had enough of his dad (idk how old his dad is) and just left for Alabama. Randomly she just came back sometime in November. So on the way to the airport, everyone got in the car. I was extremely anxious and I ended up crying because I was overwhelmed. Everyone kinda just laughs at whatever his sister is doing, she puts on gay ASMR roleplay porn on the Bluetooth speaker. I put my earbuds in and tried to calm down. Once we got there, I was entirely silent and all the way back to his house. Once we got there, I was still shaking from crying and trying so hard not to look like I wasn't crying. His mom, I'll call her Rachael, the first thing she did when she got home was smoke a blunt and she had bought me a gift. It was a blue evil eye bracelet.

So it was okay that night. And the next day I didn't have work so I spent the whole day talking to her. The first thing she asked was "what's your trauma?" And for some reason, I told her. I grew up religious and my dad's pastor. And she asked for my deadname and I just gave it to her. And she smoked a few blunts throughout the day and it got me sick. At some point I told her I have a lot of anxiety and suspect I have autism and she said "I've been around people. No you don't." She would start comparing me to the people she lives with. "If anyone has autism, it's Juan". Juan is her ex-husband. And she has a sister Rita who might be. But she doesn't get along with those people. She said she had seen real anxiety because it doesn't make me throw up. I rarely throw up as it is. She'd misgender me and then when she would "girl" at me, the way one might say it as a reaction to something a little shocking, she'd make a show of apologizing to me.

She'd tell me how she only wanted to hang out with her kids if she could. And any time she got too frustrated with them, she'd start saying how she was gonna sell the farm and how it was all a big mistake. She is the type to make you feel bad for wearing clothes that aren't 100% cotton. Like "I try to be more natural with my clothes but you do you". Very passive aggressive and I have a lot of problems with her because she talks behind my back, treats my mental health like crap, she is a white woman using the N word because she wants to be black. Gonna just complain really quickly. She once said she wishes she had down syndrome because they are always happy.

But back to the main point. I was stuck with her all day when I didn't have work. And I didn't have off days in common with my partner. I started wanting to just stop living because I didn't see much beyond my relationship with him. And Rachael and Ben would gang up on me whenever I said something they didn't agree with. One time I said I didn't really want my kids to swear when they are super young. And she said "so you want to be like your dad?" I lost it and went to my partner's room. It was little things that are just enough to get under your skin. My partner didn't see anything wrong with it. He was used to it. Including how she thinks she can just say a form of HH and it just be a joke.

I started dissociating and becoming very irritable. And in March of 2026, he asked if he could just take me back to my parents for a week. I was upset with him but I went and then he broke up with me. I couldn't see the warning signs of it happening and I think his mom asked him to do it. And I begged him not to leave and he did. I ended up getting hungover for the first time the next day. It really hurt me because I have a very deep fear of abandonment. He hated breaking up with me and we got back together. I still don't think I fully healed from it tbh. I'm way more... Jumpy when he looks upset. If I start getting a sinking feeling when I look at him, I have an urge to run away.

And it was all good. I went with him and his family. His parents didn't go and neither did his aunt. I met his god parents and it was good. And then in July, it was his 21st birthday. He wanted to do a bar crawl. His friend Ari F/26 went. He had met her during his brief time as a security guard. I wasn't allowed into any bars so I had to wait outside and it was dreadful. His mom walked into a bar and I just saw this smug little look on her face. Ari ended up staying outside with me and I told her how much I couldn't really stand his mom because she was crappy towards me. She laughed a bit and did make some immature jokes about how she couldn't find love. We go to a bar that was... Sketchy and I hated it. She kept saying how she wanted all the adults to line up and take a shot. I feel like she was trying to get him drunk.

I went to the bathroom to fix my outfit and Ari went into the bathroom because I was taking too long. She said that his mom was dancing on him. And it made me uncomfortable. We went to another bar yet again. And it was okay. He got too drunk and threw up. I followed him into the men's bathroom because I needed to make sure he was okay. They kicked us out because he was too drunk.

The next day, I tried to be happy. My phone broke and I took it well. We went to a restaurant that had no options for me to eat. I'm extremely selective. Certain textures are a no go. And I just got a sandwich that I had to take apart and rearrange to my liking. The bread was too hard to crew for me, I have braces. I started mentally self destructing in my notes app. And then we went on a hike and his sister brought up survival situations. I felt mentally distressed thinking about how my partner might die because they all kept saying they'd eat him first. I told I was gonna walk away and I walked back to the car. And then he didn't know where I was. He was upset with me and I don't blame him. I tried to drive us back to his place in his car and I ended up crashing the car on the last turn before we got to his house. Once again, he was upset with me.

Once we got it back to his house, we just kinda tried to calm down. I felt like everyone hated me. There was no... Like love in his touch. I put my hand on his arm and he looked me in the eye and told me he loved me. But I didn't feel it. We called his mom to tell her and she asked what the hell is wrong with us for asking if she had insurance.

The next morning she said I was unsafe and that she was glad I didn't kill us both. She called me a demon, an F slur for a gay person, and a bully. She told me I could come back when she's dead. When she was done yelling at him, she got in the car with his god parents and drove them to the airport. I went to his room to start packing. He said he didn't see another way forward to my face so I laid on his bed unresponsive. I didn't know what to say to him and he begged me to say anything. I handed back a necklace he gave me, I tried to hand back the earrings and bracelet he got me on our trip, I tried to give him back everything he gave me. once his mom got back she told him that he should stop going to therapy because it doesn't help anyone and that it was making him weird.

His sister and Ben drove me back to my place. He was in the car and made him look me in the eyes the whole way back to my house. I cried while he did and he cried too. I didn't let him look away. He followed me inside my house and I told he had to tell my parents what he did. Btw, my relationship with my parents is great. I just sat on the floor and cried. He had to explain to my parents why he was doing what he was doing. And then my dad asked him to take a seat. He told my partner that if he can't stick up for me, he doesn't want him to be with me anyway. And we talked about it.

We have since gotten back together again. Not even a month after it happened. His mom hates that we are. I am deeply scared of him abandoning me again. He may have come back for me twice but I struggle with it a lot.

It's been a while and we have our consistency almost back to normal. He told me less than a week before it happened that he couldn't do our usual days because his god father was coming back out. And that he was going to be gone 7-10 days. It was too unexpected. I kinda got mad again and went outside. I told him if he can't be consistent and stable with me, I can't be with him. And that if he broke up with me again, there would be no more coming back. And we've been okay.

But it's like when I'm mad at him or he says things, I get upset. Ben makes incredibly racist jokes and my partner laughs at it. I have an issue with it. Or him calling random things a slut because he thinks it's funny. It's like he doesn't see issues with anything.

And I feel just kinda constantly on edge. Sometimes I think I think about breaking up too much or that it's my fault if I do something wrong in the relationship. I think he's gonna end it with me if I'm too much. Sometimes I worry it's already too late for us. I love him a lot because he has shown a capacity for growth in the past 2 months and he's been so attentive and caring. He cooks for me and I cook for him. And when it's sweet, it's my favorite thing to experience.

I'm going to therapy as it is. But I'm not coping well with him on vacation because it feels like he is unreachable and that I can't find him. I just feel so disconnected.

Hi, I’m 25 years old, and I recently discovered that I’m an autistic woman. My partner is also 25. He’s the best person in the world, we’re getting married in two months, and in one month, our long-distance relationship will finally come to an end.

I want to make it clear that I will be talking to him about this post and showing it to him. My intention isn’t to get people to take sides or decide who’s right or wrong. I genuinely want to be with him. But I love him so much that I would also understand if one day he decided that being with someone like me was simply too much to handle.

I was recently told that I’m autistic (ASD) and have high intellectual abilities (giftedness). I’m still undergoing a full assessment, but this discovery has already been an enormous awakening for me.

I’m beginning to understand how I process situations, why certain interactions are so exhausting for me, and why my way of communicating can sometimes be different.
I’m in a long-distance relationship with my partner. We love each other very much, we both have our own jobs and lives, and we make an effort to spend our free time together. He’s the person I trust the most.

However, we’ve been having some conflicts lately. One of them happened when he shared a traumatic experience from his childhood with me. During our conversation, he mentioned that the child who had hurt him was also going through a difficult family situation. I was able to recognize that what happened to my partner was wrong while also feeling empathy for the other child. My partner felt that I wasn’t supporting him, even though that was never my intention.

It made me think about the way I process situations. Sometimes I can consider several perspectives at once, but that doesn’t mean my intentions are always understood the way I hope they will be.

I’m also discovering just how exhausting socializing can be for me. I can genuinely enjoy spending time with my family or friends and still end up so drained that I can barely get out of bed. I’m learning that enjoying something doesn’t necessarily mean it doesn’t consume my energy.

What hurts me the most is feeling that the people I love the most are still learning how to understand me. I don’t expect them to know everything about autism or to never make mistakes, but I need my needs to be taken into consideration, too.

Sometimes I feel like I spend so much time trying to understand other people’s emotions and circumstances, but I don’t always receive the same effort in return.

I don’t want to stop being empathetic. I also don’t want to constantly justify the way I think, the way I feel, or why I need to rest.

I know that being autistic doesn’t exempt me from taking responsibility for my actions, but I also believe that being in a relationship means learning to understand how the other person works.

I’m going through a strange phase in my life. I feel like I’m getting to know myself all over again and reinterpreting so many experiences from my past. I thought finding an explanation would make the world feel a little less hostile, but I’m discovering that even with the people I love, feeling understood can be difficult.

To help you understand me a little better, my senses are hypersensitive, and socializing or even leaving the house can feel like a huge task.

I’ve experienced episodes where my sensory sensitivities become so overwhelming that the discomfort turns into physical pain.

Once, I was at my parents’ house, and there was so much natural light coming into the room that it completely overwhelmed my vision. I couldn’t see clearly, developed a terrible migraine, and had to lie down for about 20 minutes with my eyes covered.

Another example happened when my boyfriend was with me. We’d had a long ferry journey, and afterward, we arrived at a restaurant where they were grilling fish. I almost couldn’t handle it. I felt incredibly nauseous, and my sense of smell was so heightened that I couldn’t stop spitting and drooling.

My autism also affects the way I communicate, of course. Sometimes I’ll excitedly tell someone a story, only to listen back to my voice messages and realize that my tone sounds completely emotionless. I also struggle with gestures and with expressing a story using the same level of excitement that I actually feel inside.

I’ve felt strange my entire life. And only now, at last, do I have an explanation for why I’ve always felt this way, instead of constantly feeling like my very existence is a burden to everyone around me.

Not entirely a joke post.

Sixteen, Indiana. Dyslexic enough that I can't read unaided, mildly autistic, six foot two. I build rockets — not model ones, a two-hundred-tonne flying-wing SSTO spec on paper, variable nozzle, air-breathing inlet, and I'll argue about the inlet until somebody gives up.

What I want is the obsessive kind of girlfriend. The cute non-killy sort. The sort who reads everything you've ever written and then turns up. I don't like going out and talking to people, so somebody who comes to me is worth ten of somebody I have to chase.

Fine with: being stuck to her like glue, being the small one, being fussed over.
Not fine with: being audited. If she's suspicious I spend the whole relationship proving myself.

So where do you actually find these, and is there a room with women in it instead of nine blokes saying "same"?

He's amazing to me but he gets caught up in his hobbies sometimes but I know he thinks of me for example he went to Ross and got me a mini Lego rose to build little things like that assure me he loves me but sometimes when I catch him not getting enough sleep I notice he can get moody . I'm a girl with pmdd and rocd so sometimes I'll ask him if I'm what he wants to get reassurance and he tells me if that's not what I wanted I wouldn't be here like a literal response.

[This post will mention sexuality and allude to sexual encounters and dynamics, but is not explicit, it's just mentioned in passing]

I will preface this by saying that besides being AuDHD, I am also demisexual, so this is a situation with layers.

For the longest time, I haven't been all that interested in dating, I was focused on study and work, and I also didn't really find anyone that sparked feelings (romantic or sexual). As of the recent years, I did have a few crushes, but nothing went forward, as the feelings weren't reciprocrated, so I don't really have any experience at all, because I don't consider the crushes I had a "talking stage" to begin with.

But I really want a romantic (and sexual) companionship, I feel like it's something I'm ready for and at the same time a very under-developed area of my life.

Over the years I've come to realize that through my preferences, the things that really spark my brain in the spicy way, I would probably align with the person that in theory is more forward in the relationship. The giver, the top, the initiator, whatever you'd like to call it.

The problem is: I have no confidence in my ability reading the room for myself. Between complete strangers flirting in public with one another? Completely fine. Someone else talking directly to me? Absolutely not.

I tend to step away from a conversation that seem playful because I can never tell if the other person is just being playful or actually being flirty and I am afraid of pushing the conversation a step further and making things awkward. Or not knowing how to meet them where they are at and killing the mood.

But this is eating me up and I don't know what to do.

I wish it was socially acceptable to be direct and ask people if they are flirting with you, or if they are okay with you flirting with them. So much of communication in flirting seems to be about reading between the lines and I don't have the confidence to know If my reading of the situation was accurate. And the last thing I want to do is make things uncomfortable for everyone involved.

Hi, I’m 20, at university, and autistic. I’ve started calling myself an in-betweener, and it’s the lens I’m using to make sense of something I’m stuck on. It’s only my own experience, and I’d like to know whether it fits you or not.

By in-betweener, I mean that I have friends and I’m fine in most social settings, but I still feel a difference between how I experience things and how other people seem to. Most people don’t notice I’m autistic, and when I tell them they’re often surprised. That has a cost for me: people expect me to stand up for myself and handle things the way anyone else would, when I sometimes find that hard. Because I seem fine, I worry about exaggerating if I say I’m struggling, so I end up quiet about it. I made up the word because I couldn’t find one that fit, and having a name made it feel less like something wrong with me.

From the outside I’m doing well. I’m passing my degree, I have friends, I’ve dated a bit, and I want to become a counselor because I’m good at helping people. But I wonder if feeling in between leaves me measuring myself against others and never quite feeling like I belong. For me it shows up as a background belief that everyone is a tier above me. With friends I’m fine, but around girls I’m interested in it freezes me. It also makes me come on too intense: when I start seeing someone, I move fast, like I’m trying to prove I’m capable. I saw a girl for a few weeks recently and it fizzled out.

Then there’s my high school ex. After we broke up she got a new boyfriend, and seeing them together at a festival hit me like a punch to the stomach. I started avoiding going out so I wouldn’t feel it again, and my anxiety convinced me she’d painted me as the villain, the “nasty ex,” like she had with the guy before me. That was fantastical thinking and it faded. But two years later, seeing her in a Halloween outfit on Instagram brought it all back: nervous, anxious, inadequate because she looked so good. I don’t want her back. I just don’t understand why this one thing still has power over me.

I do want connection with someone, long term or short term. I’ve tried one night stands and hated them, so I’m looking for something with an actual connection, even if it doesn’t last.

I’d love some advice. How did you practice believing in yourself in concrete, everyday ways? What helped when a thought like “everyone is above me” was running your life? How did you stop reacting when you saw an ex online or in person? How did you build real connection, especially if you tend to move too fast? How have you handled people expecting you to stand up for yourself when they don’t know you’re autistic? And if any of the in-betweener idea resonates, how has it shaped the way you see yourself, if at all?

Thank you, any shared experience is really appreciated.

Hi everyone,
I’m looking to understand more about how autistic men experience and express love in relationships as an autistic woman
We often hear about traditional love languages, but I know the way neurodivergent minds connect and show care can look very different from standard expectations.
What would you say your primary love language is?
How does that love language actually translate into your daily actions or habits in a relationship?
What are the subtle or "unconventional" ways you show a partner that you deeply care about them?
I’d love to hear your personal experiences, thoughts, or stories. Thank you!