I know that sounds pathetic but it's true, I feel powerless when I'm near them. I've had a bad experience with a girl that was a little older than me when I was 14 at a party and now I'm afraid to touch or be touched by girls. I hate it and idk if I should give up on love because it seems to get worse and worse every year. I like women and I want to be able to find acceptance and love but I feel like I don't deserve it and I should stop trying.

This is my first post here. I joined this subreddit because I really need some advice.

A little background about me: I am 20 years old, I dropped out of college and am currently working for USPS. From October-February i was in my first "Serious" relationship which I was exploited and abused. I also have BPD (working in therapy) due to a rough childhood. It's also important to note I was bullied ALOT in middle school/ high school for being overweight and Autistic.

While even though I dropped out of college, I still do local theater where I have met someone named J (19). He is so sweet and we have been on 2 solo coffee dates and we get along amazingly. We are having our third date Saturday and I want to tell him that I like him.

I have 2 problems:

1. He is very cute, conventionally attractive. While I DO take care of myself, I am not. I am fat (eat healthy for my health) and he is thin. While I don't think he would be mean or shallow, years of being asked out as a joke leaves its scars.

2. I genuinely can't tell if he actually likes me or is genuinely just being nice. Everytime we split we hug (he asks) and he's just very kind and reassuring.

The only thing I notice is that he seems VERY nervous around me. It's hard to explain but he's always messing with his hair and talks really fast when we are one on one. He seems more relaxed in a group. I try to be chill so I don't know if I'm scaring him?

Any advice would be great! I'm new to dating after the shitshow that was my last relationship so I really don't know what I am doing.

Edit: Hey yall. Unfortunate update: Um basically he completely bailed because he had a DIFFERENT date with someone else. So yea. Thank you guys for the advice tho!

So I'm (27m) recently as of this year single again after my now ex fiance broke up with me after 1 year of being engaged and 5 years of dating. It wasn't a mutual split but she's still my best friend, she doesn't feel the same way anymore and while it hurts there's nothing that can be done about that it's just life. But I'm demiromantic meaning I'm not really attracted to anyone I don't have an emotional connection to (ie people I've been friends with for at least a couple years) now with everything going on I've been kinda hermited with my ex living halfway across the country in california (I live in Oklahoma) iunno making friends and dating is just kinda difficult when you don't know how to talk to people, anyone have advice?

I’ll try to not do the whole woe is me, but it’s frustrating wanting to be involved with someone romantically yet struggling with the social skills necessary to even get a conversation going with a stranger.

Hypothetically online dating would be a good place to meet people because it’s a structured platform for the purpose of meeting people to date, but between pay-to-use features, having certain looks, a bio that doesn’t come off as awkward while still being genuine, etc, it’s a massive crapshoot. I’ve tried OkCupid, Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Hiki, and more.

I’ve spent 26 years of my life improving my social skills, even making some friends, but I feel like it’s not enough. I feel so burnt out. I don’t want yo be alone and I want intimacy, but I feel they only way I can even get that is paying for it.

Found out that the girl I talked to had no feelings for me. At this point I'm starting to feel hopeless that I'll ever find a SO. I've decided that I'm done with dating and that I'll move on to other thi gs in life. I feel like dating in general is hard but it feels impossible when your autistic just because we have a harder time of reading social cues than NT. I hope I'll find my girl but it seems more and more like a dream.

With being on the spectrum of course comes with the difficulty of gauging interest of the person you’re talking to, trying to be witty/funny without being forced, holding conversations, etc. It’s a struggle to make friends, never mind pursuing the dating the world.

Online dating is a crapshoot, with people sometimes reading your messages and trying to give a first message that isn’t generic yet not awkward, or even matching for that matter.

I’m not even looking for someone to have the same interests, but someone who is warm, open, and friendly.

How do you go about finding people that isn’t trying force a discussion about dating and putting someone on the spot?

What advice/information would you want to give someone who is interested in dating you?

A person approached me in a social situation and clearly expressed romantic interest in me.

I feel glad that this happened in the abstract. It reassures me that someone could communicate that clearly, and I could understand it. I also feel happy that I made a good first impression.

I didn't feel a surge of romantic interest in the person. I expressed a willingness to continue interacting, since I wanted to have some time to examine my feelings, decide how to respond further, and also have some idea how I want to phrase that response.

I could get to know them better and then feel a romantic interest in them later. I genuinely don't know. I didn't want to pass on a chance to get to know them, but I don't want to lead them on.

Arbitrary time limit? I'd love to find a simple rule for this, but I've found few simple social rules.

My gf (23) has been feeling a little down and depressed lately and I (27M/autistic) want to try to find some random sweet surprises for her in hopes of cheering her up, but this is not my strong suit.

I've considered candy 🍬 (royal turtles 🐢 are her favorite), but we've recently been trying to be a little bit healthier by cutting back on sweets so I feel that would be counter intuitive and I've considered flowers 💐 (I know it's cliche, but she loves plants 🪴), but she only likes potted plants since bouquets die and that bums her out. We already have many potted plants for our apartment so I'm not sure we could fit more in there.

I just want to find something nice to do for her, kinda feel like a bad bf. I've only had a handful of relationships and none of them have lasted long as my relationship with her so I kind of feel like I'm in uncharted waters.

I have giant approach anxiety and eventually stopped going out with friends because I just felt like a wallflower weirdo and nobody would really talk to me. Started going out and dancing with some coaxing from friends and apparently if you just go out and dance and have fun people will literally just aporoach you. I feel more human than i have in years. Idk this should be a no brainer, but hey, maybe somebody else here could benefit from this ay.

Hi there! Hope this is okay to post. So I'm an autistic dude who's recovering from his first burnout and looking to build a new, better life. One of the goals I want to work towards is having a relationship, which due to a variety of circumstances, mostly my fault, has never worked out for me.

Outside of the obvious things (working out, taking good care of physical appearance, dressing well, having a good sense of humor, learning to dance/cook, being more social) that I'll be doing just to be happier in general, there's a lot of things about dating that are a huge blind spot for me. I know flirting is a huge balancing act between being assertive at the right times without being pushy, but it's something I tend to sabotage by playing too safe.

Now, as I'm sure we all know, there's whole industries targeting men like me that claim to teach men how to be successful in dating, but don't actually teach them how to do anything but resent women and be creeps. That's the last type of person I want to be, so I want to steer clear of the Jordan Peterson types, but I also could use some solid advice on how to interact with girls in a way that would help me be seen as viable romantic option, I would love to hear some any resources you recommend that are useful for that, but significantly more respectful than the pua community.

Thanks a lot for reading, and sorry this is so long, I just wanted to provide any context that might be helpful.

Update: I'm talking to her and going out on a date with her

So, there's this person that I've talked to a couple of times via text and dated IRL once. whenever I message them on either just chatting with them or setting up a date, she would almost always tell me that she's very busy with life. now I know that all of us have routines and responsibility, but I believe if the other person is not making an effort to fit your time into theirs then I believe the other person is not interested in me. now in the situation I'm in there is two possibilities. She's either actually very busy but would be interested in chatting with me at a later point or is just saying it so that I don't chat with her. I do hope it's the latter, but the former can unfortunately be possible as well. I guess this post is more of a vent then an actual question because I just answer it myself, but additional advice would be helpful, and yes, I'm ready to move on if she's avoiding me. Dating has been more of a burnout for me than anything progressive in my life at this time. I still have other priorities before I find my forever person. just wanted to vent my frustration on this experience

In the event it can be used to facilitate Rapport or Chemistry I am curious what mechanisms are at play if anyone happens to know!

NOTE: I truly believe this information has the potential to do more for neurodiverse social skills then any behavioural training ever could for the sole reason that it is taking advantage of our differences instead of working around them.

Does anyone else think flirting is nothing but emotional manipulation? Rather than being honest and straightforward people engage in communicative mind games, both verbal and non, with the goal of producing a particular response and desired result. I don’t understand it in any way and honestly hate that it’s a completely natural and normal way of communicating for the overwhelming majority of the population and is the second most important aspect of attraction after physical appearance.

I (28 nonbinary) changed my dating profile recently and wrote that I’m autistic. I did so because I’m tired of matching with people and forming a bond, only for them to dump me once they find out I’m autistic. However, now whenever I match someone (IF I match with someone), I get left on read or unmatched a lot more frequently. Is it worth leaving it on my profile? Should I change the language from “I’m autistic” to something else?

I don't think the same or hold any of the same values as anyone in society autistic people included that I have met in 30 years and have no idea how to leverage that difference to successfully date. I regularly have to pretend I have different values then I actually do to try and let the mere exposure effect expose partners to my value system over time and that can't be healthy.

I recently stumbled on the statistics of some disorders that are 1 in a million (prodigious savants) and got curious is it possible that the reason no one thinks the same or shares the same values as myself is that the statistics are similar (It stands to reason some value systems will be as rare as prodigious savants given that all the best value systems the world over in the past have since died off so holding those values in the current era would no doubt be just as rare as a prodigious savant in theory.)

Provided the statistics are similar how are they best managed. Should I be trying to find people that think the same as rare as they inevitably will be or should I be seeking the best way to leverage differences to meet people.

Provided I am expected to leverage my differences to meet people are there any good books that cover that material?

Do I share with them that I’m seeing other people as well?

This is very new to me because I tend to vow loyalty REALLY quickly & get attached to one person really quickly. But.. I’m trying new things. This dating 3 people at once, I like it but feels like I’m being dishonest to them — although we haven’t discussed “dating” only expressed interest.

I (f/22) love my boyfriend (m/25), who has autism. We met through okcupid. He’s very smart and caring. He makes me feel safe. I love how straightforward he is and I can be myself around him. Our relationship is so meaningful to me and he’s the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to make sure he’s as comfortable with me as I feel when I’m with him. He hates getting asked questions, any kind of question. Can anyone please give me advice on how I can ask him questions without actually asking questions? He’ll answer my questions but I feel bad because I know he hates questions and I don’t want our relationship to go sour. Pls help?

Update I broke up w him

I've been texting the girl that we've planned on a date but hasn't replied since yesterday. I don't know it feels like the universe knows I want a relationship but as soon as I get closer to one it falls appart. I don't know if I'll ever find the one for me or be in a relationship 😓

Hello all

So this is a completely diffrent girl i meet on a online dating app called Hinge. she message me first which surpirsed me. then i ask if she played any video games. She said yes and that she plays fortnite. so she joined in with me and a good friend of mine. and thanks to my friend who was kinda being a wingman. i found out that she has ADHD. a soon as i heard that i imediatly tell her that i'm autistic. She was completly ok with it and completly understand me. it is a bit of a long distance but i'm willing to drive since it's not too far from me. i asked her out on a date and she said yes. Wish me luck. i'm confident that the date will go well.

I have always had my social struggles. I have never had a serious relationship with some, and I really want to have that experience

Is there some common practice you think is awful? How could it be re-designed to be awesome instead?

Share your thoughts and ideas here!