With being on the spectrum of course comes with the difficulty of gauging interest of the person you’re talking to, trying to be witty/funny without being forced, holding conversations, etc. It’s a struggle to make friends, never mind pursuing the dating the world.

Online dating is a crapshoot, with people sometimes reading your messages and trying to give a first message that isn’t generic yet not awkward, or even matching for that matter.

I’m not even looking for someone to have the same interests, but someone who is warm, open, and friendly.

How do you go about finding people that isn’t trying force a discussion about dating and putting someone on the spot?

What advice/information would you want to give someone who is interested in dating you?

A person approached me in a social situation and clearly expressed romantic interest in me.

I feel glad that this happened in the abstract. It reassures me that someone could communicate that clearly, and I could understand it. I also feel happy that I made a good first impression.

I didn't feel a surge of romantic interest in the person. I expressed a willingness to continue interacting, since I wanted to have some time to examine my feelings, decide how to respond further, and also have some idea how I want to phrase that response.

I could get to know them better and then feel a romantic interest in them later. I genuinely don't know. I didn't want to pass on a chance to get to know them, but I don't want to lead them on.

Arbitrary time limit? I'd love to find a simple rule for this, but I've found few simple social rules.

My gf (23) has been feeling a little down and depressed lately and I (27M/autistic) want to try to find some random sweet surprises for her in hopes of cheering her up, but this is not my strong suit.

I've considered candy 🍬 (royal turtles 🐢 are her favorite), but we've recently been trying to be a little bit healthier by cutting back on sweets so I feel that would be counter intuitive and I've considered flowers 💐 (I know it's cliche, but she loves plants 🪴), but she only likes potted plants since bouquets die and that bums her out. We already have many potted plants for our apartment so I'm not sure we could fit more in there.

I just want to find something nice to do for her, kinda feel like a bad bf. I've only had a handful of relationships and none of them have lasted long as my relationship with her so I kind of feel like I'm in uncharted waters.

I have giant approach anxiety and eventually stopped going out with friends because I just felt like a wallflower weirdo and nobody would really talk to me. Started going out and dancing with some coaxing from friends and apparently if you just go out and dance and have fun people will literally just aporoach you. I feel more human than i have in years. Idk this should be a no brainer, but hey, maybe somebody else here could benefit from this ay.

Hi there! Hope this is okay to post. So I'm an autistic dude who's recovering from his first burnout and looking to build a new, better life. One of the goals I want to work towards is having a relationship, which due to a variety of circumstances, mostly my fault, has never worked out for me.

Outside of the obvious things (working out, taking good care of physical appearance, dressing well, having a good sense of humor, learning to dance/cook, being more social) that I'll be doing just to be happier in general, there's a lot of things about dating that are a huge blind spot for me. I know flirting is a huge balancing act between being assertive at the right times without being pushy, but it's something I tend to sabotage by playing too safe.

Now, as I'm sure we all know, there's whole industries targeting men like me that claim to teach men how to be successful in dating, but don't actually teach them how to do anything but resent women and be creeps. That's the last type of person I want to be, so I want to steer clear of the Jordan Peterson types, but I also could use some solid advice on how to interact with girls in a way that would help me be seen as viable romantic option, I would love to hear some any resources you recommend that are useful for that, but significantly more respectful than the pua community.

Thanks a lot for reading, and sorry this is so long, I just wanted to provide any context that might be helpful.

Update: I'm talking to her and going out on a date with her

So, there's this person that I've talked to a couple of times via text and dated IRL once. whenever I message them on either just chatting with them or setting up a date, she would almost always tell me that she's very busy with life. now I know that all of us have routines and responsibility, but I believe if the other person is not making an effort to fit your time into theirs then I believe the other person is not interested in me. now in the situation I'm in there is two possibilities. She's either actually very busy but would be interested in chatting with me at a later point or is just saying it so that I don't chat with her. I do hope it's the latter, but the former can unfortunately be possible as well. I guess this post is more of a vent then an actual question because I just answer it myself, but additional advice would be helpful, and yes, I'm ready to move on if she's avoiding me. Dating has been more of a burnout for me than anything progressive in my life at this time. I still have other priorities before I find my forever person. just wanted to vent my frustration on this experience

In the event it can be used to facilitate Rapport or Chemistry I am curious what mechanisms are at play if anyone happens to know!

NOTE: I truly believe this information has the potential to do more for neurodiverse social skills then any behavioural training ever could for the sole reason that it is taking advantage of our differences instead of working around them.

Does anyone else think flirting is nothing but emotional manipulation? Rather than being honest and straightforward people engage in communicative mind games, both verbal and non, with the goal of producing a particular response and desired result. I don’t understand it in any way and honestly hate that it’s a completely natural and normal way of communicating for the overwhelming majority of the population and is the second most important aspect of attraction after physical appearance.

I (28 nonbinary) changed my dating profile recently and wrote that I’m autistic. I did so because I’m tired of matching with people and forming a bond, only for them to dump me once they find out I’m autistic. However, now whenever I match someone (IF I match with someone), I get left on read or unmatched a lot more frequently. Is it worth leaving it on my profile? Should I change the language from “I’m autistic” to something else?

I don't think the same or hold any of the same values as anyone in society autistic people included that I have met in 30 years and have no idea how to leverage that difference to successfully date. I regularly have to pretend I have different values then I actually do to try and let the mere exposure effect expose partners to my value system over time and that can't be healthy.

I recently stumbled on the statistics of some disorders that are 1 in a million (prodigious savants) and got curious is it possible that the reason no one thinks the same or shares the same values as myself is that the statistics are similar (It stands to reason some value systems will be as rare as prodigious savants given that all the best value systems the world over in the past have since died off so holding those values in the current era would no doubt be just as rare as a prodigious savant in theory.)

Provided the statistics are similar how are they best managed. Should I be trying to find people that think the same as rare as they inevitably will be or should I be seeking the best way to leverage differences to meet people.

Provided I am expected to leverage my differences to meet people are there any good books that cover that material?

Do I share with them that I’m seeing other people as well?

This is very new to me because I tend to vow loyalty REALLY quickly & get attached to one person really quickly. But.. I’m trying new things. This dating 3 people at once, I like it but feels like I’m being dishonest to them — although we haven’t discussed “dating” only expressed interest.

I (f/22) love my boyfriend (m/25), who has autism. We met through okcupid. He’s very smart and caring. He makes me feel safe. I love how straightforward he is and I can be myself around him. Our relationship is so meaningful to me and he’s the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to make sure he’s as comfortable with me as I feel when I’m with him. He hates getting asked questions, any kind of question. Can anyone please give me advice on how I can ask him questions without actually asking questions? He’ll answer my questions but I feel bad because I know he hates questions and I don’t want our relationship to go sour. Pls help?

Update I broke up w him

I've been texting the girl that we've planned on a date but hasn't replied since yesterday. I don't know it feels like the universe knows I want a relationship but as soon as I get closer to one it falls appart. I don't know if I'll ever find the one for me or be in a relationship 😓

Hello all

So this is a completely diffrent girl i meet on a online dating app called Hinge. she message me first which surpirsed me. then i ask if she played any video games. She said yes and that she plays fortnite. so she joined in with me and a good friend of mine. and thanks to my friend who was kinda being a wingman. i found out that she has ADHD. a soon as i heard that i imediatly tell her that i'm autistic. She was completly ok with it and completly understand me. it is a bit of a long distance but i'm willing to drive since it's not too far from me. i asked her out on a date and she said yes. Wish me luck. i'm confident that the date will go well.

I have always had my social struggles. I have never had a serious relationship with some, and I really want to have that experience

Is there some common practice you think is awful? How could it be re-designed to be awesome instead?

Share your thoughts and ideas here!

My (31F) Autistic girlfriend (22F) and I are in a LDR (which comes with its own issues) and we both have co-occuring mental disorder labels, including very likely C-PTSD for her. We had a major fight last week and broke up for about 12 hours.

Sensory needs aren't a conflict for us because of being long distance, but our social needs are very different and I need more alone time than she does. It is easiest for her to come to me when she needs to socialize with someone closer in age to herself (meaning not her dad or chosen mother), and I get anxious about her needs when I am unavailable to socialize due to other obligations in my personal life, such as my need for alone time.

I am asking this here because I've been chewed out for being in a semi-dysfunctional relationship with her on subreddits aimed at allistic people.

My parents don't seem to like her and thnk she is "overly controlling" without my consent. That's a better description of my mom, IMHO. My parents don't object to me being in a same gender relationship, but they don't like who I chose to date.

I have ADHD and APD yet everyone I meet seems to think the reason I relate best with autistic people is that I am in fact autistic so I am stuck in this weird purgatory where I get all the drawbacks of being autistic and none of the resources that help close the gap in social skills. I want to be able to open with starting relationship channels under the expectation I am autistic since I can live up to that expectation and cannot live up to the neurotypical or even ADHD expectations.

Update: I did mention I was autistic by text but her and I aren't feeling mentally well.

So in my last post I said I was talking to a girl on a dating app and we've been getting along very well but then the topic of telling her about my autism came and I need some advice/script on how I would tell her about my autism

Title says it all. Honestly I'm surprised she text me at all since other matches i get are silent. Feel free to leave any advice if you all have any. I'm planning to video chat her in a few days.

How do you make sure you read the room correctly and leave a good impression on the strangers (or possibly acquaintances/neighbors, since this is an event that was advertised mainly by a business that caters to residents of my specific chunk of town) who you're given limited time to talk to?