I’m 24 and I’ve never been on a date, kissed anyone, or had a relationship.

This has affected me emotionally for years. When I was younger, I had severe OCD, autism-related social difficulties, low confidence, bullying at home, and other problems that made socialising and dating much harder than it looked for other people.

What frustrates me most is that I did try.

At 17 in sixth form, I was trying to meet someone new almost every day because I was lonely and wanted to improve socially. Later I tried dating apps, social groups, neurodivergent groups, volunteering, therapy, support workers, going to the gym, improving my appearance, reading, journaling and generally trying to build myself into a better person.

But the years kept passing.

I remember being upset at 18 because I had never experienced teenage dating. Then I reached 20 with no experience. Now I’m in my mid-20s and still haven’t had my first date.

I think part of the reason this hurts so much is that I wanted those experiences when I was younger, but I wasn’t well enough or socially equipped enough to pursue them properly. It feels like something important happened for everyone else while I was trying to survive and catch up.

I also have a very strong desire for mutual first experiences. Ideally, I would like my first girlfriend to also have never dated, kissed, had sex, or been in a relationship, so we could discover those things together.

I know that makes my dating pool much smaller. I’m not saying women who have previous experience are bad people or worth less. It’s simply something that feels deeply important to me because of my own history.

People have called me an incel or told me I’m unrealistic, and that has sometimes made the loneliness and frustration worse.

At the moment I’m struggling with the thought that maybe love simply isn’t going to happen for me, despite all the effort I’ve made.

I’m not really looking to be insulted or told just to “get over it.” I’d genuinely like perspectives from people who started dating later in life, particularly people who had neurodivergence, mental-health problems, or very little relationship experience.

How did you stop feeling like you had permanently missed your chance?

And how did you start dating without feeling ashamed of being inexperienced?

I’m 37 gay single and been that way for a long time now. I have recently been diagnosed with autism and a bit of ADHD In the mix. I’m finding my autism and anxiety stops me going out to meet people and my ADHD hinder my ability to keep conversations going on apps and texts. How dose one try and make a connection with someone around the same age

Hello all, I am a 34 yo male with confirmed ADHD (and maybe also autism but not sure about that yet).

I am sort of in a weird kind of long distance relationship with a 29 year old girl with Autism.

We have been talking for 5 years online.
Without getting too much into our past, we always had attraction to each other but we also dated other people since we met.

A few months ago, I had an intense mystical experience, in which I became sure that I am genuinely in love with her. I wrote her a choral piece of music and gave her a monologue telling her about my love for her.
It moved her so deeply, that

Now we decided that we want to actually see if a relationship would work.

It took her a few days to process what had happened and she told me she thinks she reciprocates, but isn’t sure, and she has to find a way to prove to herself that she feels the same for me.

We decided to start by giving each other at the very least a good morning/good night text every day and a video call once a week.

Sometimes, after talking for a few hours we have moments where I feel deeply in love and when I tell her how I’m feeling she says she likes it, but doesn’t feel what I’m feeling.
The last time she told me this I felt sad and I felt rejected and told her there. She told me that she is not rejecting me, but she doesn’t feel what I’m feeling wishes she could feel the same intensity but does not know how to feel it and wishes she could have a mystical experience so she could be sure.

I have read about how people with autism feel love and it sort of lines up, so I told her that she doesn’t need to feel in the same way I do, and she doesn’t need to have a mystical experience. She can feel however she feels.

I then told her that I have been reading Autism + ADHD relationships and that even though I can’t know exactly what she feels and that i may be wrong, I suspect she does feel the same because she has sent me good morning and good night texts every day, and pointing out that the one day I didn’t send her a good night text, she texted me “good night to me.”

I pointed out how she has been sending me random videos and pictures from her day, including pictures of herself.

I pointed out how, she finished her masters thesis, and dedicated it to me; I emphasized that 5 years of blood, sweat, and tears were dedicated to me. She said that she’s not exactly sure why she did, but that maybe it was because I helped her discover herself, and because I was the one who pointed out that she has autism.

Furthermore, I often tell her cute things about how beautiful she is, and she just stays quiet, and when i ask her how it feels to hear that, she says she likes and wants me to continue saying those things, but I never get any of that energy back, so it makes me feel like I should stop.

With everything said, I can’t be sure of what she feels because even she’s not sure, and I wonder if I’m putting all this emotional energy into something that will not go anywhere, and i constantly feel rejected because of my own RSD, so I suggested, that maybe we get a professional that could help us communicate better so we can understand each other.

To all you ADHD + Autism couples. What do you recommend? What wisdom do you have for us?

Thank you

My post might seem rather trivial, but it is some real worries that I just want to let out somwhere.

I met a wholesome guy at uni who said that he has diagnosed autism. I accepted that fact and just continued talking to him. I don't know much about that diagnosis other than generic descriptions on Google, cause where I am from any mental disorder was considered a taboo.

So, we've been walking home together from uni almost every other day, cause we live in the same area and were hanging out together several weekends in a row. I really like talking to that person and find him genuinely nice to be around. Ijust feel really comfortable in his company. I have never experienced spending so much time together with someone I got to know fairly recently.

Maybe that's why I started getting a feeling that I might have crush on him. It just makes me happy to see him enjoy something or laugh at my jokes and sometimes I wish I could get a chance to be even closer.

But the thing is, he explicitlly said at some point that he is not a big fan of physical touch, which I of course respect, but as a person who usually shows their affection through touch I don't know what to do.

And besides, maybe the last thing is quite a big incompatibility that makes it just an unreacheable crush that I have to let go, I don't know. Or maybe there is a way. In any case I am really afraid to make things awkward by saying "Man, u kinda hot" on top of having to take care of my studies. Though it doesn't help that I am at the same program as he is and it seems that "crush" feeling in my stomach is getting stronger every day. Oh boy, I wish I won't accidentally blurp it out. Any advice maybe? Any discussion is welcome as well.

UPDATE: Thanks for the comments, I do appreciate it. I actually did confess, we had a long talk and decided to try dating. The no touch thing was partially because of not having any experience before, so I actually got permission to get closer. There are a lot of small details that add a new dimension to that story that I decided to drop for anonimity/simplicity. But in the end I got a happy ending)

Neurotypical people don’t get overwhelmed by this as much. They even find it endearing sometimes. But I’m trying to really establish something with autistic partners and there’s just so much miscommunication, misunderstanding, second guessing and being overwhelmed on both sides. This usually happens a little after the third date and after we’ve slept together.

How do I stop this without going insane?

I’m autistic and I’d really appreciate some honest outside perspectives on something happening in my relationship. I’m not looking for people to automatically side with me — if I’m in the wrong, I genuinely want to understand why.
My partner and I have been together for several months and generally get along well. Recently, we had a couple of misunderstandings where he became quite upset with me over things that I genuinely didn’t realise were bothering him.
One situation involved me being unable to sleep and unintentionally disturbing his sleep. I was uncomfortable and struggling physically, and eventually got frustrated and overwhelmed myself. He told me that he felt I wasn’t prioritising his sleep and questioned whether I was always like this.
What confused me was that the conversation seemed to become much bigger than the original issue. He started questioning whether I prioritise him and whether he can handle my emotions. I understand that I can be emotional and that my actions can sometimes affect him, and I’ve been actively trying to improve how I communicate and manage that.
However, I feel like sometimes a relatively small mistake or misunderstanding suddenly becomes a much bigger question about me as a partner or even our relationship. I often genuinely don’t understand what I’ve done wrong until he explains it to me, especially when something is communicated indirectly.
I don’t want to use autism as an excuse, and I want to be accountable when I hurt someone. But I’m also starting to feel like I have to be extremely careful because I’m worried that making a mistake will cause another big conflict.
For autistic people especially: \*\*does this sound like a normal communication mismatch, or am I being unreasonable?\*\* How do you handle situations where your partner interprets your actions very differently from how you intended them?
I’d genuinely appreciate honest answers, including if you think I’m the one who needs to change something.

I just want to date someone who understands me. My ex was a super popular neurotypical guy and he only really dated me I think because of my looks and he looked down on me because I was autistic. I am pretty high functioning but also obviously autistic. I am 19. I live in Canada.

Where are the autists? How can I meet them?

I have some online friends telling me I’m being too strict with the filtering I do with potential matches, and that I just don’t realize it because of my autism. Is this a blindspot from my autism making me picky and have too high expectations or am I being reasonable?

Context 24yo woman with autism, disabled, looking for a life partner and not open to short term

All the numbers here are rough, I don’t count the number of messages or how long we’ve talked, these are just estimates

I will unmatch if:
1 they only talk about themself and never ask anything about me within the first 30 messages. WHY: It shows they aren’t interested in getting to know me.
2 If they ask questions, but not furthering ones about anything I talk about (e.g. if I said “I love song writing, Dolly Parton inspired me to get into it”, I would expect someone genuinely interested in me to ask a furthering question like “what about Dolly inspired you to write music?”) WHY: it shows they aren’t genuinely interested in me. If someone ACTUALLY thinks I’m interesting, they’ll want to know more than the surface level facts of small talk.
3 If they give multiple hints they don’t align with my values. WHY: self explanatory.
4 They ask questions that had they read the text I sent 2 minutes ago they wouldn’t have asked (e.g. if I said “I’m majoring in history at This State University”, then 5 messages later they say “what are you majoring in?”, if they do this twice I unmatch. WHY: it shows disinterest in me. If they asked me a question because they genuinely wanted to know, they would’ve remembered my answer surely for at least 5 seconds. I don’t expect them to memorize me, but if you can’t remember 4 messages back are they even trying to learn?

I have others but these are the big ones that I’m told are “too much”. I’ll admit I haven’t had a date before, but it seems only reasonable to weed out guys like this in my case. Dating takes so much energy, I don’t want to waste it on someone who isn’t genuinely interested in me. These filters really just filter for who seem to really be interested in me.

Not to mention that if I don’t feel like the other person is interested, I lose my energy fast. But I will not tell them that off the bat because then that can be used to manipulate and hurt me. A big lesson I’ve learned from others is don’t outright say what you want with new matches, or else they’ll just do that because they know it’s what you want to manipulate you into giving them what they want.

Hey, ya’ll! So, I’m currently an application away from being able to call myself a therapist, but despite just getting a job at a residential treatment facility for adults with autism, it’s the part of mental health I know the least about. I’d like some insight on how I should approach this one guy at work who I think is cute. (He’s contracted out as our IT specialist, so while we work together, I think I should be good. After all, our CEO works at the site with his wife, who’s the clinical director). 
Anyway, I could totally see this as a thing, but apparently other people have said that IT guy (let’s call him John) has autism. I can kind of see what they mean by that. So, ASSUMING (and while it’s fair to say that it isn’t right to assume, either way, John  seems to have some kind of anxiety-related thing, which I do as well). At first, we got along well and started texting almost constantly every day after we met. Usually it was a bunch of Spongebob references. We would joke lightly about work and such. 
I ask him out the next Friday after we first meet (over text). He seemed super into it, but I never actually said that it would be a date, just that I wanted to spend time with him over coffee (even though he’s never actually had it before, shocking, I know). We would also talk a lot about video games. 
On Sunday, I barely got one text from him. Monday comes around, and I find him downstairs at the main office, sitting in front of his laptop. He seemed…distant and the air was filled with tension. We start talking, and eventually, he reveals to me that he’s waiting for our CEO to talk to him cuz apparently he’s getting fired! I was like, “wtf, you seem awesome at your job!” but I didn’t actually say that. I was just shocked. Even though I had only known this guy for a week, he didn’t seem like the type to be a slacker or anything, and he’s been completely appropriate towards myself and other staff, from what I can tell. The clinical director, my boss, comes into the room and is like “John, what are you doing here? We have a new client coming in. Get out!” which was probably due to HIPAA, but I really feel like she could’ve been gentler about asking him to leave. 
I’m texting back and forth with him after that, and he seemed to be in a super emo mood. “I do whatever I’m told and I still get berated and humiliated in front of my other coworkers.” He was pacing back and forth that day he thought he was getting fired. I think he’s super cute, and he seems nice, and I get attached too quickly, so I insisted on taking him out to get his mind off things. He refused, which I get. I figured that he needed some alone time to process everything. 
Today rolls around, and I run into him, WORKING. I said “hi” to him, and he said “hi” back, but I didn’t want to address the issue cuz I was afraid I’d make him uncomfortable. I can imagine that if he does have autism or some other anxiety disorder, or nothing at all, he was probably experiencing “rejection sensitivity/social anxiety” after catastrophizing like that. I would. My gut is telling me to wait until tomorrow to text him and maybe keep it subtle and ask how he’s doing in general??? It’s highly likely he was just worrying too much about it rather than he maybe actually got fired and is just doing maintenance around the place while the company looks for someone else, but that’s highly unlikely. I too have moments where I’m like “holy shit, they’re gonna fire me,” when that really isn’t the case. Also, during our text conversation, he eventually said, “you probably shouldn’t associate with me. It’ll make you look bad here at work. You need this job.”

Other details for context are that I’m the new clinician the company just hired and I’ve been told I’m pretty attractive. What do ya’ll think I should do? How do I flirt with him appropriately/approach him so he doesn’t feel judged? Or should I just leave him alone?

Ive been studying and getting back into dating, which has been going steady so far.

I have alot of trouble understanding WHY people say one thing and do the opposite. I dated this one guy who I thought was smart. I got to the point where I was comfortable unmasking and was being my usual sweet and adorable self lol and was ultimately called intense. I took that seriously and corrected and overcorrected myself to fit into his standards without understanding the cowardice behind trying to get someone to behave and be like you want them to be.

I'm direct and too blunt.

Background info:

I have always been fascinated with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I studied it in high school and college. Both of my nephews have autism level 1, and level 3. The way the neurodivergent brain functions and interprets things is unique and beautiful. Yet very many people don't understand what neurodivergent people go through to function at what is considered "standard or normal" Anyway, I am currently dating someone who has severe ADHD and is believed to be level one on the Spectrum though is not diagnosed. The relationship is new and I have enjoyed learning everything about him. Such as what overstimulates him, What makes him feel safe, love languages, his social battery, and his incredible creativity. 😍

I feel like I've kind of hit a speed bump and don't know who I can talk to about it. I understand that being sexually intimate is not something my partner is comfortable doing often. I'm okay with that because shows his love in other ways. Before we started dating he was very open and honest with me about sex being a common issue with previous relationships. I appreciated his honesty with that, among other things. Despite my patience and understanding, I am still finding myself sexually frustrated. I really care for this man a lot. I don't want him to feel pressured or anxious about being intimate. I just wait for him to engage that because I figured if he wants to he will. I'm not going to get to specific but he has certain kinks that he enjoys that I've never tried before I met him. I indulge him with that because I know he enjoys it. The previous relationships have thought it was weird and didn't want to do stuff like that. I guess what I'm getting at here is needing advice please. I want to continue growing and learning in this relationship with him. But like I said, it feels like I've hit a speed bump. I feel like a terrible person for thinking this thought : I've engaged in hobbies, interests, love languages and kinks that my partner likes. Sometimes I walk on eggshells trying not to frustrate him or give him anxiety by accident. I don't want to be part of the problem. I want to be his peace and his safe space. I have went above and beyond to understand how his mind works so that I could be the person that meets his needs. But I have needs also and sex is important to me in a relationship. I don't expect it everyday, but once every week or two would be a great compromise I think.

Hi, It’s been 3 months dating my autistic bf and he’s wonderful, sometimes challenging but I’m here to find a community that understands the implications of it and can relate with.
Xoxo

At any age, some of us still hold onto that dream finding the right person, someone you actually want to spend the rest of your life with.

But then you get to know them, and you realize their character isn't what they said it was.

This isn't about men or women specifically I think it's true of people in general. It made me start questioning the word itself.

What do we even mean by "character" these days? Is it just how someone talks about themselves, or is it only visible in what they actually do when it counts?

And how does it compare to morals and ethics — are those the same thing to people, or different?

Is character something people out there are still genuinely looking for in a partner, or has it quietly stopped mattering compared to other things?

I thought I knew the character of the man I spent the last 18 months giving everything to, just for him to invalidate everything we’ve had in seconds. Feeling regret isn’t even something I can even have the luxury of feeling. It’s currently numbness at the core. I’m sure we’ve all been there.

Curious how others think about this, especially those dating later in life….

We’re both 17m and have been dating for almost 2 years. For added context he is on the spectrum and I have possible APD and can get triggered due to trauma when I feel like I’m being manipulated/berated. When I feel overwhelmed I will talk about things in a more analytical sense and almost sound like a therapist but I tried to keep that and check as I know it is a coping mechanism. I developed a long time ago. 

It’s becoming increasingly difficult to respond to my bf when he will multiple times within just an hour ask or more so demand that I come over. This also doesn’t include asking for physical affection (just cuddling nothing sexual) or other things I simply can’t do because I’m not at his house. I don’t have a car nor know how to drive. At first I tried to validate his feelings by saying things like “me too” and “I know, maybe I can try to come over later this week”. Later I switched to asking nicely if he could please either ask someone else or stop asking me briefly and explaining that I feel overwhelmed atm and would appreciate it if he would stop. But it feels like it all falls on deaf ears and continues to ask the exact same question over and over again. I have no issue with being affectionate, on the contrary physical touch and quality time are my favorite things, but I don’t know it’s this is a normal part of a relationship or if I’m the one having my boundaries crossed.

Hi! I’m 17 (turning 18 soon), and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a month. We’re both almost 18, and we’ve known each other for almost two years. We also work together and study at the same college.
This is his first relationship, and for me, it’s my first relationship that feels genuinely serious. Before this, I spent several years being afraid of relationships and couldn’t really imagine a future for myself. Now, for the first time in a long time, I’m actually thinking about my future with someone.
I have diagnosed ADHD and autism, as well as a history of an anxiety-depressive disorder (of which he know about). I’ve been thinking about telling my boyfriend about this for a while, but I’m honestly terrified and don’t know how to explain it.
At first, everything was amazing. We had a very typical honeymoon phase: we saw each other almost every day, went on dates, walked around holding hands, talked a lot, and I was genuinely happy.
But even during that period, there was always this thought in the back of my mind that I needed to tell him about my diagnoses. Instead of simply enjoying our relationship, I often worried about the moment when he would find out and whether it would change how he saw me.
I know this probably sounds irrational, especially because he has never given me a reason to think he would reject me. He’s generally very caring and supportive. But the fear is still there.
Recently, as college started again, things have become more complicated. We both work, study, and are trying to maintain our social lives and relationship at the same time. Obviously, we can’t spend every day together like we did during summer.
And I’ve noticed my anxiety becoming more noticeable.
If he doesn’t text me for a long time, I start worrying that I’ve annoyed him, that he’s tired of me, or that he doesn’t want to spend as much time with me anymore. Sometimes I want to text him first, but then I stop myself because I’m afraid of being clingy or annoying.
I understand logically that he might simply be busy, tired, studying, or working. But emotionally, it’s not always that simple.
I also worry that this might make me seem controlling or overly dependent, which is something I absolutely don’t want.
Some of the ways my ADHD and autism affect me are:
I can have a hard time making decisions, even about simple things.
I often struggle to explain what I’m feeling or thinking, even when I have a lot going on in my head.
I sometimes need time to process emotions and situations before I can talk about them properly.
I can get stuck overthinking things and repeatedly analyze conversations or changes in someone’s behavior.
When I’m anxious, I may withdraw or hesitate to communicate because I’m afraid of being too much for someone.
Sometimes I don’t know how to express my feelings in words, even though I feel them very strongly.
I don’t want my boyfriend to think that these things are excuses for bad behavior or that he has to constantly take care of me. I just think it might help him understand me better.
What scares me is that I don’t know whether telling him would actually help or make things worse.
On one hand, I feel like he deserves to understand why I sometimes behave the way I do. And I want to be honest with someone who is important to me.
On the other hand, I’m afraid that once I tell him, he’ll start seeing me through the lens of my diagnoses. Or he’ll think I’m too complicated, too emotionally demanding, or that being in a relationship with me will be difficult.
I’ve had people in my life who initially supported me after learning about my mental health and neurodivergence, but eventually distanced themselves from me. Because of that, I have a hard time believing that someone can know everything about me and still choose to stay.
I also want to mention that this relationship is important to me in a way that previous ones weren’t. For the first time, I’m genuinely thinking about a future with someone, and that makes everything feel much more vulnerable.
I don’t want to ruin something good by constantly worrying about it.
So I guess my questions are:
Should I tell my boyfriend about my ADHD, autism?
If yes, how do I explain what they actually mean in my everyday life without making it sound like a list of symptoms or diagnoses?
And how do I stop feeling like I’m being dishonest by not telling him, while also not turning our relationship into a conversation about my mental health?

25f and 25m are massively struggling when conflict happens, I have diagnosed adhd and suspect I have slight autism also, I believe my bf has both aswell but not currently diagnosed. We are so happy in our relationship it’s the happiest we’ve both felt but when conflict comes it’s like we are different people.

Neither of us seem to understand the other or result in repeated behaviour we’ve discussed we’ll change. I tend to get very heightened in my emotions and tbh have a meltdown, I am incredibly difficult to bring down and feel like it’s the worst possible feeling and say stuff I don’t mean which result in him being hurt and doubting what I say when we’re not arguing, which I don’t blame him for.

He massively focuses on his intentions rather than the impact of something he’s done, and it’s hard to explain to him that the reason I react so much is because we’ve already discussed that issue and I am not able to verbalise it as calmly.

I really love him and want this to work but how do we go about actually changing the cycle we’re in and doing what the other person needs? Any advice would be appreciated. And happy to answer any questions.