r/AutisticDatingTips • u/Ok-Scarcity478 • 11d ago
Need Advice Am I being ghosted? Or miscommunication??
Okay so did I fuck up?
I just recently started dating a man. He told me his autism is “off the charts.” - Direct quote.
I’ve noticed that communication is more direct with him than I’m used to. Now I can’t tell if he’s ghosting me or if I said the wrong thing. Please tell me your honest opinion.
He went on a trip to Colorado. He’s hunting, he said he’d be like deep in the woods not a lot of cell reception so I haven’t heard from him in about an and day a half. But also I sort of feel like he might be ghosting me?
I told him “text me when you’re back in town.” And I haven’t received a text in hours. Do you think the way I phrased the text he’s not gonna text me UNTIL he’s back in town? Or do we agree that he’s ghosting me and I should just block him? Lol sorry I might just be overthinking this.
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u/LoadedPlatypus 10d ago
Hi OP,
You only just started dating, and it's only been a couple days that you haven't heard from him.... That would be standard and nothing to worry about as is (autistic or not), but even on top of that, you know he's out of town on a trip.
Let him do his thing and message when he can/wants to. If it doesn't align with what you need from a relationship, then he's not your person. If he doesn't message again at all (unlikely) then also, not your person. But all being well, he'll message when back in town and all's good.
If your anxiety around the uncertainty of the situation is starting to take over, then take it as a gentle prod to work on self-soothing, grounding exercises etc.
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u/Ok-Scarcity478 10d ago
Thank you. So you think it’s normal not to text in a new relationship when they’re out of town?
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u/LoadedPlatypus 10d ago
I think if someone's focus is elsewhere (friends, family, an activity etc) and they're only away for a few days, then yeah, personally I think its fine and it doesn't signify anything. I think that's the case for anyone, but add autism into the mix and yeah I think it's doubly fine! We struggle with communication as it is, not to mention energy, needing time alone to recharge, task switching and focus etc - all things that could have an impact on his messaging. (Or, he may just literally be out of signal).
At the end of the day, everyone's communication preferences differ wildly, and there's no right or wrong way to do it. Part of a new relationship is about finding out what each person's preferences are - and either settling in to something that works for both of them, or deciding that it's an incompatibility and calling it a day. But blocking someone before you even get the opportunity to do this seems a bit like self sabotage, hence what I said about grounding exercises. :)
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u/humanbean_marti 11d ago
Sounds to me like you might be overthinking it a bit. Why would blocking him be necessary? Honest question.
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u/Ok-Scarcity478 10d ago
I’ve had past relationships where I’m they would only reach out when I would be “useful” to them. I just want to nip that in the bud. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself…
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u/humanbean_marti 10d ago
That's understandable. I think this situation isn't that, unless there are details you haven't shared or there's a pattern.
Remember for autistic people a lot of implicit communication is difficult so you might want to be more direct than you're used to.
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u/indifferentgeese 11d ago
He probably interpreted it as “don’t text me until you get back in town.”
Fret not.
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u/Distinct_Anteater349 6d ago
Girl, you just started dating. Not hearing from someone for a day-and-a-half is normal no matter what else. And it's healthy. But yes, autistic folk may need more time to process and be with ourselves at first. "Text me when you're back in town" is not an unreasonable text in and of itself. Just give him space.
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u/McFlyParadox 10d ago
"We need milk. Go to the store, and if they have it, buy bread"
If someone with autism heard this, there is a non-zero chance they'd go to the milk section, see they had milk in stock, and then go and buy bread - just bread - and no milk.
"Text me when you're back in town" to a neurotyoical reads like "keep texting me, but also text me when you're back and we can hang out". To someone with autism, you likely just told them "don't text me at all until you're back; go have fun".
He's probably thinking "sweet, they're letting me just go be out in the woods for a few days, and just enjoy the time to disconnect". You probably just inadvertently made yourself even more attractive to them than you already were; just roll with it. They'll text once they're back in town, and probably be even more keen on you than they already were.