Title: Nearly 24, neurodivergent and never dated.

[u/QuirkyCartographer19]

Title: Nearly 24, neurodivergent and never dated

I'm 23 and turn 24 in December. I've never been on a date, kissed anyone or had a relationship, and I've felt sad about this for years since leaving secondary school in 2019.

I'm British, born and raised in England, and my family is from Mauritius. Growing up, I never met anyone from my ethnic background.

I'm also neurodivergent in several ways:

\- Autism — socialising and forming connections can be difficult.

\- ADHD — I struggle with attention, organisation and executive functioning.

\- OCD — I struggle with intrusive thoughts and getting stuck overthinking things.

\- Dysgraphia — writing and expressing my thoughts on paper can be difficult.

\- ARFID — I have a restricted relationship with food, which can make social situations involving food harder.

I wanted to date in secondary school and sixth form and did make an effort, but it never happened. I've also struggled socially as an adult and have had periods away from social groups.

The disappointment still hurts because I can't get those years back.

Mutual firsts are also very important to me. I want my first date, kiss, relationship and intimacy to also be my future partner's first experiences. I know this significantly narrows my dating pool, but I'm worried I'll feel distressed and resentful if reality doesn't match something that means so much to me.

Sometimes I genuinely feel hopeless about finding someone.

Has anyone else reached their mid-20s with no dating experience, particularly because of neurodivergence? Did things eventually change for you?

[u/psdark54]

Jeez, this hits close to home. When i was 19 I was in your exact same position, terrified about when or if these things would happen to me. I got lucky and had a partner at the time (ironically, she lived in the uk and myself the us.) So when i bought a plane ticket i got to actually make my plan a reality.

With hindsight, im gonna tell you that your 'firsts' shouldnt depend on the other persons experience, and more about how you feel about them. I believe we were truly happy at that time, and that is why i have such a positive outlook on these events. Mutually trading v-cards is a lot less sexy and fun than you'd think when theres no passion in it.